Spot a BPD

jm51 · 2019-05-09T19:38:46+00:00

I am really not that good at screening for crazies

I've had relationships with lots of crazies and it is not the crazy that is the problem, it's the nasty. Learn to spot the nasty early on because plenty of 'normal' people can be nasty once they believe that they can get away with it.

Think of meeting someone new as a job interview and you are the employer. How will they treat subordinates? Do they value a strangers time? How well can they handle things not going their way?

It's your life and it is you that pays the price for lack of diligence. Do your homework.

[deleted] · 2019-05-09T14:28:29+00:00

Google the symptoms and see if she has any of them.

Herdsengineers · 2019-05-09T15:05:48+00:00

In mental health terms, BPD is driven by a lack of "object constancy". Object constancy is basically the ability to realize that someone is a stable, constant presence in your life whether physically present or not. It's developed from infancy. An example is a new born baby - care giver puts baby in crib and leaves. Baby cries, fearing care giver won't come back. Eventually care giver comes back and gets baby, baby learns care giver is still around even when not immediately physically present. Baby gets secure and stops crying when put down in crib.

BPD people never learned to get secure that they won't be abandoned when someone isn't physically present. They freak out, try to isolate and always keep you around just them, drive off others that would take your attention away - in short they try to control you to keep you present for just them because they can't make the mental leap that your still a constant in their life if you are not immediately present.

Lots of people have issues with this, men and women. Needy guys that text immediately when a girl texts back, or get all worried when she doesn't respond, it's all a form of object constancy issues, which is to say security issues.

BPD is basically the extreme end of the no sense of object constancy/security spectrum. They way to spot it is to watch for their actions for insecurity - are they love bombing, or trying to control, trying to keep you under their thumb, trying to keep you always orbiting around them, distract your attention from other things. Anything that keeps them from having to be apart and trust that you'll come back. With true BPD, it shows itself very quickly. Watch for signs of insecurity and neediness. Normal people, when they meet a new person, don't get needy quickly. They aren't invested enough in you yet, so if you stay in their life or not, it doesn't bother them.

BPD's will show neediness extremely quickly, usually in the form of love bombing or crazy porn star sex in the first hours of meeting them. It's intended to hook you. After that it switches quickly to insecurity, lots of texts, calls, showing up at your doorstep if you don't answer a call or call/text back in 10 minutes. They are terrified of feeling abandoned, so all the various over the top attention and then later horseshit they pull is about trying to control you and not let you abandon them. Keeping that motivation in mind is key to how to stop them.

Title	Spot a BPD
Author	tomb545
Upvotes	1
Comments	6
Date	May 9, 2019 2:17 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/bmkcx1/spot_a_bpd/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/spot-a-bpd.237745 https://theredarchive.com/post/237745

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