Im 20 years old. I was veeery beta-ish for like past 5 years since I started getting “active” with girls etc.
Found out TRP last year and realised how many mistakes I was doing and why it never worked.

I have a history of 2 relationships, only one serious, and the other one just somewhere between fwb & relationship.
Im now single for a year.
Both times, it was me who ended relationships. Why? Because only when I was in relationship, thats when I realised I could game so many other girls, and suddenly got some IOI’s from other girls. Dont know if its just placeboo but whatever.

WHEN I’M SINGLE

• I want girls/sex • i meet girl
• cant keep her just as “ons” or “fwb” (oneitis) • get exclusive with her

WHEN I GET IN A RELATIONSHIP
• everything fine for few weeks
• after few weeks I start to feel like im missing out on other girls
• other girls show interest
• i get bored of gf
• i dump gf
• i get single again with promise that I’ll bang other girls now
• and then back to ‘WHEN IM SINGLE”

I cant seem to find middleground. Its only when im in a relationship that I get huge drive for other girls and feel confident for fucking them.

I still havent fully swallowed the pill, it seems. I still dont have that mindset.

I trully believe thats because I didnt experience a lot in the past. While other guys were fucking girls through highschool, i was shy loser. Now I want to experience what I’ve missed out. And so I meet girl, then I get afraid of losing her, become needy and that usually fucks up attraction.

It’s fucking funny, because in my mind, I keep repeating TRP rules and advices, but practically, I dont do it like I should.

What the fuck do I do? Anyone ever was in my shoes?