My problem:

I'm not personable.

Frequent comments towards me include 'Intimidating', 'Cocky' 'Your posture has presence, making you hard to approach', 'Don't smile much'

Closer friends of me know I'm a nice personable guy that is easy to approach, but others form perceptions of me based on my looks, accolades and job. (only 5'10, decent looking (not at all model attractive but 'intimidating' ALWAYS gets thrown around, good physique). The look itself doesn't intimidate like a female supermodel would, but just the way the look is carried (I believe)

I don't mention my accolades in conversation (some include national sprinter, premier league soccer, work at top bank at 19) as I don't actively try to get people to be intimidated - they usually aren't unless something comes up in conversation/they heard from someone else.

Example: At work, I'm with a mate - we both know the 3rd person coming in equally but the 3rd person isn't as 'receptive' towards me (wouldn't crack a joke with/to me). This goes onto girls - I've only been approached by 1 in the last 6 months just walking around, and she was younger in the same job (she obviously isn't intimidated).

Example 2: I accidentally spilt food on my shirt and laughed it off, 2 female friends I was eating with said "I like you better when you're not this "cool guy". The comments implications (being her prior perception of me was a cool (and thus less relatable) guy) despite both being very natural actions/reactions of mine.

Question: How do I rid this perception? It is simply me, the way I sit, walk, talk constantly gets commented on as being 'cocky' despite rarely flaunting or putting others down. I'd like to be more approachable and don't want people to hesitate to talk to me (because when they get to know me I know they won't think that)

Things I've tried:

  • Smiling more (feels a tad forced)

  • Never bringing up accolades in conversation

  • Making myself appear silly (and therefore less intimidating) by mentioning dumb things I've done to appear 'down-to-earth'

Things I'm aware of:

  • "Being intimidating is good, it means they perceive themselves as inferior"

  • "It's better girls consider you hard to approach"

  • "Having a natural aura is good" (albeit not a charismatic one unfortunately)

Which leaves me asking for two responses

  • How to fulfil my desires of becoming personable

  • How to adhere to TRP and facilitate this 'intimidation'

Thanks!