Why is this continuously happening?

NeverPullSumo · 2018-06-21T22:18:03+00:00

Too much attention. It’s her job to set the next date.

mallardcove · 2018-06-21T22:51:38+00:00

Welcome to 2018. This shit happens. Get used to it. It's a buyers market these days and the women are the buyers. If you aren't selling what they want to buy this shit will happen. I call it window shopping. Girls pretend to have interest, but when the salesman actually tries to make a sale, they withdraw because "I'm just looking". Same dynamic here.

Cute girl with piercings and colored hair like I like, get her number.

Red flags. Learn them. Often I've seen that lower SMV guys go for trash like this because they think the more "out there" and "geeky" girls are in their league. Looking for their manic pixie dream girl.

wifeisbiorgay · 2018-06-22T00:28:14+00:00

It's the usual stuff man. She thinks your SMV is too low and that she can do better.

From your other posts, I know you're relying on dating apps to meet women and matching at a slow rate despite spending a lot of time swiping in a big city. Let me explain what's happening..

When you are very active on the app and message a lot of women, they show your profile a lot. Hence *some* matches. When we swipe, we usually instantly right-swipe the hotties and then also reluctantly right-swipe a few more marginal ones, because who knows right? We usually just don't message the marginal girls or just ask them to hook up straight away at 3am because we don't care if they ghost or unmatch. Girls like attention so they tend to lead on the marginal matches.

You are going after girls that see you as their marginal matches. The combination of your standards, SMV (as displayed in your profile) and the amount of time you are spending on the apps is putting you in this situation. Lower your standards and you'll get more enthusiastic matches. Spend less time on the apps and you won't match at all and won't get flaked on. Those aren't great solutions. The only real option is to improve your pics or try to meet girls in real life.

It's common for dating app questions to be answered with suggestions to get off the apps, but I won't go there. Apps are a useful tool that can be well worth cultivating and are the topic of this post, like it or not.

Don't believe these outcomes are inevitable on apps. They aren't. You have to be realistic about what you are getting with your current pics and use your time and effort accordingly. If I was only willing to date girls on Tinder that saw me as a marginal match, I'd be frustrated too. Sometimes I match 9s on Tinder and once in a while they even respond to my messages. When I'm lucky, I even get the pleasure of being flaked on by a Tinder 9. I still try, but I know what my 'league' is online and don't get invested in girls that I know can get much hotter guys than me on Tinder. That same girl might be more interested in me if we met in real life. Or less interested! I don't care!

Of the last four women I met through dating apps, three messaged me first. I slept with all four. When I think back to girls that flaked on me, or showed up late / left early / were unenthusiastic on the date / didn't want to hook up-- the red flags were always there from the very beginning. If they message me first-- 95% chance we'll have sex. If they answer my first message with a one word answer and don't ask me a question back-- low probability she'll ever meet up.

The story in your post is bleeding red flags. Do you think she is telling Chad about her slump? Hell no. She is giggly and happy all the way. She wants Chad to think she'll be a fun lay. Cancels? No credible excuse given? Doesn't immediately try to reschedule? Tells you she hasn't been doing shit after cancelling on you? Dude!

The last girl I met off a dating app messaged me first just to say I was hot. I told her I was already seeing a few people and not looking for another relationship, but that I was willing to hook up, no strings attached. She agreed. That was it. After we did it, she told me she'd come by whenever to do it. The last girl I was supposed to meet (met in real life, not online) flaked and I nexted without crying about it.

Look, I know this is maybe not so helpful because it's not obvious to you how to get to enthusiastic girls, IDGAF, and abundance mentality. I think you are letting your mental state fluctuate too much based on validation from women. That is a bad combo with your body image issues as there is a feedback loop there. Apps amplify that further. You are going on Reddit to talk this shit out. Talk to a professional therapist man. There's no shame in it. Focus on getting past your body image issues as that is screwing up your self-relationship. Once that's better, test the water with chicks again. You'll be amazed how much easier it gets when you stop trying so hard.

Title	Why is this continuously happening?
Author	Curiouscats86
Upvotes	1
Comments	9
Date	June 21, 2018 10:16 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/8sw38m/why_is_this_continuously_happening/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/why-is-this-continuously-happening.100674 https://theredarchive.com/post/100674

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