I would like some help identifying the core of my mission, and resources that helped you discover it. If I look at my life rn, I am not happy with the quality of my life. I chase women, but I do not care for them. I invest too much time and energy in women I don't care about. I see this as a direct reflection of my lack of focus on a mission in my life. While my life is stable, I know I am not spending my time doing what I need to do professionally, I do not care for the work I do. If I look at my free time, it is spent in either meeting obligations of others that I have limited interest in, things I feel "I have to do", out of fear, and the rest in near idle entertainment that adds little value to my life. My primary concern is growing up I never discovered an interest in anything other than hedonism and gluttony, short sighted pleasures, gluttony of the mind in terms of porn, gluttony of time in terms of women and gluttony of the body in terms of food. As such, while I have success and stability, I have functional control, but I have no foundation of my own. If I continue down this path, I will continue to live a secure but mediocre life, and I know that I would not be sufficiently satisfied with that. It took TRP and coming out of porn, taking control over my mind and body for me to realise how truly mediocre my life, how small stakes I play for, and I want to do something about it.

I have the next 2 years to learn, experiment and make mistakes with my risk being limited. I am tired of being afraid of my shadow, and blowing in the wind of the pressures of society and those around me. In 2 years time, I will have the opportunity to finish the obligations I have taken upon myself, and take my own place in the world, but I cannot sit on my hands till then and there is much to be done. I wish to learn how to discover myself, avenues I should perhaps aggressively explore, how to make myself financially industructable, as in fuck you money and more for example, as well as acquire power and control over my life and future finances and happiness, and socially as well, that is reputation and some related social power. Time is on my side and I have certain security now which I wish to utilise.

Things I know about myself: -I work best alone or in small groups. While I am social, I also need my time to recharge. In social settings I can turn myself "on" and excite large groups of people, but I know that I'm a natural people person. -I have a technically oriented mind, which is more than just engineering, I have the ability to grasp nuance -I am not naturally a hard worker, but if I apply my mind to something I can work hard to achieve it -I value my freedom of time and movement, the ability to engage with new things, ideas and people -I am a creature of habit for the most part, I'm not overly fond of travel for the sake of travel, but I do wish to expand my horizons

In a sense, I wish to be a financially secure, real-life the most interesting man in the world. If I look at my interests now, they were primarily dictated by ego, an idea of who I waned myself to be, dictated by popular media. I have no concern with the past, and am looking to the future of what the world can be, what professions can exist that don't already. I have a few interesting ideas, but I am not compelled by any of them as of yet. I take ownership for my action and my plans, but any resources, thoughts or plans you may know of, I'd be glad to hear valuable answers.