I do not want this to be another NAWALT post. She’s special in her own way but AWALT applies always.

So about 2.5 years ago is when I first found the red pill, I was 19 at the time. It saved me from myself. I was a heavy drug user and PMO addict. Red pill inspired me to quit PMO (for the most part) and heavily cut back on my drug use (now I just drink and smoke pot socially). Also I moved out about 6-8 months into my red pill journey. I went through a 90 day nofap hard reset and it ended with me landing my first plate (not my first lay by far, I’m 6’2” and, yes, height will get you laid in high school).

We started seeing each other pretty frequently after that. She would shower me with gifts, food, & sex. She was my main source of sex, as the sex was amazing damn near every time (she’s a fit petite 21 year old). When she was on her period or busy I had other plates that I would call over. It was a beautiful time. This went on for about 6-8 months.

Then one night, while over her house, she had a sad look in her eyes while we she was sitting in my lap before sex and I could tell she was wanting to tie down her perceived alpha, me. And in a moment of weakness I decided it was time to make her my girlfriend, that she had “earned it”. And so began the beginning of the end.

About 4 weeks in a moment happened that will forever be burned into my memory. She was sleeping in my bed, naked, and I was sitting beside the bed reading the rational male. I had just read the part where it talks about how relationships impede person growth and it really resonated with me. I looked up from my book and at her bare ass and had a moment to myself. I was at a crossroads. My higher power had just told me that I was at he point in my life were I should be doing the most personal growth while in a very fresh relationship. I decided that the red pill, the very thing that changed my life, could not be right all the time. That I could be my own “higher power” with the red pill knowledge I had so far.

Over time I began to get comfortable. We started spending a lot more time together. Now that I was her LTR the excitement died down. She started to become more like a friend. Overstepping in situations I had to handle that I will not get into. At one point I was going to end the LTR but she started crying and caved in. All my red pill training falling apart. At the same time AWALT was getting more and more burned into my head, as I saw her immaturity more and more. My abundance mindset crumbled, as she was my only source of pussy. Not to say the relationship wasn’t great in so many ways. We still had sex all the time, she still gave me gifts and food lot and drove me around. Due to me being so comfortable I made a mistake in my business that cost me about $25,000, just about all the money I had at the time. This metaphorically was the finally blow to my abundance mindset. I could feel it in my head, I was not the same person I was when I first moved out. I knew what I had to do, I just didn’t know how to do it.

This part is embarrassing. I’m going to be as honest with you and myself as possible.

I knew I had to end the LTR. It was about 5 months since we had be dating exclusively. I was too beta or blue pilled to actually do it, as she was my only pussy source for months and I was still financially barely making ends meet. So I got quiet. She ended up filling up the space with noise. I went to her house one night and ended it. I don’t believe I did it right, I was blaming. I basically told her she talked about herself too much, when in reality I was not ready for a LTR. She cried and got angry and I left.

Now it’s been 8 months and I’ve had a few pump and dumps but I can’t really get into spinning plates again. I deleted her number and pictures to help myself get past it. But I hear her name everywhere, and the part of me the believes in law of attraction thinks it’s a sign. I feel crazy. The deal in the pet trade and there’s a fish that shares her name that I hear all the time. My friends who use recreational drugs talk about the drug that shares the same name as her. And last night, after binge watching some AMS on YouTube, I had a vivid dream about her (dreams are a are occurrence for me so I tend believe they have special meaning).

I want to get in contact with her again and not start a LTR but make her my plate again. She was an amazing plate, 9/10 if not 10/10. I don’t know how to go about doing that or even if I should. Any and all advice would be greatly appreciated, my blue pill friends are about as good as useless for advice.

TLDR: I turned a long term plate into a LTR when I was not ready for a LTR. Basically shot myself in the foot doing that. Ended it with her months ago but want to plate her again as she was a great plate. Don’t know how to go about making her a plate again or even if I should. Any and all advice greatly appreciated.