Setting boundaries vs no Mate Guarding

couppower · 2018-01-15T23:14:53+00:00

Okay so it’s pretty simple. In my opinion, setting boundaries is for your frame only. She knows what would be okay to do and what isn’t. If she crosses that boundary then you next her. Telling her not to go would look insecure. She’s not 5 she knows what she’s doing.

So if you tell her not to go then that’s mate guarding.

Don’t tell her what she can and can’t do. See how she behaves and act accordingly.

beastmodeking · 2018-01-15T23:15:18+00:00

if I knew my girl was texting a guy that much I would end it or downgrade her. I've seen to many times where a chick is texting a guy like your situation where she's fucking him or has something with him on the side. the minute she told you she's going to hang with that guy she just became not your girl just your turn.

360_no_scope_upvote · 2018-01-15T23:21:06+00:00

Who is one? your description is confusing. If she's your girlfriend, all you need to say is "No girlfriend of mine goes on dinner dates with other men" and if she follows through, you dump her, just like that. She know what she did/is doing is wrong. Women aren't dumb, they test how far they can get away with shit. Do you think a girl who is really into you would even consider having dinner with another man alone? She knows what it looks like and if she really cared she wouldn't risk you walking away.

If it's a plate it's none of your business.

1Pink1Stink · 2018-01-16T00:35:44+00:00

You just don't understand. If she crosses a boundary then you leave her for it. It's not something you tell her. You have to let her make that mistake so you can she who she naturally is. If you tell her your boundries, than she's just gonna find a way around it.

Mate guarding is when you let your insecurity convince you that something is worse than it really is.

Fontess · 2018-01-16T00:07:24+00:00

I bet your gf is not stupid. you dont need to tell her shit, she already knows she is behaving like shit. I doesnt matter what u say. If she respected your relationship she wouldnt go on a dinner-date with an oribter. no matter what u say she will either ridicule and honestly tell you she wont respect your boundaries or she will put on act like she respects your boundaries while laughing inside. instead of talking with her just withdraw whatever she wants from you. Become emotionally distant. meet some other women and when she asks where you have been you straight out tell her since she havent been here that you went on a dinner with a "friend" (that can really be friend or some side chick) become emotionally available for that other girl because you actually had so much fun that night and she is so cool actually. showing her "plan your dates with your orbiters and you are done" is far more effective than telling her something she already god damn knows.

900_year_old_vampire · 2018-01-15T23:19:16+00:00

my philosophy is, give far less of a shit. you cant control other people, you can only control yourself. so just control yourself. if she wants to go to dinner with some other guy, thats fine. the thing is, if you genuinely dont care, then she isnt going to want to in the first place. she'll just want to be with you. dont get too caught up in all the terminology. obviously you should have boundaries and you should be true to them, but its not something youre supposed to really say out loud in some kind of premeditated way. you just have them

Sir_Distic · 2018-01-16T01:10:18+00:00

You need to decide what is acceptable and what is not. Set that shit in stone in your mind. That is a line that she does not cross. Ever. For me it's dinner/a date,kissing, sex, texting sexual things and similar. Also party trips like "girls week in Vegas".

You don't own her. You cannot control her. If you tell her "You can't go" that is mate guarding and she'll resent you for it. But if you tell her "I can't tell you what to do, but if you go to dinner with another man who I know has feelings for you then I will not tolerate that." or something similar. Let her know you're willing to walk if she steps over that line. And you damn well better mean it. If she goes, it's over.

Edit: She'd already made up her mind at that point. She was already gone, all she needed was a reason/excuse.

Metalageddon · 2018-01-16T20:42:48+00:00

Never say what she can and can't do. That's guarding and controlling.

Instead you can live by example. Internalize your walking points and demonstrate them. Be happy to walk. Instantly.

juliusstreicher · 2018-01-18T23:30:33+00:00

If she gives an ultimatum, with the choice being doing what she wants or else she'll go fuck another guy, tell her to go fuck the other guy. Then, ghost her.

However, if, before it gets to this point, and she is texting another guy regularly, demote her without her knowing it. She is playing a whore and deserves no explanations.

OfficerWade · 2018-03-22T06:51:46+00:00

Mate guarding is a blue pill perspective vs Setting boundaries aka ur frame is red pill perspective. One is flexible. The girl can go out with her friends and you trust her to come home without getting fucked at whatever function she’s going to and Then you have B where you make her stay home. And she eventually resents you for making her unhappy.

Title	Setting boundaries vs no Mate Guarding
Author	financialwar
Upvotes	2
Comments	14
Date	January 15, 2018 11:09 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/7qnulj/setting_boundaries_vs_no_mate_guarding/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/setting-boundaries-vs-no-mate-guarding.122102 https://theredarchive.com/post/122102

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