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[–]RPShitlord2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Your questions have to do with her. Get her out of your mind. Move on. She dumped you, she can only come back as a plate.
Regardless of your feelings for her, if you take her back as LTR, she'll be able to do this anytime she wants.
And those mistakes she said are unforgivable that she brings up every time you fight, well she forgave you just to keep bringing it up every time you fight.
Have you read the sidebar? Fights and arguments are a big NO. Men don't do that.
[–]Mecha752 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
To maintain an LTR or marriage, you cannot be an asshole. Alpha does not mean asshole. Alpha means leader. The asshole thing is fine for plates and ONS.
[–]DayTradingBastard0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I haven't been an asshole in a long time - but kept the alpha traits.
I was an asshole when I wasn't feeling infatuated towards her. Coming from self-worth issues and trust issues brought up by my divorce (I got cheated on).
[–]LonelyDeplorable points points points 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
You've become beta.
[–]DayTradingBastard0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
That isn't it. 100%.
Examples from this weekend: 1. I had two girls hitting on me hard. I looked damn good, and they were pretty cute girls. One of them was at least an 8.5. 2. Got me, her and 2 of my friends into the most exclusive nightclub in town without paying anyone to do so (the line was immense). Inside my friend tried to AMOG me and I literally shat on him with my alpha by ignoring the subject and leading my gf, him and his gf out of the area we were in. They were all following me like puppies. 3. She was grabbing my arms and butt all the time at the club. 4. Went lifting while she was at my place, when she doesn't live there. All she did was wait for me. 5. Every time she got up from bed she would flash me her ass and shake it - because she knows I love it. I spanked it at least 5 times just on Saturday.
So yeah, not this.
I'm not saying that to be a dick. But, you need to hear it. Just because you're beta doesn't mean you can't pull women. One of my beta friends can easily have a chick that I don't want.
You need to apply the abundance mentality to everything and you will see improvements. Understand that if things do not work with this woman there are many other much more suitable choices who will obviously let you win.
You sound like you have your body and career right but that fact that you are still questioning yourself and attempting to validate yourself shows that your confidence levels are lacking. Maintain your frame. Every choice you make is the right choice. If the chick ain't with it, on to the next on on the next one!
[–]DayTradingBastard0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago* (10 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, I have trouble with the 'right choice' thing. I question my choices all the time because I act without thinking sometimes.
I was just born into a great family and that shaped my life (not because they were rich, even though they do pretty well): they taught me to value hard work, grit, always doing your best, and to embrace opportunities. I ended up going to amazing schools and doing very well.
One question I have for you, because you seem like you've got your shit together: she is a supreme underachiever. She is amazing at her hobby, has competed, been in her college team, yet she doesn't do anything with it. She was a top honors student (valedictorian) and didn't go to a top college, instead went to a mid-level to low-level one. She was in two honors societies in her college, but ended up going to a below average graduate degree (even after doing extremely well on the GRE). She has no real friends here where we live, even though it's her home town.
She is gorgeous (she was a model when she was 15). One caveat is that she doesn't work hard on her body so it got a bit soft lately. Mine's been getting better and better. In a way, I feel like I found the broken unicorn. She's been abused in the past and molested by a cousin, and our fights almost always relate to sex and my expectations of what it is versus hers.
An example: she screams off the top of her lungs "no means no" when I try to talk her into doing something sexual (if I ask 'why not?' in a non-chalant way, for instance, after mentioning it briefly before the actual sex act). Note that in her mind, even asking 'why' is wrong, and I've never had a problem like this before. My girls were always very open regarding their sexuality. I'm assuming this comes from her abuse.
What should I do about this? It's like finding a diamond in the rough and being unable to polish it. But still wanting the diamond and being OK with it being unpolished.
One other thing that makes me think that I'm alpha in her eyes is that she'll often take photos of me and tell me I look super sexy. In my underwear, after workouts, etc. She has also said she never wanted to have kids before meeting me (she said that before she even knew my preferences). And that I'm the only man she has ever thought of having kids with (she said this last week) and the only man she would ever have kids with.
And I have a group of 'player' friends that I go out with and they all tell me I'm much higher SMV than her and that I could do much better. It is probably true, since outsiders often can assess this shit better than ourselves. But I don't care about it - she has qualities that I value that they can't know about (such as motherly instinct).
I do have low self-esteem. But my actions don't show it very often unless I'm emotionally shaken - like this break-up. Any ideas on improving it?
If you want honest advice you need to next her. Being denied sex for me is unacceptable. At one point in my life I was in that position myself and no woman is worth that.
Later I would find that there are women available who can not keep my dick out of their mouths. So with that being said- back to abundance mentality. You certainly have oneitis right now and trust me when I say there are girls just as hot, hotter and more sexually active then that UNDOUBTABLY.
As far as improving self-esteem I would suggest you search frame in trp and take some time to read through several examples of others demonstrating how to hold frame in real life situations. Whenever she is screaming at you it shows that she doesn't respect you and she is pulling you into her frame.
Thank you. I probably will next her. Still falling to the sunk cost fallacy.
[–]NikoMyshkin0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
It sounds like you have strong ONEitis. She can't ever make you as happy as you currently hope she can.
There are tons of women out there that will completely satisfy your lust, if only for a moment. Wish this one the very best in life and go hookup with new women.
[–]DayTradingBastard0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
A lot of my friends are hardcore players and I've noticed that they can't really bond deeply with a girl.
I'm afraid of turning into that after going full red pill and not being able to pair bond to have a lifetime partner. I truly am looking for someone to grow old with.
Maybe it comes from the fact that my family is huge, awesome and everyone is still together to this day (grandpa/grandma, mom/dad, all aunts, etc).
[–]dukeluce1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I don't think you are going to get a solution here neither some hints.
Your mentality does not comply with every aspect of trp ideology, thus if you continue to follow all the tips here you are not going to be your real self.
You will always feel insecure and question every detail of your life and decisions, because what you seek is not what trp offers.
What I may recommend you is do not base your decisions on what others tell you. They do not know you. Sure you give details but those cannot define you and your situations. Get yourself together and think of your priorities. Than plan your actions based on your knowledge and opinions.
[–]DayTradingBastard0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
My prior relationship lasted 8 years, and she cheated on me after we got married (2 years total). Thank the sperm gods for no kids.
In trying to avoid this from ever happening again, and the only way I can think of is a Married Red Pill lifestyle. That pill I took easily. I just can't take the 'next' mentality of TRP, but maybe I should.
[–]dukeluce0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You will always have doubts in your life, but don't let them lose your frame. This not in terms of how you act but how you feel about it.
Anyway you may never comply 100℅ with trp ideas and trying too hard may not even be good for you.
So , use all of the knowledge you have from your experience and trp (that you are ok with) to your advantage and do the best you can, not what the perfect alpha example on a trp text would do.
Thank you, my friend. I really appreciate your thoughts.
I'm feeling a pit in my stomach every once in a while so I'm coming back here and re-reading the thread over and over.
I'll do my best to keep all you've said in mind.
[–]NikoMyshkin0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I truly am looking for someone to grow old with.
Friend, maybe TRP isn't for you. As Rollo Tomassi put it: "Women are utterly incapable of loving a man in the way that a man expects to be loved."
The Red Pill is a bitter pill because it dispenses with pleasant fantasies. You may well benefit from reviewing all nine of Rollo's Iron Rules (and - really - ALL the basics on this page too).
Good luck. You're not alone but you may need to accept that you can never have your dream because it is unrealistic.
also, rule 7 is, unfortunately, very apt for you :-/
[–]quicklogaccount0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
It doesn't matter that objectively you're above her league. Probably because of the way you treated her, at some point she started feeling she had the upper hand. It's very common, instead of comparing her SMV to yours, she adds hers on top of yours. This actually happens very shortly after she feels she had you "locked". It's really not about getting flirted on, it doesn't prevent it from happening. It's about her feeling you only has eyes for her.
Another thing, she is 23. She is COMPLETELY empowered, most likely also completely delusional about her actual worth. The whole world fits her hands and she doesn't need to give second chances. She truly believes on the next corner there will be a much better guy, and that she can TOTALLY lock him.
[–]DayTradingBastard0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
That's very interesting. It's exactly what it is.
She's only been in one other relationship and with 4 other guys, I'm the first one to make her orgasm. She says I'm her first love. She didn't even know what had hit her when she had her orgasm. She thought she had a stroke. She was in bed for 1 minute with her eyes closed and couldn't even speak or move.
She definitely thinks there are a lot of successful, driven, good-looking, funny, nice, great in bed men out there waiting for her. She's got a beautiful face, but her body has gotten bad - terrible love handles.
I wasn't very nice to her in the beginning and we never fought. The moment she felt like she had me 'locked' and I started being nicer is when she started with all the bullshit.
[–]DayTradingBastard0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Also, the thing I find the weirdest is that when she's on her ovulation she will literally jump at me and act super cute via text.
When she gets closer to her period (5 days from now) she starts getting more distant. Does that translate to her thinking I'm alpha fucks but that I would leave her? I think every time we fight and break-up (happened 3 times overall) is on this phase of her cycle. Almost always after great sexy times and a great time overall - trips, NYE (was a fucking good night), etc.
[–]quicklogaccount0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's really lame man, but girls on that age range are trouble. The empowerment is real, you're always "mr. good enough" in a world where there's certainly a mr. right.
Some stuff here deserves remarks, you need some more sidebar man. Since women won't play the "gender role" they were "traditionally" given anymore, the only way you'll have a decent relationship is understanding their new "roles", which are a lot more natural, and maybe letting go of the role you're trying to enact and adopting a more natural one yourself. You need more sidebar. You were played and lied to by this girl.
She's only been in one other relationship and with 4 other guys
So, a "traditionally raised" girl had one other relationship BUT did three random hook ups? There's a chance you met her just as she was boarding the CC, but it's slim. Probably the 3x times rule applies there, 4 guys counted, the others don't because she was drunk, she didn't want another ride, was just oral, they worn a condom, etc etc.
I'm the first one to make her orgasm. (...) She didn't even know what had hit her when she had her orgasm.
This one is a special evidence. It is a VERY common lie women will tell you to make you feel special, and they'll only tell that if they feel sex with them itself doesn't make you special. It's a bit of a conflict they need to solve. In her head, sex with a good girl is a BIG deal, and sex itself is very meaningful in this context. On the other hand, she knows sex isn't special for her for some reasons, but she feels the need to pose as a good girl and needs to make sex special, so, she comes up with that line about the orgasm. I've heard that one line, and I've read it here at least from 10 other men. I wonder if every woman comes up with that by herself or she reads it somewhere, like some chick's magazine, and uses it.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
More than likely there is another dude. Women of her age don't dump unless there's another on the hook.
We've been through this before - it was because of a fight we had 3 days before. She holds grudges, and couldn't let go. The fight is the same one we've had a few times in the past. So I don't think this is the case.
Also, she has no friends, doesn't go to the gym, is a nanny (i.e. no workplace guys), and spent the entire week with me (last week from Tue to Sun) - she was traveling until Tuesday and came to see me after a flight at 12am. We fucked like caveman.
If she found time to meet a guy props to her.
[–]ecosci0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Your right at that 2yr mark when she starts getting bored and wants another alphas dick inside her its just female nature men cant settle for one woman she will resent you for it so stop believing they love you for you marriage is a scam the secret is out dont be a victim attraction doesnt care about your list of superlatives once the tingles are gone its over usually over.
Well, she only gets to this point after the most tingly period - her ovulation.
When she's ovulating she can't wait to fuck me. We'll have sex basically every day during her ovulation. So I don't think the problem is lack of alpha dick in her life.
The problem always occurs during beta-bucks time (post and pre ovulation). That's when she goes crazy, because she wants to fuck me less and I still have the sex drive. And what often happens is that I'll try to get something to happen and we have a fight about 'no means no'.
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[–]RPShitlord2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Mecha752 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]DayTradingBastard0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]LonelyDeplorable points points points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]DayTradingBastard0 points1 point2 points (12 children) | Copy Link
[–]LonelyDeplorable points points points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]DayTradingBastard0 points1 point2 points (10 children) | Copy Link
[–]LonelyDeplorable points points points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]DayTradingBastard0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]NikoMyshkin0 points1 point2 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]DayTradingBastard0 points1 point2 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]dukeluce1 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]DayTradingBastard0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]dukeluce0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]DayTradingBastard0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]NikoMyshkin0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]NikoMyshkin0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]quicklogaccount0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]DayTradingBastard0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]DayTradingBastard0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]quicklogaccount0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]DayTradingBastard0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ecosci0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]DayTradingBastard0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link