I keep thinking about redpill. Constantly. Analyzing like crazy. I can't fucking study, I keep being overwhelmed by various realities that keep pinging on me. Fuck me. I can't stop being overly aware of how low SMV I am right now. I know what steps I need to take towards it, but my ambitious thoughts and internal discussion and curiosity keep distracting me from my studies.

I can't fucking study, I keep getting fucking B's on my tests. (not good for med school if I wanna take that route) everyday is difficult for me. I struggle with depression lowkey and trying to maintain frame is difficult. Pushing myself is exhausting socially already, and im struggling to stay awake sometimes, even though I'm getting enough sleep, I always want to sleep more than I should, I keep looking at girls and my sexuality is at its peak. i go to a top 10 college where everyone is fucking amazing at everything, i struggle to keep up. i keep wanting to escape reality sometimes, i need to drop my fucking porn addiction and video games, maybe i should stop reading trp this shit is making me obsessive at this fucking point man

this shit is fucking overwhelming. being a hardcase virgin ethnic short socially uncharismatic newbie is fucking killing me. i have gone to eat with girls one on one but I cant fucking discuss shit without being philosophical or talking about stupid shit like religion politcs rather than teasing or joking with girls and actually attracting them because thats all i used to discuss with my homies in high school, i only know how to talk to guys and not to girls anyway they seem to consider it a casual hangout rather than a date bc they end up having boyfriends

OK I SWEAR TO FUCKIng GOD IM GOING TO STUDY AND COMPLETELY FOCUS. OK.