LTR’s friends

VasiliyZaitzev · 2020-12-03T17:39:53+00:00

Nah, you gotta shut that shit down. Interfering in other people’s relationships is the female national sport in every country. If she continues to go out with them, this shit is only gonna get worse. As her boyfriend, it is your job to “lead” her appropriately, and you need to lead her ass home instead of her going out with a bunch of sluts.

jjj2576 · 2020-12-03T17:26:32+00:00

You still have a scarcity mentality, because you haven’t read the Sidebar Books.

Your partner would rather spend time getting drunk at a bar than with you— her actions show this. Her actions show that you are less interesting than a night at the bar with tHoTs.

You are LARPing RP. You want to covertly (gay) mateguard by controlling who your LTR is friends with. We’ll ignore how that type of isolation is textbook emotional/psychologically abusive, and focus on what this mateguarding says about you.

You have to mate guard, because you know other men have more value than you. You know this in your Core. We all know it, because based on this post alone, we can tell you haven’t touched RP Books.

You have a wet paper towel frame and a scarcity mentality— you don’t need to set boundaries with your LTR. You tried that, and wItHdReW aTteNtIoN. You have a scarcity mentality, and changing that intern paradigm should be your number one priority— not mate guarding, not setting boundaries late into the relationship.

Is withdrawing attention appropriate here? Maybe. But with your Frame, she can smell your butthurt from a mile away. All this showed was your butthurt mate guarding scarcity mentality.

This isn’t an instance where you withdrew a prize from her, because you know that you aren’t the prize.

Take my advice— read the Sidebar. I would start with Pook, then go into TRM, then NMMNG and WISNIFG.

You’ll throw a fit in the comments, since you lack value.

Edit: Added clarity.

DerekMorganBAU · 2020-12-03T19:07:32+00:00

My father used to always tell me, give people enough rope to hang themselves with.

So, give her some slack and see if she fucks it up (again) then demote to plate or FWB

HurricaneHugues · 2020-12-03T23:36:04+00:00

"last week, they even got her to go to a bar and stay out till like 3 in the morning, get drunk. AND they invited a bunch of their guy friends, and probably were talking shit about me to my gf too."

Nobody is forcing your girl to go anywhere or do anything. She is choosing to do those things. With all her ethics, her morals, and her attachments to you, she still finds it acceptable to do these things. What does that tell you about who she is as a person and a partner?

"this ended up in me telling my gf that she can do what she wants, but i’m not comfortable with that and to take that information how she will for the future (did i handle that right?)."

No, you laid down a passive aggressive ultimatum which IMO is very weak. You need to understand that yoyr gf isn't your property. She is an individual who will maoe choices based on what her ethical compass tells her. If she thinks it's a good idea to do those things while in a relationship, then maybe she isn't the one you shouod be committed to you. It's not your job to Police would-be hoes. Let women be who they are around you. Your only job is to either remove yourself or stay in the equation. Less words wore actions. Don't get so attached to people. They will disappoint you. Had you veen a bit less invested you would realise that your girl has already hopped in that tiny snowball, and her destination is downhill from here.

"i’m not threatened by another man at the bar"

Well that's a fucking lie. If it wasn't a lie you wouldn't be here typing this.

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4thAndLong · 2020-12-03T18:20:07+00:00

The only thing you can do is apply some dread, but not so much as to where you seem butthurt. She has do decide herself whether she respects the relationship or not. I haven't had an issue talking crap about some of my LTR's girl friends. She has stopped associating with several of them after I talked bad about them/their behavior. You need to lead her in the right direction.

yeeyee739 · 2020-12-03T19:05:06+00:00

Don’t come off in a butthurt manner otherwise you’ll appear insecure, but if I were you I’d tell her in a stoic and impassive way that you don’t approve of her new degenerate friends and their partying lifestyle. After that, say you can’t/won’t control her behavior but establish the boundary that the qualities you’re looking for in a partner aren’t ones that still celebrate that kind of behavior of partying and generalized thotness of her new “friends.” Do not present this as an ultimatum. The key here is to not look insecure if you fail this then you lose frame.

Actions speak louder than words. If she doesn’t understand and continues to hang with these friends and party with them plus these other dudes, then she doesn’t care for the LTR. All it will lead to is you getting cheated on and subsequently hurt. If the boundary is crossed, then return the fish to the ocean and bring out your pole once again. There’s plenty more quality ones in the sea.

moto101 · 2020-12-04T17:22:36+00:00

It's probably too late for this already but ideally, you would sit her down the next morning and say "I don't care what you do, but I don't date girls who spend time in bars with single men when I'm not there" and walk away, go to the gym, leave the room, don't wait for a response.

Don't let her DEER. She will probably make some lame excuse about you controlling her, how she's confused, etc. She knows exactly what that means. You have invested time into this woman, you need to work to preserve your investment, but not too hard.

This is a huge test you and her. Does she continue to go out? Next. That is her test. Do you have the frame to walk away if she does it again? That is your test.

Good luck.

Title	LTR’s friends
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	7
Comments	8
Date	December 3, 2020 5:10 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/k61ciw/ltrs-friends/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/ltrs-friends.1596885 https://theredarchive.com/post/1596885

Comments

"last week, they even got her to go to a bar and stay out till like 3 in the morning, get drunk. AND they invited a bunch of their guy friends, and probably were talking shit about me to my gf too."

"this ended up in me telling my gf that she can do what she wants, but i’m not comfortable with that and to take that information how she will for the future (did i handle that right?)."

"i’m not threatened by another man at the bar"

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