The short intro
Starting self improving couple years ago. Spun plates for 2yrs and landed my current GF. Made sure to keep up with myself and managed to keep her love and affection going, did my thing, she used to joke "she's just in my world" and called me fiercely independent. We don't live together, kept that away.

Been in an LTR for 3yrs. I'm not lying when I say that we've had maybe 3 arguments. We traveled together, did shit and always made a good team. People were amazed how well we got along. She cooked when she was over, took care of laundry, drinks, very sexual, never rejected sex etc. After 3yrs we still fucked like bunnies.

The Situation Now for the last couple months ~4mo
My behaviour changed towards her. I started wanting less sex, didn't touch her as much, didn't perv over her as much, and my moods started to be more of the "annoyed" type with little shit she does. Fast forward, after introspection and putting some puzzles pieces together, I figured it out. I lost attraction for her due to her lack of motivation in the gym and hence some weight gain.

Since we were always honest etc, I told her one night but in a nice tone. Explained what I believe happened and said she's always known physical attraction for me is a must. The passion, the desire I have for sex with my gf is important, and she couldn't understand how my feelings of everything we went through could change so much just by losing attraction. She didn't like hearing it, but said she understood.

Here's the odd part. I have a sister with a history of depression and issues with our dad that fucked her up so depression is a real thing according to me and not to be taken lightly. She says that lately she feels her depression coming back like 4yrs ago (before us). Didn't mention it to me coz I'm a hard ass and not very "in tune with my emotions" so she ddin't tell me. I called BS because she knows I won't do that due to my sister's situation. She said her lack of motivation and the "slump" she is in right now is because of this. We agreed that she needs to find help since I can't help her. Take note, this is the first time she's saying this to me. I know her behaviour pretty fucking well and never once this past months did I notice any "depression" in her. No sadness, smiled, we did our thing, like normal. That's my first red flag, why tell me this now when I just told you the cause of my attraction loss, is she playing victim?

The two aspects of our relationship, emotional (her being a good woman, cooking etc) and the physical (desire, sex) both need to be there for me to want to be with her. The emotional part is good, no issues there. But the physical loss of attraction is affecting everything. She said how, after everything she's been through with me (some issues I had, surgery etc), can I just want to leave her based on this one problem. Why not support her to get the help she needs, which in turn will bring back the motivation to work out, lose the lbs etc. I didn't have an explanation.

If I stay, she'll feel pressured and judged everytime her clothes come off in front of me. So we agreed she'll go get help and work on herself. I guess this is what people call a break or some shit. I'm an amoral person, I have a side fling to keep the sex steady but I don't have any emotional attachment to this plate, just keep the pipes empty.

I have some observations and questions. I'd like some objective, good explanations from the community to make sure my emotional state is not clouding my judgement.

Questions:

  1. Why didn't she ever talk to me about it if she knew it's a big deal?
  2. If her depression symptoms are the cause of the lack of motivation, why not take the responsibility as an adult and realize you need to fix it because it will affect your relationship? Fix it before we got to this point. Months ago!
  3. Since day 1, she knew I never wanted a fat woman. I was open from the start, so why get so complacent about it in the first place?
  4. I can't judge whether she's playing victim or if this is a serious thing. Her behaviour didn't show any sign of "unhappyness".

Thoughts about next steps:

It is true that she's been with me through some shitty times with surgery and things. She was a great support and took care of me really good. Part of me thinks that she needs a chance now that I reached a point where I told her that her complacency is a problem. Part of me thinks it's fair since she's human and deserves a chance to fix it instead of just dropping her like a sack of potatoes. After all, my experience when I had surgery, was sick etc is not the same as others on TRP where women dump them. Mine was the opposite. Thoughts?

What stands out to me is the fact that she didn't get mad, but agreed that she gained weight. She understood where I came from eventhough she didn't agree with me "leaving" just because of a little weight gain. This is what threw me off. She admitted that yes she gained weight, and she needs to fix it.

Appreciate the inputs guys. As much as I try to be objective, being emotionally involved is hard.