Currently have 3 FWBs. (1) 24ish months, (2) 19 months, (3) 13 months. (1) is irrelevant here.

I'm late 20's.

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(2) is a 8.5/10 mid 30's Chinese girl, was adamant about not wanting anything serious since the very beginning and has a "GF" but don't claim each other. Yet she spent $7000 on me on gifts, drinks, dinners, events, trips and a vacation over 19 months. Treated me like I was her BF but not. Never said no to sex and did everything I wanted to her including anal. We also stopped using condoms about 3 months in because she has an IUD. I've came in her plenty of times over the months. She told me multiple times that if I ever wanted to pursue a relationship with someone else to let her know. She'd be okay and that she'd always be there in the future if I ever wanted to "hang out" again. Overall a fit, smart and caring woman minus the fact she drinks beer 24/7. She literally went out of her way on her break to come take a walk with me while I was sick to get fresh air. I don't know how much more wholesome you can get.

(3) started off as fuck buddies. Over the months we grew to like each other a lot and became fwbs. 6 months in she brought up the question followed by she was moving to finish her degree. I told her we should stay casual because she was moving. Got even closer, became pseudo gf/bf, seeing each other 3x a week, sleep over, dates and etc. Eventually she moved and it was sad. Kept in touch and 2 months later I asked if she'd like me to come visit. She loved the idea and so a month later I came to visit. We had a great time and decided to start dating (LDR, I know). She is coming to live with me for a month next week for 1.5 months. If everything works out, she will stay another month and if my finances are in place, she will stay another month and I'll move out there to be with her.

After I got back from the trip, I got drinks with (2) and we were having a great time. Stupidly asked her, "How would you feel if we stopped seeing each other?" She immediately starting tearing up. Changed the subject, went back to my place and we had sex. A few weeks go by and we were talking about something and for whatever reason I started telling her about (3) but not in detail. She got a little emotional but didn't seem too phased by it. This Monday we had sex, watched the game and drinking wine. We were talking and some how she brought up (3). I told her she might see us at the gym together. She immediately started tearing up and said that would not be cool. I tried to reiterate myself but it came out with me basically saying, "I like this girl and she is coming to live with me for a bit and you may see us at the gym. If things don't work out between us, we can just go back to the way we are now, right?". She immediately called me out (which is true) on me wanting to wait until the last minute to tell her that (3) was here and we'd need to stop seeing each other for a bit. We talked a bit more and she said she had to go, walked her downstairs like normal kissed/hugged and she drove off. She got home and said we should take a break so we can get used to us not seeing each other 3x a week. I went beta mode over the next 1.5 days talking to her.

Wednesday night I asked her if she wanted to come over. She declined of course. I continued to be beta and apologize for what I said to her Monday (I've never authentically apologized to her before). She eventually said she'd come over to talk. We talked, cuddled, I escalated, said she wasn't in the mood, backed off and escalated again and had amazing sex. Cuddled a bit more and then she needed to leave due to curfew. Walked her to the car, hugged and kissed and walked back to my apartment, turned around and waved. I thought that would be the last time I'd see her. She drove and stopped in the middle of the road, yelled something, got out of her car, ran up to me and gave me a long hug and kiss and drove home. It really meant a lot to me and I couldn't help but start crying before I made it back to my room. We texted a bit that night. I asked her the next day saying we should do X today because we still hadn't done it after a year of talking about it. She said she was busy. I kinda went beta on her again. Told me that if we do hang out again that I can't bring up (3) ever again because she'd get emotional. She wants us to go back to being "chill" like we always were and right now we aren't "chill" and she doesn't like that.

Things went back to "normal" and we were messaging about the football game later that night. It was around 11:45pm and she messaged me that she wanted to come over but it's too late because of curfew. I told her not to tease me. Chatted a bit more and she said goodnight only to message me a few minutes later asking if she can ask me a question. I said sure. She sends me a photo of a girl who she thought was the girl I was going to be seeing, it wasn't. She kept asking for a photo of her but I wasn't going to show her. She kept saying how she better be prettier than her and if she isn't she would delete me. Things went super down hill after than and she went on how she couldn't pretend she was okay. I tried to voice chat her a bit and I could hear crying and could tell by her voice how heart broken this woman was. She was saying that YOU GUYS ARE MOVING IN TOGETHER THAT ISN'T JUST SEEING EACH OTHER THAT IS A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP AND THIS IS NOT OK AND I'M NOT BUYING THAT SHIT and then she hung up. Eventually she went on to say that if I really wanted to see her again to give her a time and date. I did and then she asked when (3) was gonna be in town. I told her later next week. She back tracked and things continued to go south. Eventually got to the point where she was saying she is gonna delete snapchat and delete my number. Eventually I told her to go to bed cause she was drunk and tired but she kept messaging me. Eventually we both went to bed, I couldn't sleep at all and was shaking all night. I messaged her in the morning asking her if she has cleared her mind. She said she doesn't remember anything from last night (she does). Our texting went back to "normal" and she said we could probably hang out this weekend. I'm not getting my hopes up.

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Now I'm sitting here feeling empty, conflicted, sad, regretting ever saying anything and now second guessing (3). I stupidly believed that (2) would be okay with this and if things didn't work out with (3) that (2) would be okay with getting back with me.

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I think at the end of the day I don't know what I want.