Single Dads and Dating

RedSkeller · 2016-08-05T13:59:47+00:00

First off sorry for your loss. Getting right to the meat of things, Bumble in my opinion is trash but others here have praised the 'high quality women' - whatever that means. Tinder is a meat market - not to mention it's all picture based. Good pictures gets you dates, and then hopefully dates get you lays. Most of the time you'll get matches from women who are a one or two SMV points lower than where you are (women are usually on Thursday - Sunday swiping desperately for next weekend's plans). You don't get matches immediately and things move at a snail's pace compared to day game or meeting up with friends. But tinder is passive, and yes it is alleged as a legitimate way to LTR now - even though I would disagree strongly. I'm sure that your daughter is awesome, understand though that this is considered 'baggage' in this unfortunate day in age with women who just want to own cats instead of being an actual parent. If you're going to go the online dating route, I think you should check out something more legitimate like Match.com. Introducing a paywall into things tends to weed out the flakes, Instagram whores, and the time wasters you would normally encounter. You're more than likely to find what a more serious relationship seeking person than wasting time and energy on Tinder - if I gathered what you were saying correctly. I'm happy you're letting yourself get out there and experience it all again, but I don't want you to have any sort of high expectations on these terrible dating apps. Best of luck brother.

ex_addict_bro · 2016-08-05T13:57:06+00:00

Lift, have a great life, day game, direct approach. Divorced, 3 sons, 99 problems but a bitch ain't one.

And stop looking for ltr, are you a pussy, do you tuck your dick with silver tape?

rot_barth · 2016-08-05T15:00:33+00:00

As a widow who has just re-entered the world of dating, you are at high risk to want to fall into another serious LTR immediately. The same thing happens to recently divorced guys. You miss the relationship aspects of your life, want to replicate them, and there you go. The problem is, that you are more likely to find someone that may not be good for you long-term, And you also have to think about the welfare of your daughter. What example is it going to be for her, to see multiple women in your life and hers in and out without constancy? Since you would like to avoid the teen pregnancy, I think you have your own answer.

If you are ready to date, date. Don't try to look for mommy, don't try to look for perfect partner, just date. Perhaps date some women that you would obviously not be in a long-term relationship with first to avoid the above problem. Someone in her 20s perhaps? Don't feel obligated to date single mothers or even women your own age.

For G-d's sake don't introduce any women to your daughter until you have been dating for at least six months to a year. Weed out the flakes.

Match.com is a good idea for meeting.. Tinder for plates. Coffee meets bagel if you're educated. Bumble if you're really hot, otherwise don"t bother.

Good luck.

from_the_ashes_me · 2016-08-05T23:16:06+00:00

Father of 2, not widowed, but divorced.
There's a lot of good advice here. I want to second that the absolute farthest thing from your mind should be a LTR right now. Widows and divorcees (I've had a lot of talks on this with my best friend who lost his wife to ALS 4 years ago and has 4 kids) have a huge void to fill, and their initial reaction is to go looking for some person that they can plug into their life to make things right again.

That's NOT how it works. You need to take the time to re-evaluate your new normal. The stakes are higher now. You're not the only one involved, and you have to be MORE selective, and more aware of red flags.

Date younger girls, date in your age range, date whoever. For now, throw the expectations out the window. Now is the time to get comfortable dating around a bit. There is a huge danger of latching on to the first person who you think might replace what you're missing... enough so that your brain will make excuses for little things that you'd consider a deal-breaker if you were more in an abundance mind frame.

Rebound relationships are a thing. So is settling because you are missing what you used to have and you are desperate to get back to the way things were.

You need to get to a point where both of those things aren't your focus. Date around for a bit, and after at least 6 months, make a list of the qualities you want in someone to be LTR material. Make a list of deal-breakers. Stick to it. The trick is, you have to do this when in a different mindset than you are now. Get some distance, get some dating experience, get some perspective.

Sorry for your loss and best of luck with your future. Keep improving. If you haven't read NMMNG, do it now, before you start your dating quest.

50pluspiller · 2016-08-06T01:06:52+00:00

Sorry for your loss. You have some good advice below, I would just add don't look for any long term relationships for at least 2 years from your wife's death. It takes that much time to get your head and emotions screwed back on right. Then when you date don't go exclusive for a year with the woman, you need that long to discover everything about her and if she is worth LTR.

You are thinking of recapturing the glory feelings of your relationship with your wife.

That means you are not ready.

Beachbum74 · 2016-08-05T14:49:43+00:00

My experience as a divorcee with kids on match.com was hit and miss. It seemed like the cuter girls would pass on me more and I felt it had something to do with the extra baggage that was perceived concerning my situation. Who knows. Ultimately I ended up having fun, juggled a little, and ending up getting married. I would lower your expectations of what you can get online. There are women out there but you probably won't get what you consider should be your market value. I only found TRP recently and well after I got married. I think some of the advice here about focusing on yourself and avoiding the online dating scene is pretty wise. Easier said than done but it can be a bit of a hamster wheel and there are a lot of loony broads out there...

fuzzyface1980 · 2016-08-05T20:13:26+00:00

Father of three, 2 sons and a girl. Mother in law has terminal cancer. Wife will someday die the same way. You are probably my future.

That said, listen to /u/ex_addict_bro. Many people only have to climb the mountains above sea level. Those of us with deeper grief and living nightmares see a little better in the dark.

Read his past postings. That's your midnight oil.

Title	Single Dads and Dating
Author	gabeeaster
Upvotes	2
Comments	32
Date	August 5, 2016 1:38 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/4wafcu/single_dads_and_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/single-dads-and-dating.109322 https://theredarchive.com/post/109322

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