I’ve always been an eccentric kid. Quiet with randoms but very open and annoying with the people I knew. During HS (which was a year ago), I was the guy who’d do anything during class to get away from the lecture and waste time on Reddit, sports videos, reading, literally whatever I could. If I tried to listen to the teacher, thirty seconds passed before my mind completely glossed over what they were saying.

I feel like this has transitioned into my social life, too. Frankly, I’m a little more hyper and annoying than not. Last summer was the eye opener for me. I worked long hours as a surf instructor. Contrary to what you might think, it was a fucking exhausting job. By the time it was all said and done, I’d return home with absolutely zero energy.

And my friends loved it. That summer was really the first and truly only time where I was regularly invited and cherished by the social circles I wanted most. And you know what they said? “You finally stopped being fake, CTButters. We really like when you act like yourself.” But that’s the secret, is that I didn’t really change. Not in a big way. I was so absolutely drained from work that I couldn’t be hyperactive and annoying. What was left was I guess “acting like myself”.

And of course, this transfers to girls. Now, I’ve been reading theory and really been trying to cram this shit into my brain. And it works! But when I’m with the girl, when it’s just down to us: sometimes, I’m fucking weird. I like to think I’m a humorous dude, and that infinite gusto and energy translates half the time. But in other cases, thoughts fly past my filter and I end up saying or acting retarded things. And I’m not sure what to do.

I’m planning on visiting a doctor to actually see if this is me being stupid or an actual condition. But in either case, how do I fix this? TRP teaches a code of action and a viewpoint of life. Sure, but how does that work for me if my basal self is far too animated? If I do get diagnosed and if I do get medication, it might help. But other than that, what can I do?

(Also it might seem my reasons for ADHD are shallow here, but I tried to make the post short. I’ve been looking online and the parallels are strong enough for me to make this post.)