~ archived since 2018 ~

Why is my game only good when on dates vs clubbing/other social settings

Gouden_Eeuw

September 3, 2018

3 upvotes

/r/askTRP

Hi all,

Lately I’ve started reading books on game, just finished bang by Roosh and made me realize something.

When I am on Tinder date. I always have a certain dynamic and there is a kind of automatic mode on which I act on the date. I sort of know my game plan and on my looking back on my good dates I knew what to ask, I knew when to tell a story, I knew when to go for kino and escalate etc.

However, at for example my sorority and clubbing I am a lot mere introverted and mostly talk to people I know. I would not just start flirting in the same way I would on Tinder. For some reason on Tinder dates I feel strong and had success, but in other situations very hesitant/more doubt and just not the same. Bad thing is that it’s the environment I am most often in. It’s even with things like just keeping up a conversation.

Is there a kind of reason behind this and did one of you had have same?

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Post Information

Title	Why is my game only good when on dates vs clubbing/other social settings
Author	Gouden_Eeuw
Upvotes	3
Comments	6
Date	September 3, 2018 4:08 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/9cib3n/why_is_my_game_only_good_when_on_dates_vs/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/why-is-my-game-only-good-when-on-dates-vs.131932 https://theredarchive.com/post/131932

Comments

[–]Red-Lantern2 points3 points4 points 7 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]Morphs_4 points5 points6 points 7 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]Gouden_Eeuw[S] 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

That must be it. The knowing that they like or IOI must be what drives me and gives me a head start. Without it I probably have just a unconscious blocking in my mind.

In book Bang a conversation basically should take to 20 minutes to escalate. With the guy doing most of the talking. For example there are some cute girls in my university class and in that situation not the same tricks can be applied. Today for example I opened during a break, with “liking it so far?” Then I get some small talk for maybe 5 minutes max until someone else enters the conversation or class continues. And during the conversation I am constantly thinking about running out of things to say. My style in dates is also me asking provoking flirty questions with sharp eye contact. Has been successful when I didn’t do most of the talking, but it seems that it can’t be applicable everywhere.

How would you for example handle this?

[–]Morphs_2 points3 points4 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

I don't think it's possible to approach every conversation as one you would have on a date.

So opening with general interest about university is fine. It's more friendly smalltalk, maybe you're able to find one or two subjects that contain common ground, later on you can expand on those. If the vibe is good to you try to poke for openings to meeting up outside of class, or maybe there's an upcoming party.

Since these interactions usually go a bit slower, it's perfectly fine to eject when you're about to run out of things to say. Just excuse yourself because you need to do something (toilet, whatever) and you can continue later on. Also prevents you from looking creepy.

It's a mistake to see every interaction as one where you must escalate and close asap. It only creates unnecessary stress. I've had that too back in the time, when I was reading too much PUA stuff for my own good. I thought I had to be "The PUA" all the time and score everywhere, to show the world that I was a PUA. But of course that only ended up choking me, doing nothing. So relax a bit and naturally progress through the conversations.

[–]Gouden_Eeuw[S] 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks a lot. For example today I met a girl at a my sorority. It isn't like the typical sorority and more just social events. For the rest of the year I will have to do run our own group with her with new members and her and me as introducers to the club.

I did quite some talking here and there, but eventually we were dissapointed in the new members because they are quite boring. I wanted to focus more on the her and I dynamic, but she still was very frustrated in the way the group is and I couldn't open her up after that. So after that I couldn't control the conversation like I am used to, which annoyed me. The people are a bit boring, but she said "Well we got each other and I am happy with you, so if it does not work out we will make the party instead". When talking this evening I sometimes put my hand on her back and she allows it. Not a IOI, but not a sign of I think you are a ugly creep either. Her eye-contact did not give away much, pretty standard.

This was just the second time I saw her. I will be seeing her like once a week in a social crowded setting. There at some times is some dancing and next week a mutual friend might organize an event where we get drinks at someones places and then go clubbing with some people. Do you think, small talk and strong eye contact, playing drinking games, going to a club, move close towards her while dancing, eventually grabbing her waist and dancing with her is a good one on that evening? Then going for the kiss?

[–]BeeBopJoe[🍰] 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link