Hi! I'd like to share my problems as a young man, who doesn't really feel so manly.

For years from when I was 11-20 years old, I was a total "beta". It was the same shit you've heard about a million times, masturbating to porn, seeking validation and so on.

At the moment I'm 23 years old. I see myself as a very hard working and sometimes dedicated man. I work as a carpenter, and have a very decent salary. I lift 4 times a week (60min sessions, compund exercises with few accesory), and do one day of a hiit session weekly. I go to the sauna, and I take cold showers after every workout. I eat healthy, mostly in a caloric surplus. I'm not overweight by any means. I sleep 7-8 hours every night.

I do everything in my power to get my testosterone up and going, but it doesn't work. I feel fatigued most of the time. I don't have any sexual desire/low libido. I have a hard time packing muscle. I have bad erections. I easily store fat in my trunk area.

For the last couple of years, whenever I've had 3-4 weeks break from lifting, my libido has skyrocketed, but as soon as I started lifting again it went completely away.

So I decided to get checked at the doctor. We have a badly functioning health care system, in my country. After waiting for about 3-4 months, trying to ask my doctor to check my testosterone levels, she agreed.

Total free testosterone: 248 ng/dL. S-testosterone, total: 12 nmol/L.

My doctor tells me they're in the normal ranges, but in the lower end. I asked what we could do, and she said there's nothing we can do.

I've booked another apointment, to ask if I can maybe get testosterone replacement. But I feel there's a definite no coming.

I'm heavily thinking about buying teatosterone illegally, and get some normal ranges of testosterone for myself. I really just want a normal life.

What do you think I should do?