So some context, I'm 20 and this is my first real "relationship" with a girl. We met when I was supposed to be leaving the area in 3 weeks but I ended up staying there for a few months...

It's been a year since that moment and I've made plenty of mistakes as to be expected. I acted insecure, needy, complained to her about things she wasn't doing for me. Gave her way too much priority in my life and my self improvement suffered because of it. Worst of all, I revealed sexual insecurity and told her about my struggle with porn addiction. We even had really bad sex a few times where I could barely get it up. I've complained to her about her behavior multiple times...I'm very redpill aware and have studied, but I'm still blue-pilled emotionally due to lack of experience I guess. I also have low self control but I'm working on it.

She's still into me though for some reason, which really trips me out . I have moments of complete dread where I want to walk away forever , and I tell her that but I always come back (I have nobody else; oneitis) I'm thinking to myself, "How does this girl respect me still? There's no way she can be attracted to me in the way I want her to be, because I'm not being the man that I want to be, and I've done so many unnattractive things"

We've had good sex before and she obviously likes being dominated, called a slut in bed and such.

She still wants to have sex with me but sometimes I can't help but feel emasculated for a few reasons:

She doesn't always do her best to keep me happy, nor does she seem to get pleasure from it, I feel like she just likes the validation and constant texting we do & I'm just a familiar person to fuck. She has showed attraction for this other guy on accident. Not overtly but I can tell by the way she gets excited when she sees him there's something there, and he is more physically impressive than me.

I feel emasculated slightly because I know she doesn't see me as this sexy man, but more like this weak struggling boy. She does have real feelings for me but something feels off, maybe its just my insecurity?

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We have a month left together because I'm leaving the area and I'd like to atleast finish strong you know what I mean? So how do I do that? Is there anything I can do to flip the tables? At least to have her thinking differently about me while I'm gone?

Am I justified in the feeling t I"m being used to some extent?

Could anyone give me some fatherly words / love regarding this situation? The internet has been my father forever haha