Impulse to react when someone or something pokes at me. Is this a predecessor to frame?

diocesence · 2016-12-14T10:21:24+00:00

Frame is more about who the lead is in an exchange/relationship. If anything it's an indicator that you have not established a dynamic of respect within your peer group. It's less about your action/inaction and more so your level of influence.

The concept of frame covers a lot of aspects of our daily lives, some of which we’re painfully aware of, others we are not, but nonetheless we are passively influenced by frame. What concerns us in terms of inter-gender relations however is the way in which frame sets the environment, the ambience, and the ‘reality’ in which we relate with both the woman we sarge at a bar and the relationship with the woman we’ve lived with for 20 years. One important fact to consider, before I launch into too much detail, is to understand that frame is NOT power. The act of controlling the frame may be an exercise in power for some, but let me be clear from the start that the concept of frame is who’s ‘reality’ in which you choose to operate in relation to a woman.

Rollo Tomassi - Frame

oldredder · 2016-12-15T09:38:33+00:00

It's the opposite of frame. It's losing frame.

Having frame means you lead, not react, and do so with skill.

Terdmuffin · 2016-12-15T17:08:19+00:00

Frame is a concept that I think can be hard to define because it doesn't have a concise, easily applicable definition. It's about who is in control of a situation.

IMO, there's inner frame and outer frame. Outer frame has to do with interactions with others and controlling the situation as a whole. If I'm at a bar with someone (male, female, coworker, friend, family member, doesn't matter) and I say "let's go to this other bar" and we go then the situation is in my frame. If they say "no let's stay here" and we stay then we are in their frame. This you cannot always control and if you can't you need to either a) figure out how you can or b) accept it and keep your inner frame strong.

Inner frame has more to do with emotional state and controlling your emotions. When inner frame is broken you act emotionally, lash out, say things you shouldn't, cry, or otherwise act like a butt hurt whiny bitch. Keeping your inner frame is what a lot of members mean when they say to stay stoic. This is the frame you can always control. There's a lot of tools you can use to communicate your frame and demonstrate its not broken (see sidebar on handling shit tests). Keeping with this example of wanting to change bars, if they decline and I get upset, storm out, or have a noticeably negative reaction then I'm breaking my inner frame.

The thing that makes things confusing is that there's 4 modes of frame not 2. It's not as simple as broken/unbroken. There's (inner maintained, outer maintained), (Inner maintained, outer broken), (inner broken, outer maintained) and (inner broken, outer broken).

Shit tests (people trying to rile you up) are usually either a tool to gain frame usually by breaking the other person's frame, thus making the de facto frame yours, (usually happens among men) or to see if the other person is strong enough to keep the frame (usually from women aka seeing if you're a suitable mate). I've been meaning to make a post on the main sub about this so I hope this helps.

Title	Impulse to react when someone or something pokes at me. Is this a predecessor to frame?
Author	thor_away92
Upvotes	0
Comments	3
Date	December 14, 2016 7:22 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/5i9ad1/impulse_to_react_when_someone_or_something_pokes/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/impulse-to-react-when-someone-or-something-pokes.79094 https://theredarchive.com/post/79094

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