TL;DR

LTR Broke up with me over a text. Handled it perfect at first, then after my hamster got to warp speed I fucked up.

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Here's the breakdown. Would love some input on things.

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Met this girl who just moved to my area from AZ. I live in Oakland, CA. I was with this girl for around 8 months. Introduced her to my family and all my friends. Things were awesome, and I thought I found a solid one that would last. I sure was mistaken.

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Things started to feel weird when I took her to a hockey game. She just wasn't acting the way she normally did toward me, but I couldn't put my finger on it. On the way back from the game, she subtly mentioned her friend invited her to a baby shower back in AZ. . She acted as if it was going to be a hassle and didn't want to go. Didn't think much of it at the time but comes into play later. I never really talked with her much about her friends in AZ, but I knew she had lived with an ex there around a year ago before she moved out here. Once we got back to my place that night, she said she needed to get home because she left her dog alone and her sister wasn't going to be back to feed him. This felt like a lie, but I was drunk af and tired so I just let her go.

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During the next week she started to act distant and pretty much unresponsive before shit actually went down (typical). After an entire week of this bullshit and not seeing her. I knew something was up. Since I hate trying to handle anything personal over text message, I told her we need to talk. She refused take my calls and said she just found out her grandfather isn't doing well and that she can't deal with any more stress right now. (what a fucked up excuse to use, but my dumbass believed it at the time)

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I finally get her on the phone a day later and ask her "what's up between us?" She then admits that she's "been feeling off for a few weeks now." "Like it doesn't feel like it did when we first got together and that she doesn't want things to be fine, she wants them to be great." Blah blah.

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It's funny how she failed to communicate any of this and I probably was getting shit tested left and right but was oblivious. Communication is huge for an LTR but this was the first problem we had. Literally not one fight or issue the entire time we were together. I end up telling her to come over because we can't fix anything without being together in person. She agreed.

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Internally I knew shit was over at this point, my gut told me, but the hamster was strong with me.

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I had plans to take her out, do this that the other to spice it up, but when it came time for her to come over, I get a text saying "I don't think I want this anymore."

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At this point, I was pissed and she had been avoiding talking to me for almost two weeks. Acting like a child. So I just said "okay" and planned to go radio silent. I didn't want someone who can't even be an adult and communicate with me.

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I was extremely pissed she handled a decision like that over text. It was so impersonal. Complete lack of empathy. The way I felt about it is, if you can just remove someone from your life with a few taps of your iPhone screen, that shows how little the relationship actually meant to you. The way I handle my relationships while I am in them, mirror the way I handle them when they are ending. There shouldn't be a drop off in sincerity just because your unsatisfied romantically. That's just selfish.

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Literally the week before the hockey game she wrote me a hand written letter telling me "how wonderful it's been together and how she can't wait for the future." It's funny how their word don't really mean shit.

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I was pretty shocked and after a night of hamstering I fucked up and tried to get her to talk the next day. I wish I would have just left it because I am a man of value and don't need an immature child as an LTR. This is where the ONEITIS got me.

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After I asked her to talk, she said "yeah we can talk when I get back from AZ." That's when I realized that all this shit was planned. Her breaking up with me, and immediately being in AZ the next day. She had to have been back in contact with her ex. Classic shit. Women have this innate ability to check out of a relationship while still in it.

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At this point, my gut told me she went back to her ex. So I just left it. Three weeks pass with no contact and out of the blue she says "I'm back from AZ, when do you want to meet to talk?" (Really a three week baby shower?)

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I had already taken steps to move on during this time. I still had major feelings for her but tried to keep my dignity and told her calmly. "it's not necessary anymore, you've made it clear how you feel", then she insisted that she needs to come get her things. Literally a piece of tupperware and a blanket. I really did want to talk to her, blast her for treating me like shit and leaving me hanging for three weeks. Weak move, but I let her come over. Mistake. Should have thrown her shit out.

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She came over, I did get her to admit that her ex had been trying to get back with her, but she said she stayed at a her friends house the whole time decorating the new babies room. I dunno why the fuck my ego tricked me into giving her the benefit out the doubt but it did. I knew deep down she was getting railed by her ex.

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She threw herself on me that night, telling me that I mean the world to her, but when it got time to leave she said she just needs some time to think about things. At the time I fell for it like a chump and agreed. The next day I realized I was being such a bitch and letting her treat me like a doormat, so I called her and told her it's either fuck yes, or its a no?

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She couldn't give me that answer. Said she didn't have the energy right now for a relationship. I really find it hard to believe it was so bad between us that she'd rather be alone. No one does that unless its extremely toxic. So I ended it and told her not to contact me anymore. Blocked her on everything and it's been 1 month now and I am finally feeling better.

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Mainly doing this because I needed to vent. I wish I would have just been strong enough to just cut contact. Delete, block, ghost as soon as she sent that first breakup text. I guess my bruised ego didn't want to let me. Thought she was a unicorn.

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Prior to meeting her I found TRP and was getting laid left and right, but ultimately was looking for LTR material. I realize in hindsight I forgot all the stuff I read here, and fell back into a provider beta role. I know that it was my fault for the death of this relationship, and her losing interest, but still would like some thoughts on everything.

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Was she just immature?

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I'd like to think if I kept her attracted to me, that this wouldn't have happened, but part of me thinks this would have happened anyways.

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P.S. I am 33 and she was 25. Pretty sure I need to shoot higher for someone LTR ready.

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