Need help dealing with ex gf.

anonlymouse · 2014-09-26T20:13:20+00:00

[permanently deleted]

esnir · 2014-09-25T13:12:18+00:00

You sound like the bigger hamster in this scenario. Your oneitis over this chick is palpable. You're not using RP correctly, you SHOULD be using it to become a man going his own way, but I get the impression you're using it more to get this chick to love you again, which she doesn't. Next her, move on.

[deleted] · 2014-09-25T09:31:15+00:00

Consider the possibility of her cheating before the breakup and continuing after. Is she still worth it?

You are on the right track but might slip back to comfortable beta once back together and she'll dump you again. Spare yourself the trouble and work on yourself but it's not recommended to plate her.

minuscipher · 2014-09-25T16:24:22+00:00

This is going to be hard to hear. No matter how you look at she will be your kryptonite, she will cripple you back to a beta, best to cut it here before it gets worst and in all honesty, it is never good to keep an ex around anyways, she is your enabler, she made you a beta; this is your opportunity to break free and work on yourself.

MasonJarTeaDrinker · 2014-09-25T15:24:08+00:00

It's done my friend, she see's you as the beta that you were not as the Alpha that you inspire to be. MAYBE and that's a huge MAYBE, if in a couple of years you two cross paths again and she see's that you've become a better and stronger more grounded man, than she might give you a shot. Right now, at this moment though, you gotta let it go, shit happens and it sucks but she has lost attraction to you, yea she fucked you but it's because she's comfortable with you. Shake it off brotha and get back on your feet.

antikonti1 · 2014-09-25T10:45:09+00:00

The hamstering with this one is of the roof, guys. She texted me that she did good on a job interview today. I replied with "i am happy for you, wish you good luck". Everything is normal so far. Brief friendly convo.

2 minutes after i got the following text "screw you! get out of my life! laugh if you want but i'm not over you. for me you are dead too. we're not going out together ever again".

And now i'm like just WHAT THE FUCK?

antikonti1 · 2014-09-25T15:16:16+00:00

Thanks for the replies, guys. I can't say that i'm fully over the beta-side of me but i'm doing my best to overcome that. I'm not focusing mainly on her right now because i'm going out with 3 more girls at the time but nothing serious so far - i just want to get used to the RP.

Today after she texted me that she showed up to my place an hour later, asking me why did i replied with "good luck" to her text like i didn't care and so on. I told her that i really wish her good luck and i really don't care because she decided not to be a part of my life anymore. Anways i said to her that i will not put up with her shit more and gave her 2 choices - to go NC again forever or that we will go out and meet each other like we're dating and will be doing that till we see that we can be together again or till we see that we're not going to be together ever again.

She agreed for the second option. I told her that even if we can manage to be together she could not expect me to take her shit seriously and she can consider to cut all that crap for the future.

Anyways, i made a mistake (i suppose) because she tried to tell me that i'll do anything to be with her (because i did in the past) and i laughed and told her that there are plenty of women out there that would kill to be with me. She proceeded to ask me which are those women and i told her that i cannot tell her that (because simply i can't name them) yet she kept asking me like i was aware of them. You can guess that she putted her angry face and didn't wanted to talk about something else. That moment i really thought of her like a little angry girl so i laughed and didn't try to argue or something with her. So i guess i did the right RP thing instead of trying to explain to her something like the past overly-beta me.

So i guess we'll be seeing each other every now and then and maybe we will get together again (because if she didn't wanted that for sure she wouldn't agree in the first place). The only thing i need to do is to keep reading and changing my life into RP for good. Already running + going to the gym + spending only 1 or 2 hours a day at home (without the sleeping of course).

thebuddhalifts · 2014-09-25T19:00:15+00:00

"Should i leave her alone for real or should i keep practicing that RP till the point where we will be together again? " Christ faggots like you should get off the sub

[deleted] · 2014-09-25T20:05:14+00:00

All you did was use TRP terms to male hamster your betaness. You went to her house and she wouldn't let you in but you stay lmao, move on brother your only delaying the inventible. Once your ready to admit you're still a beta then nothing here will help you

mbillion · 2014-09-26T05:12:06+00:00

Nothing about what you wrote indicates you have truly learned anything from lurking in this sub.

The gift buying, randomly showing up, going back to your beta role already, its all the same BP stuff. You are simply validating her emotions and for a time this is going to work.

Why will this work? because she has for a month lived without validation from you and intrinsically she enjoys your validation of her. However, just like it did before, the satisfaction she gets from your validation lessens. Like a heroin addict she needs more and more each time, this meaning your grand gestures continually have less and less of the effect that you want. The other side of this coin is that the sex she is giving you right now is her way of validating your validation. However, as the emotional effect of your validation wears off her sexual validation of you will also fade. She knows that right now things are shaky and if she wants your validation she has to put out. But there is no future. You are playing a zero sum game in which you get hurt.

My last point on validation is this. If I were a betting man I would most likely suggest that she had another man and that is why she dumped you in the first place. Once you were no longer in the picture the other guy lost interest (because if he is anything like many men the thrill is in the chase, the pursuit of something everybody tells you should not pursue for example - a girl with a 4 year committed relationship). So once the guy lost interest, stopped validating her in lieu of using her holes to bust a nut, she is willing to respond to your validation. In my experience one month is about the exact right amount of time for something like this to happen. The cycle is complete and you again become the beta.

On another note you are honestly asking a bunch of men who would ditch her for help winning her back which leads me to believe that you in your heart of hearts knows that this is a fools errand. What will be best for you is to move on from her, go no contact. Find some new girls, have some fun elsewhere and just do what you do - but revisiting an old relationship that has already failed is only going to end in you being the beta loser she uses until another alpha comes along so she can leave you

jeezydasnowman · 2014-09-25T14:02:02+00:00

Send shorter texts, no congrats or convos. "?", "k", and "..." are the only three texts u should be replying w, if u even reply at all.

Lift lift lift.

3-6 months nc while u get ur life straight and internalize rp knowledge and get some plates. One day in the future if u feel like plating her text her to meet up but do not let her snag u into a Ltr. Abundance mentality bro - lifting and spinning will cure that oneitis real quick.

[deleted] · 2014-09-25T08:24:56+00:00

deep down you know you fucked it up already. accept that and proceed with a RP mindset

you should never take what she says seriously. judge her by her actions. frame it the way you want it (without breaking down into beta-mode). FWB may work

however, be careful with that. it can be damaging to you. put your needs first and recognize when it becomes too much to handle. when it does, hard next

stickfiguresk · 2014-09-25T09:58:15+00:00

Stick to FWB and don't buy her anything else. Start seeing other women and she'll go fucking crazy for you--and you'll be a happier man with options. FYI she's probably already fucking other guys.

LifterofThings · 2014-09-25T13:17:51+00:00

I think you're doing exactly the right thing. Ignore the outbursts, reward the good, sweet behavior with your attention.

You've already recognized that what she's saying and what she's doing are vastly different, and were I in your shoes, I'd ignore what she says and trust her actions. If you want to keep this (apparently mercurial) chick long-term, you're going to have to learn to differentiate a shit test from genuine emotional distress and react accordingly (ignore, reassure, respectively).

Don't explain what you're doing/what you've done ever again-- she doesn't want to hear it and doesn't know how to process the information. You're starting in a deficit, OP, but it sounds to me like you're going about fixing it exactly right.

antikonti1 · 2014-09-25T16:34:10+00:00

I know all this guys yet i'm willing to do it. It is my choice and i'm willing to take the risk. It's me becoming alpha as fuck and make her my unicorn or she making me beta as hell and dumping me all over again leaving me like dog shit on the sidewalk.

Just want your opinion on what IF i can manage to pull this off like i should?

Title	Need help dealing with ex gf.
Author	antikonti1
Upvotes	11
Comments	29
Date	September 25, 2014 7:30 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2hetko/need_help_dealing_with_ex_gf/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/need-help-dealing-with-ex-gf.142394 https://theredarchive.com/post/142394

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