G'day gents,

TL;DR at the bottom. I'm currently going through a mental struggle where I cannot decide on what fork in the road I should take so I've come here from some grounding, hard truths, and perspective on whether I should return to a relationship with my Ex or not.

Body:

I (28yo) met my ex (22yo) out in the city one night around two years ago. Some months went by before I decided to make it an LTR and for the majority of that time it was a great relationship. I feel like we had a good connection probably the best connection I've had with anyone in my life, similar humor and shared interests.However we began to have fights at the end of last year and it eventually led to the breakdown of our relationship. She felt like I wasn't putting enough effort in and things I would say would sometimes be taken as insensitive, out of context or ballooned out of proportion which in turn created more fights. I will take some responsibility for how she felt, I had dropped my ball somewhat however I had decided eventually that I'd had enough and decided to break up with her. This was extremely rough for both of us, something I certainly hadn't expected for myself was how much I realized I loved her and wished it'd just worked out.

It has been 3-4 months since the break up now and she has made 3 attempts at reconnecting and suggesting that we regain what we had. The first two attempts I met up with her but decided to remain firm on my decision as hard as it was because I could see she was still mad at things we had fought over in the past. The most recent attempt was different however as she seemed at peace with the break up, in a much better place herself with work, finance, general well-being. She offered a full and complete responsibility for the break up, claiming she drove me away as she went 'loopy' because of the Implanon in her arm caused her hormones to go haywire. She actually had it removed sometime around the break up from memory. The break up hit me hard. I was a emotional mess initially and it felt like each time I'd begin to get over her she would contact me again turning me into a depressing mess again.

The latest meet up with her went differently. As I've not been able to get over her, and she was offering, basically pleading for a fresh start, it became very alluring and I simply couldn't deny her anymore. This is something I've never felt for anyone before, the anxiety of losing her forever is a fucked feeling and something i'm struggling with badly. I would honestly get back with her right now but there's just one kicker that's got me fucked. During the break up she admitted to sleeping with two other guys, 1 was a previous ex, and one was a stranger from a bar. She claims to have done this in an attempt to get over me, even going so far as to admit that as soon as the deed was done with the stranger she ran out crying, thinking of me. Myself on the other hand have not had any sexual relations since the break up. I'd certainly thought about it and for the same reasons as her. I've been out to town a few times and had some conversations with women, however I've not had a serious attempt at it because I'm still so caught up over this girl. I'll go so far as to say the thought of being intimate with anyone else is a turn off.

Anyway the fact that she's been with other bloke's is a pretty big turn off. As far as relationship rules go, she's broken none, was always faithful when she was with me and wants to be again. I'm not mad at her for doing that, I mean if I wasn't such a soft bastard I'd have literally done the same. In fact she assumed that I had and was surprised to hear otherwise. However there's just something that feels really off-putting about it. We've both had plenty of sexual partners before we knew each other, and this never bothered us, but there's something about others having been there in-between bouts of me, which is really making me feel sick. I don't know if it's something I can swallow now or down the track and so I'm paralyzed with indecision. I can't get over her, can't get her out of my head, and it's all a bit fucking impossible for me at this moment.

Don't be kind, rip this apart for the inherent beta qualities I exude. I need some sort of traction on reality please and thank you.

TL;DR- Should I consider getting back with my ex if she has had sex with others during the break?