I know I put too much of my worth on women. I know I have oneitis. I understand all the concepts of redpill but putting them into practice is still insanely difficult for me. I’ve always had trouble maintaining frame over extended periods of time. I just can’t get out of my emotional and reactionary side of the brain sometimes. So i usually just shrugged it off and started things up with the next girl.

The girl I’m currently with I have lost frame with several times over the course of 8 months. As a a result she’s obviously lost attraction in me. But it guess I didn’t know fucked up I was because a few weeks ago I fucking hanged myself.

I used a web belt so the buckle wasn’t fully secure and I dropped to the floor some time after losing consciousness. I called oneitis tells her what happens. We kiss. Go back to lovey dovey shit for the next weeks. But no sex. She grows a bit more distant over the next couple weeks. Beta boy blue pill starting trying to find ways to get her to be intimate again instead of just ghosting.

So today we had plans for a date and then she blows it off to have lunch with her mom. Then she comes over at night but it turns out she’s only here for like 3 minutes. She says she’s about to hang out at a mutual friends house and I’m like “alright let’s go” but she tells me it’s a girls night.

So a few hours later I check our friends Snapchat story and it turns out oneitis is out there with another guy.

I’m fucking furious. I put a gaping fucking hole in my wall and nearly fucking hang myself again. My entire desire for life is tied around this one girl, I’m so fucking fucked.

I can’t go to a psychiatric ward or I’ll get held against my will. I don’t really have friends or family to rely on either.

I get that the solution would probably be ghost, lift, go out and daygame but I’m clearly super fucked in the head and need to work on myself inwardly not just change my external environment.

Also looking for some more immediate solutions to taking back control of my brain the next time we feel this way.

I know exactly what is wrong with me but I can’t fucking stop it.