I have no idea if this is the right sub. So here's a little background, I'm your typical FA like many who were around at TRP, no gf, shitty social life, bla bla. Here's the thing, I've always heard girls say stuff about only personality matters, you're a sweet guy, the same bs women throw. Thing is I knew they were lying, cause I was seeing them fall for assholes infront on my own eyes. It has left me bitter for a while, cause I knew if i tried to be like those assholes, I'd come off as a try hard which led me to spend lots of my time on the internet.

I came across a shitty site called puahate, unfortunately, I'm sure some of you know it. Basically a site full of FA like me but instead of improving themselves, they spend their time criticizing themselves and others chiefly because of looks and think if you're not an 8/10 good looking male you have the right to just end your life and they kinda got to me. Ofcourse once I saw that website and saw lots of people like me getting rejected for other guys, I automatically assumed that what they're saying is true cause I didn't find another community like that one. ofc the word redpill gets mentioned there pretty often but i never knew there was a community over here and what its purpose was. So I spent like 2 years pretty much addicted to that website, since they were the only people i knew i could relate to.

Part of me wanted to leave this damned website cause of how insecure it makes you and the other part wanted to stay. I was really suicidal for some time (see my other post on r/depression). Basically my biggest insecurity over the years over there is that I don't look masculine enough. I've always had a weak frame, narrow skull and a kinda week jaw aka beta orbiter look. I always think whatever body i might even try to get, my feminine face will look retarded on it, which has put me off from going to the gym or doing any sort of self improvement. Thing is before going there, I knew I wasn't the most masculine looking dude but I don't look like a woman either. I spend hours just looking at mirrors taking photos and videos of my self, even comparing face with my other "more masculine" friends/celebrities/models etc just in hope that 1 picture might make me appear not weak.Seeing those POF,OKC and tinder experiments there and being the perfectionist I am added more fuel to the fire. But then lately overthere, some pretty good looking dudes joined and starting posting their pictures. The guys who I thought would get my gf if i had one and they're were FA. So i thought now was the time to leave the place cause i guess they were wrong all along, I thought if i worked hard enough on myself I might overcome my insecurities.

So I was browsing reddit and came across here, I felt kinda better reading the success posts here, guys who became the person who they want to be, etc...and most importantly being happy without mentioning looks. I want do the same, but being on puahate for that long is making it hard to take any active steps especially with the insecurites pretty much hardwired in me.

I know you might think this is an attention whoring/venting but any sort of encouragement might help me better my life. And dont flame me please, my life is bad already.