Realizing I can't have it all

vandaalen · 2017-07-12T15:13:31+00:00

Why wouldn't you be able to be a doctor and take care of a family?

Metalageddon · 2017-07-12T15:17:01+00:00

You should check out redpillwomen, they'll be able to help you a lot.

GreenPiller · 2017-07-12T16:58:34+00:00

I'm pretty sure you can find a decent guy if you cultivate these traits. What I worry about is the fact that you would technically be dating down in a sense, especially with a doctor's salary. The guy would have to make it up in other ways but I've seen marriages crash down because of this. The woman will always see him as inferior to her.

quicklogaccount · 2017-07-12T16:59:39+00:00

Stop. Worrying. About. Shit.
Thank your parents for their efforts, you're about to live life in easy mode.

Do you trust your ability to tell apart a guy that only wants to fuck you from a guy that is looking for a relationship? It's as obvious as it looks.
You can rest assured you'll come across some guys that will gladly enter relationships with you and invest in these relationships. No matter whether you fucked two or 40 men. This sucks.
When one of these guys come along enter the relationship and don't ever become a nagging whining bitch. You'll be a blue piller's dream and you'll live happily ever after. He'll go to the blue pill sub and point fingers at us.

The best strategy you can apply is there is showing some openness to attract guys, hinting the ones that aren't looking into pumping and dumping you, and seeing first hand if they can nourish a relationship. I believe most guys can offer the stability you seek, you'll look for one that can keep enough attraction. Provided that you haven't fucked a million guys you'll be cool there.

LordThunderbolt · 2017-07-12T17:30:05+00:00

I don't think it's necessary or even smart to take a year off your studies jslust to learn how to cook and clean. That's stuff you can easily do on your down time. Finish your studies. The process of becoming a doc is long enough already

blackedoutfast · 2017-07-12T21:13:30+00:00

are you hot? your appearance matters far more than your degree at least for the purpose of finding a high quality, more traditionally minded guy.

for a lot of the high-value, more trad gender role alpha male types who want to get married and have a family, your focus on going to medical school and going into a long hours, high stress job is actually a huge negative. a successful guy who is looking for a potential wife candidate is going to be looking for a woman to be the mother of his children and who will be able to focus on them.

that's the whole idea behind the traditional gender roles - the man focuses on his career and making money, and the wife focuses on family and the home. if the woman goes out and works isntead of being a SAHM, sure it will bring in more money, but you'll just turn around and spend most of it on daycare and babysitters.

are you sure that being a doctor is really what you want? or is your real goal more about taking care of other people and being able to provide for your parents and being successful and all that, and doctor is just the path to get there? try to imagine a world where doctors have shitty low salaries and it's not a prestigious job - would you still want to be a doctor?

also don't focus too much on all the nice good parts of being a doctor when you're saving lives and curing a little kid's cancer or whatever. you're also going to see a lot of death and unfixable problems and very sad situations.

MattyAnon · 2017-07-12T17:38:46+00:00

I'm realizing that men don't like that.

It's not that men don't like that... many do... it just doesn't increase your sexual attractiveness.

I know I'll be like 33 and low smv once I'm finally practicing. I'm totally fine with not marrying a doctor as long as he has goals in life.

Ah, but you want to marry. Marriage is a great deal for you, but it's a FUCKING TERRIBLE deal for a man, and we advise men not to marry for that reason.

Do you guys think if I truly practice femininity learning to adore/respect and follow my man that I can find someone that will love me?

Yes if you're attractive.

? I don't want to go for the typical beta nice guy. I know that sounds shitty, but I'm a girl. I want a traditional dynamic for a relationship because that's exactly how my parents marriage was, and it really worked for them.

You want the alpha/beta combination, same as every girl.

What kills it is that a man who commits to you will be seen... BY YOU... as beta. Sooner or later you will test "is he prepared to leave". This is instinctive. If he leaves you lose him. If he stays you won't respect him.

I've accepted how I am and am trying to go against my nature.

Going against your nature is pointless, you should embrace it and be honest about it.

I just want to know if there's any hope for me... If there isn't, feel free to tell me. I'll accept that I can only be a doctor with a bunch of cats. I just want to know what I'm signing up for.

If you're attractive and not a cunt, you'll find it easy enough to find a decent guy who you can lock down into marriage. There's plenty of idiots around still.

Do you want kids?

DSetupDTitleDMenu · 2017-07-13T05:04:53+00:00

I'd still become a doctor anyway. If you're holding out for mister six-figures handsome alpha, you're gambling on something that might not happen. Most guys are spineless dorks, anyway. Once you reach, say, thirty-five and you haven't seduced the alpha of your dreams and you abandoned med school, you're going to be both unattractive and broke. Trust me, the only way to deal with irreversible misery is money. Something I don't have yet, hahaha.

But on the flipside, you can still be that feminine lady that every guy worth his salt desires and still have a good career going.

Good luck with that, though.

jurguenklomiken · 2017-07-12T17:29:06+00:00

Just don't become an entitled bitchy Disney princess. Obviously, your pool of suitable men will reduce, but you can certainly find some men with alpha traits (alphas,high-betas or sigmas) at the top.

Not all men are looking for a 50s-style stay-at-home wife. I'm certainly not. And we can enjoy interesting deep conversations. Just keep your ego and entitlement in check, look for those who are assertive risk-takers and let them lead.

Love8Death · 2017-07-12T21:15:14+00:00

I'd certainly consider a feminine woman that's a doctor Iff she will devote herself to me and put me first.

Met a female doctor the other day that caught my interest. She was sexy and feminine but career driven and capable.

Weak whiney unmasculine men couldn't handle you and will hate your type.

LeftAndRed · 2017-07-13T01:42:35+00:00

Be a doctor, but stick to a field that lets you control your time. Anasthesiologists are notorious for being able to set a light schedule. I think OBGYNs are usually home by 6 too.

You can work 20 hours a week as a doctor, help people, support the house, and be an excellent first-mate and mother.

You don't need to let go of the big goals if you can compromise on the specifics.

drypumpkin20 · 2017-07-13T03:28:55+00:00

if u never get a man u always get attention her bb

Pro_Like_Me · 2017-07-13T20:53:43+00:00

Youve taken this too far. Youre putting men on a pedestal now.

bob13bob · 2017-07-12T19:41:30+00:00

For gods sake be more skeptical. Contrary to most bitter men on here,. High earning power does raise your smv as a women. I live in the bay area filled with power couples, in fact you can't even buy a house unless you are both high earners.

A year off to cook and clean is preposterous if you have the brains and drive for medicine.

Viking_RnP · 2017-07-12T19:38:22+00:00

Quit hamstering your life away and just live it.

kranos33 · 2017-07-12T23:49:49+00:00

There is some really bad advice in here. I know some really successful couples where the wife is the doctor, and they manage their times perfectly.

Who they married: one is a business manager at a big firm, the other is a designer st a startup, the other is an engineer and a large tech companies.

They complain a bit about the availability of their wifes but overall they are very happy. The engineer and the designer have very flexible time schedules and often work from home (tech companies are very lenient on that).

A friend of mine is an engineer and he really want to marry a doctor, so she provides with steady salary while he tries to built up a startup and make apps from home.

Almost from my circle, being and doctor is a huge plus to the RMV of a woman (you bring a lot of value to a relationship to a family that is not just sex).

Also, keep in mind that the demographic in this sub can vary from well educated folks to folks that barely could finish high school, so the "I want the wife to cook and clean" crowd are not the type of guys that would be a match to you.

As an educated person, and an entrepreneur, I'd would have loved to be paired up with a doctor.

Ps. Another anecdote: my sister and brother in law are super busy lawyer, but they manage their kids very well, and have a cadre of people to help: full time nany, cook (a couple of days a week), maids to clean, laundry service, etc. they are not that expensive actually, and get rid most of chores so you only focus on quality time with your family.

Title	Realizing I can't have it all
Author	Distressedaway675
Upvotes	12
Comments	74
Date	July 12, 2017 2:52 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/6muf6y/realizing_i_cant_have_it_all/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/realizing-i-cant-have-it-all.94014 https://theredarchive.com/post/94014

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