LTR Clarification Questions

KirthWGersen · 2020-10-22T14:22:52+00:00

Your girlfriend is still a child. People nowadays don't really become mature adults until they are at least 25.

So you can't expect mature behaviour from her.

If she is disrespectfully flirting with other guys in front of you, she doesn't fear losing you. Either she doesn't know what she is doing, you are blowing it out of proportion, or she is not attached enough to you to care.

You are 17. Sooner or later, probably sooner, she is going to be with someone else and so are you. You can use this time with her as practice: practice with sex, observing how women act, and deciding how you will act, what your boundaries for yourself are.

But always keep in your mind the fact that this will never be a serious relationship. The emotions will be. But somewhere down the line, you won't be with her. You have to truly accept that now or when it happens it will be more of an obstacle to your happiness than it needs to be.

The classic way of dealing with this kind of thing is to talk to other girls when she is flirting with someone else. That creates the fear she might lose you. Chances are you'll get great sex, either from her or from the other girls. Getting upset, calling her out: that merely proves to her that you don't want to lose her and makes her even less worried about losing you.

You have to be willing to lose her within the next 5 minutes, always, no matter how much she turns you on or the warm, fuzzy feelings you have for her. This is a hell of a lot easier if you have real options or fill your life with things you love doing.

Be the guy who is always comfortable wherever he is, enjoys himself wherever he is, who knows what he wants and is not dependent on a short-term lover for happiness.

i-am-the-prize · 2020-10-22T14:31:17+00:00

What do you do if your girlfriend gets flirty with another guy to a point of disrespecting you?

the first is a test of her, not you. if she's unable to control her need for validation that she is driven to act in such a way she has disqualified herself as LTR material, and you should withdraw. thank her silently for saving you time in the vetting process. set your ego aside and see it as the gift it is.

If I notice a guy touches her in a unwelcoming way, what do I do?

unwelcome to who? you or her? you do not immediately yell at him ("don't touch her!") you watch how she acts. she's a big girl. she will tell him to quit it (or not). if she tells him to quit it and he pushes things, physically to the legal level of assault, you step in, like you would for your sister. again, take your ego out of it. if she welcomes it, it's not longer "unwelcomed" (to her) and see item #1 above.

also try to keep a sly smile during both of these types of events. raise your eyebrows like "oh i see...."

try your best to take anger and emotion out of this. i know it's hard, but read up on mindfulness and understanding that your fight/flight circuits were built for truly life threatening situations and they overblow social modern situations to seem like full on crisis, when they're not.

lots of chicks out there, you're young, do not overreact and make a mistake that will cost you money, time, freedom/jail, your reputation. all relationships are temporary, except the one with yourself.

DerekMorganBAU · 2020-10-22T14:33:09+00:00

This is side bar info and I'm not fond of answering "what if" questions but you're young so I'll make this simple

If she gets disrespectfully flirty you could do it back to another bitch, withdraw, or demote. Calibrate your response to the situation/person.

Personally I don't do the whole mate guarding thing. You're in high school so it's easy to think that you're all big and bad but in the real world you can get your dumbass murked for tryna be a tough guy. Mess with the wrong nigga if you want to 😂

Pick your battles. If your bitch gets welcoming then again, you withdraw, demote, or game other bitches. This is all implicit and not overt. Bitches read subtext. That's all.

Infinitrix02 · 2020-10-22T15:56:52+00:00

Nice question and there are a few amazing answers already. I can't really give you any advice besides what other people are telling you, but I get where you're coming from. The situations you describe hit home, and I've also responded similar to you in my LTR a year ago.

I think maybe, just maybe you're getting a bit too attached to this to girl to the point you'd "shove the dude" for touching her. Doing something like this in a social environment will probably break your frame and make her respect you even less. This attachment is completely natural and not a bad thing per say, but you're too young to care this much about any girl.

You have to take control before it grows on you. Other guys can (and will) touch her, she'll fuck other guys but earth will keep rotating all the same.

TrpKid2 · 2020-10-22T16:44:47+00:00

Flirting is not acceptable I don't care what other people here or elsewhere say. It might be natural or whatever but no ltr of mine is to do that. It's natural for me to take a dump wherever whenever I feel like it, doesn't mean I will do so. Same goes for guys getting touchy. It's her responsibility to tell them off.

Getting beat up for a girl is never worth it.

Herdsengineers · 2020-10-22T16:49:22+00:00

If she flirts with other guys in front of you and is that disrespectful of your feelings, the first time she does it you need to just tell her along the lines of you're not gonna stand there and watch that shit. not gonna let her subject you to it. then you leave. let her catch a ride home with whoever else, uber, etc. you can't control her, but you don't have to stand there and watch it either. then you don't contact her again. let her contact you. if she doesn't, you're dodging a bullet.

later, i'm not saying there's no forgiveness, and my younger years i know i'd have been willing to give her another chance. these days, heck i'm married and if my wife did that i'd still be dialing up the divorce lawyer.

if another guy is touching her, let her stop it. if she doesn't, see paragraph above. if she does, but the guy is pushy and not stopping, at that point, she's doing what she should by trying to stop it, then it's time to man up, step in, and visit violence upon said other guy. don't tell him to stop, just have a well practiced set of crosses and upper cuts from the boxing or martial arts class you SHOULD be taking, step up, push him back, and turn his lights off. then immediately leave, with GF in tow. she's gonna be shocked, upset, etc. as she settles down, she'll be craving to gobble down your cock.

Edit to add - it's advisable to uber where you can, that way if you have to leave in a hurry, you step out, start walking, get picked up, and you aren't on camera with your own license plate. and the standard advantages of not driving and drinking, avoiding DUI's, etc.

Title	LTR Clarification Questions
Author	Pretty_Regular_5037
Upvotes	13
Comments	21
Date	October 22, 2020 1:32 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/jfzp2j/ltr_clarification_questions/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/ltr-clarification-questions.321498 https://theredarchive.com/post/321498

Comments