Hey. ready for hash comments on this, don't be kind with me ;).

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I am not really suffering by “oneitis”, defined as believing a particular woman is “the one”, but something that has similar practical effects, and I’d like some advice about how to counter the situation I will describe below:

I’m 37, introduced to RP ideas/reads 1 year ago while ending a really long LTR.

I like to have fun with women for the sake of it (who doesn’t?) but ultimately I want a family/kids. On one side while not exactly religious, I think that I’m on earth to perpetuate my blood line, and that’s the ultimate meaning of life. On the other side I feel/hope that a family life will provide the sense of urgency I need to go forward and be the best version of myself – I have always relied on some sort of external pressure to get things done (parents’ expectations when younger, competition with peers, wanting to imitate a role model, etc.).

I realize I can have children at 50, but to me it is important that I will be still physically fit when kids will hit their early teens. I practice, and teach professionally, outdoor/mountain sports and value them as a way to teach “hardship” and responsible risk taking to young people. I want to do this kind of stuff with my siblings, up to the point when they are responsible enough to go on their own. I’d love to be the kind of father described in Tommy Caldwell’s autobiography “The Push” (a bit of a RP read in some chapters).

I calculated I have maybe 4 to 5 shots at finding a “mother material” woman, vetting her sufficiently and building things gradually before I’m 40…

As a result of all this, I find myself in a hurry to find a suitable partner, which practically has the same effects of oneitis, as soon as any decent girl I date gets past an hookup/FWB status: risk-adverse behaviour, over-investing, not spinning side-plates enough or with the right mindset*. Always on the edge of coming across as needy/desperate, and definitely not in control of the situation, as I am the one asking for more.

Any practical tips, mind tricks I can play with myself to keep a cool head , let the right women push for steps forward in relationships, and avoid putting all my eggs in the same basket too soon? (I know the abundance talk, plate theory, etc. It is just really hard to convert it from a purely intellectual opinion to a core belief).

*note: I manage to game, date and even fuck other women occasionally, while mainly dating one particular woman, and even when in a defined LTR. But I only do it in a mindset that reminds that of a good catholic husband who indulges in guilty pleasures secretly, then goes to the priest to confess his sins weeping…all while putting his wife on a pedestal.

(nb I am from a very catholic country , had catholic education, and where I’ve grown up women expect this from men and won’t settle for anything else. They are either your whore or your angel… problem is, I moved to a neighboring “anti-catholic” country where women’s expectation is the opposite: neither your whore, neither your angel.).