i have what you could call 'womenitis'. women run through my mind all day every day and it's extremely intrusive. im 19, i started swallowing the pill 2 years ago. i lift, run, eat clean, meditate, focus on my mission and passions etc yet my ability to regulate my emotions is awful. for a while i was able to hide my beta bitch self from women while maintaining my fake rp frame, no issues. after dropping HB9 plate i lost my v card to, my emotions have run wild damn near as if she's the one who dumped me.

now, i'm noticing my issues bleed into my other plates and caught myself doing some needy ass shit with my main plate yesterday, have not stopped ruminating since. my insecurities always take control of my actions. with every girl, i regress into beta habits as i become emotionally invested, which happens after just one date sometimes lol. sex isn't fulfilling and i constantly catch myself seeking connection. i have no friends as everyone in my age group is lost, i have no role models to turn to either. im constantly projecting all of my loneliness onto women, extremely self destructive. i fear that i may have some emotional disorder or something. i just don't know how much more of my behavior i can dismiss as a normal part of the progression.