I find approaching hard and ultimately not worth it

RPSigmaStigma · 2016-09-28T22:41:50+00:00

I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself. That whole "must approach immediately" thing isn't true, for example. That's just what old school PUAs would do to challenge themselves. Anyway, here's a few tips:

start off with just trying to make friendly acquaintances with random people, men and women. Standing in line somewhere? Find an excuse to strike up a casual conversation with someone in line with you, etc.
make it fun, be silly, pull little corny pranks, etc. Tell random people you're wearing new socks today, or ask them if they're going to vote for you (you're the Fresh Socks Party Nominee or whatever), etc.
make friends with social guys and go out with them to whatever social scene you prefer. Get in to a fun vibe, then draw other people in to.

Stop reading cheesy 10 year old PUA books. Read game for introverts

Anyway, I'm on mobile and my thumb is starting to hurt. But hopefully that at least gave you some ideas. Good luck out there.

mrpoopistan · 2016-09-29T16:50:06+00:00

"You have to approach a group of strangers while not being creepy in any way"

No you don't. You just say hi. Observe the situation and then point something out.

"All slutting it up (not with me, my main gripe)"

Need some cheese with that whine?

Your problem is that you see approach as instrumental. You have a goal, and anything that doesn't draw a direct line to that goal feels like a failure to you.

Approach should just be a thing you do. It's like being a cashier and saying hi to every customer. You should do it because that's what normal people do.

"If it's good sex it's because you made it that way. We have to do everything!"

You sound like a very generous sexual partner. :-P

Women tend to have pretty well-tuned social radar. They're picking this whiny vibe up when they meet you.

Nothing shut a woman down faster than knowing a guy sees social interactions as instruments for getting sex. The "it just happened" thing is real. Women want to fall in love, not be directed into sex.

And, yes, it's your job to foster that experience, especially if you take a highly instrumental view of the idea that social interactions are intended to draw a direct line to sex.

Instrumental attitudes are almost always turn-offs. You have exactly two options:

1) Get better at instrumental approach. In other words: become a proper sociopath instead of a whiny bitch.

You don't jump out at me as that type, so you're stuck with . . .

2) Become a more relaxed social being.

A lot of the social stuff that gets taught here is really just cognitive behavioral therapy. You're supposed to interact with people and learn that win or lose those interactions aren't the end of the world.

Your problem is you're obsessing about not winning. You're completely losing the value of the lesson in the process. The entire point is to learn that a woman's judgment of you -- good or ill -- is not the end of the world. Sometimes a conversation is just a conversation. And sometimes a conversation is a bad conversation. They happen.

trudatness · 2016-09-29T03:25:42+00:00

When you doing it right it becomes easy and fun.

Like Jim Morrison said "Women seem wicked when you're unwanted"

They can be really nice when they want you.

Keep improving yourself. Focus on that. Get ripped and get paid. Smile and be cocky.

When you finally figure out the game it will click. You'll get the scent on you and it will be go time.

maxrp · 2016-09-29T06:45:06+00:00

Its still hard for you because you haven't put in enough approaches, its gets easier the more you approach, the more you will know whats happening and see it like Neo in the matrix.

Imagine the first time you went swimming, it was scary and hard right? but once you're in the water its fun once you learn to float and then learn to swim, this represents the learning you need with women. You need to learn to float and swim with women. Now days I bet you could jump in any pool, sea or river and enjoy it, its no longer scary or hard. See?

Of course its going to be hard at first! if it was easy everyone would be getting laid left right and center. Nothing easy was ever worth anything of value, if college degrees were easy they wouldn't be worth anything. These things are hard because they are valuable. Approaching women has to be hard!

Do you understand how important this is?

Do another 1000 approaches then come back and tell us your progress.

Approach everyone!

sierratangovictor · 2016-09-28T22:46:17+00:00

women can pick up on the underlying derision

No they, can't. Brain to brain thought transmission is not possible. The entire PUA stuff is to hide your underlying emotion of every kind, and charm her with some amount of lies - which is indeed a form of art.

The maximum that can happen is, when you are not practised enough, some emotional fluctuations will show up, and set the alarms for her.

Where do you people get your motivation?

I have said that in the past couple fo times : you need an endgame - An endgame that makes all these effort worth it. If you are introverted, and you're ultimate goal is not to score a number of women for the sake of scoring, then you are somewhat leaning towards the Romantic idea of love. In the west, that is bound to fail.

At this point, being an introvert myself, I don't have a lot of interest in gaming either. The only time I game is to manipulate a chick if I think that can give me a short term favor to progress business - often in form of intel.

For everything else, a standard whore suffices.

People here, and women often say that the high-value woman can add value to your life - however at this point, the added value doesn't make much difference anyway.

[deleted] · 2016-09-28T22:42:58+00:00

[permanently deleted]

bowie747 · 2016-09-29T07:35:21+00:00

I think us introverts really have to learn to pick our battles. It's no fun asking out girls all the time and having a 2% success rate. THAT'S not worth the hassle.

But introverts have many advantages over extroverts such as emotional strength and intelligence (not true in all cases but I believe it is a trend). Similarly, a minority of girls are going to be receptive enough to pick up on this. It is true that most girls prefer very socially stimulating men.

So I think the key for us is to become very, very good at picking up on the subtle language and hints of girls, and approach with earnest the ones we think we have a shot with.

We're the sniper, not the shotgun.

iwantTRP · 2016-09-29T07:58:29+00:00

As an introvert, I get what you mean about approaching being difficult. It's completely against our instinct to do so. Extroverts would never understand this.

edwardhwhite · 2016-09-28T23:11:58+00:00

You have to approach a group of strangers while not being creepy in any way. You can't hesitate or show any weakness AND charm the literal pants off them with witty and insightful banter. You have to keep this up for how ever long it takes. You have to arrange logistics of getting who you want alone, etc, etc. At the end of all that, on a whim she might just change her mind and you have to not give a fuck.

If this were true we'd be extinct. You are catastrophizing, making it seem like you have to be perfect to get with a girl. You don't.

MattyAnon · 2016-09-29T03:56:40+00:00

We have to do everything!

Following your ideal mating strategy is work. For her to follow hers is also work for her - fortunately most women don't realise they have to put work in, so they get poor choices and options in life.

You do not have to be all the things you mentioned. You only need to know and apply about 1/3 of everything you could be in order to get laid. Most of this stuff pays off socially as well as with girls.

Is it worth it? Depends mostly on the costs of NOT doing it. I need women in my life to feel my best.

ChadIsDead · 2016-09-29T05:38:38+00:00

You don't have to get all your women by cold approaches. You could meet women by cultivating your social circle, which has benefits beyond new prospects. If you're attractive you can get professional pictures and do online dating. If you're at least somewhat attractive and making good money you can meet some women on sugaring websites. You could pay for attractive features (i.e. cosmetic procedures), which will decrease her resistance with your increased SMV.

The point being that your time is valuable and you can leverage other things (e.g. attractiveness, wealth) to save time. What I have described comes down to better marketing (e.g. online dating), using your resources to increase your SMV (cosmetic surgery), or having more to offer in a fundamentally transactional relationship (e.g. sugaring).

impossibleh · 2016-09-29T17:08:33+00:00

/r/mgtow

knightSwolaire · 2016-09-29T03:30:49+00:00

I stopped reading after your first sentence. Bro... I fucked countless chicks before I started lifting and eating right.. I'm hairy as fuck and was flabby and chubby.

Learn to be comfortable and confident

JamesSkepp · 2016-09-29T06:56:49+00:00

To have sex with a woman there is a ridiculous amount of work and effort involved.

Hardly.

Title	I find approaching hard and ultimately not worth it
Author	postreformedpua
Upvotes	22
Comments	31
Date	September 28, 2016 10:23 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/54z0wm/i_find_approaching_hard_and_ultimately_not_worth/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/i-find-approaching-hard-and-ultimately-not-worth.112037 https://theredarchive.com/post/112037

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