After the most horrendous breakup I ever experienced I lay in tears for almost the entire week. I'm done with it. I never want to hit this place ever again. Point me in the right direction. I lost trust in my preferences about social interactions. Is it true I want to lose myself in a marriage? Or is there something I desire, that I can't see? I have to get in touch with my instincts. How do I do it? What are they? Is there something bigger, something that feels more genuine thanpleasing a woman's needs lying dormant and in chains? What does my heart desire, when I strip my mind away and use it for what it is - a tool to reach goals and not what's setting those? Is this sequence of monogamous shit shows, where I give away my freedom, actually a betrayal on my true self? It starts to feel like I forced mysef to stay passive throughout my life infear of succeeding.

Help me brethren. What are my truest desires, and where does my mind play tricks on me?