I'm a 20 year old virgin, but as of the past month I have been seeing this girl who wants to remain a virgin but will do everything else. As someone who never even really held hands with a girl, doing everything except penetration was a huge success, and although the relationship has benefits it hurts sometimes. She is with this guy who is older than me (24), has a job, nice car, is taller, although they are not exclusive and she has pretty much gotten over the "feeling guilty" aspect of doing shit with me. She always tells me how hot I am, (i'm in better shape than the other guy, been lifting for almost 2 years and love fitness) and how good I am in bed. I try not to be jealous or possessive but I cannot help but get upset when she talks about him or I see her texting him excessively. Honestly I'm not sure if she spends that much time with him but I do see her a decent amount since we go to the gym together a few times a week and hangout aswell, although half the time not alone. Today she was really horny but looked at me and went "I am going to do stuff with X tomorrow i'm really excited" or something like that, and I go "why would you say that? trying to get a reaction out of me?", she said idk and I continued to act like nothing happened.

My problem is even though she can be a real asshole the more I see her I get slightly more attached. I hate having her on my mind all the time especially when I won't be able to see her for a few days and I just have to "wait". I have tunnel vision for her, and that's really bad considering she isn't my girlfriend. I don't know if the relationship is hurting or helping me considering the trade off of when we are together vs apart. If I had other options I'm sure i'd be fine, it's just I don't know how to pick up women and I do not have a car. I'm in college but even with her and her social group it was hard to find parties to get into. Her friends and I went clubbing a few times but I didn't really socialize outside the group considering it was a new setting for me.

I try tinder but I don't get a ton of matches, my friend who does photography is going to help me take some nice pictures which should help.

With summer approaching i'm feeling really anxious and depressed as I don't know what awaits, i'm definitely working to getting a car really soon and have been applying to some jobs, but in the mean time I still suffer from lack of intimate companionships. It's always on my mind and it drains me from enjoying other activities. I stopped playing video games and don't really do any other hobbies because I feel like doing anything not helping me progress to getting girls is a waste of time. I slack off in school because I can't stop thinking about red pill or my experiences with the girl i've been seeing. I honestly think it's the biggest cause of my depression.

I have been taking my daily dose of red pill heavily almost every day. I read the Rational Male, charisma myth, books about body language, sex god method, etc. I've listened to the black phillip podcast several times, and am continually listening to the beige phillip podcast, which at this point I can't live without. Although I feel like this red pill knowledge is essential to building and maintaining a relationship, it helps in everything but the actual pickup.

What do you guys suggest I can do so that I can not rely on others and make progress in my sex life?