I’m usually always overthinking and anxious over it. It paralyzed me, it makes me feel weak, it drains my energy.

Today I just decided no. Every time I started thinking about something I consciously stopped. If I started running scenarios in my head I stopped. I deliberately walked slower and had better posture, I deliberately chose to have a positive fighting outlook on the challenges I was faced with. Today I actually felt like a real fucking man.

Usually I’m terrified of things like not being able to find a job in this shit job market I’m about to walk into soon. Today when it crossed my mind I just said no. Whatever the fuck happens happens. If I wasted 4 years getting a dog shit useless degree than so be it.

But it was exhausting, I had to do it consciously, it wasn’t natural. I had to force myself to stop thinking, I had to force myself to not be scared and to shut off worry, it was like actual work.

Is this how it always has to be, or if I do it enough will it just be who I eventually am.