First of all sorry for this massive wall of text, and sorry that I'm kind of using this sub like a therapist. Family can't afford a therapist so this is the best place I got.

I just turned 16 today and I'm in the process of redpilling myself. I'm working out, eating a lot more well (but can still do better), becoming more generally confident especially around girls, etc. One big roadblock I have encountered is anxiety and depressed feelings that come and go. Most of those are a result of what I have and haven't done in life. I moved away from my home city and all my friends in the second grade to a tiny secluded town that was in hindsight, backwards and full of weird people and completely different social circumstances 4 hours away across a strait. I moved back to my home city when my parents divorced in the fourth grade. I came back a salty asshole who couldn't handle any jokes and I didn't develop or have any friends really until mid fifth grade. I was abused and hated by people that I grew up with because I was so backwards and it really fucked with me. I never really stayed friends with that same group of people past the seventh grade (probably a mistake). Now I'm at my high school and I have shed almost all my friendships from elementary school. I have new friends that I like a lot but most them are bluepill, nerdy and outcast and also virgins, kissless or not. That group of friends I mostly shed are the people leading student council, star athletes, winning awards left and right, making honor roll and having parties and lots of fun. I feel like I'm missing out on a lot, like I'm failing as what people classify as a success, because I'm not friends with the right people. I can't say I'm focusing on school instead of parties, because I'm also a big procrastinator (which I'm trying to work on) and not even passing my mathematics class so far, so it's not like school is holding me back. I fall into a depressed feeling anytime I see one of those people who I'm barely acquaintances with now gaming a girl, posting about parties online, talking about the award they won, their popularity, the trophy they got for the sport they played, or just being recognized for something and having people other than their friends know their name. This will inevitably sound fucking stupid but it's not only triggered by people I know in real life but also by shit I read or watch in fiction. Honestly wasn't able to get through the series premiere of this show on Netflix called Riverdale cause the main character is such a stud and it made me deadly jealous.

I guess a solution that would partly solve my issues could be to pick up a new hobby and/or sport, and soar to the top in there, but all I ever learned do is swimming in September-December, which I'm a rookie at in terms of it being competitive, and I do a cadet program but I'm in no special positions there. I feel like I'd be really behind everyone else if I picked something up now. I love ice hockey but that's dominated by those guys from elementary school, and I really wanted to get into it back then but I never did because I didn't want to go through more time of my life not fitting in, and my family couldn't afford it. I'm really awesome at football and really love the game but there's not a school football team, we have rugby instead 'cause our principal is an Aussie.

Also I'm finding I don't push myself to my full potential which really bothers me. Not only is it making my marks dip which will affect my future whether I go to university or not, I'm afraid that if this continues I won't be able to push myself to the top of my career. I think my anxiety might be related to this but I'm not sure honestly. It may just be that I have a total lack of passion for almost everything we do in school and I find it hard to give myself a reason to do it, because I find that telling myself I'll fail if I don't isn't good enough to get myself to do anything. If any awesome man who answers this thread could also give me tips to push myself harder, exploit my full potential, and do the shit I want to do but won't, that would be awesome.

so yeah, sorry for the wall of text.

TL;DR I, a 16 year old guy, was a social outcast years ago and that really affected my life today. Didn't pick up sports I really wanted to and now in high school my only hobby is a short season of swimming and a cadet program. My friends are mostly nerdy and also virgins and don't throw any parties. Really anxious and depressed often because I feel like I'm falling behind people because I've never kissed a girl, never been invited to a party, never won an award, etc., and it makes me really anxious and depressed when I hear someone talking about or doing one or all of those things. This is affecting me in my life today and I'm afraid it will affect my future and I won't be able to push myself to reach to the top of my potential like I know I can but don't.