I find myself the "victim" of workplace bullying quite often. I am pretty much a joke at my current place of work. I do good work (better than most of the other employees), I work efficiently and diligently and can learn new things quickly and take criticism on the work I do. A lot of the guys I work with I feel don't share the same ideal of keeping the grounds we maintain beautiful and that's what bothers me most about their "jokes" and actions. I want to tell them to go fuck themselves because I really detest them and have no respect for them, but I feel I'll get in trouble or fired. One guy who was giving me problems really got under my skin and he was on heroin so I told him I'm not going to work with him while high and if he has a problem he can talk to HR..He never showed up again, but did blame his heroin addiction on me and my boss laughed in my face about it. I was distraught and that was really the start of the serious depression. That affected me deeply. Lost my brother last year to an overdose and the guilt is tremendous. A few of them I can get along with, and some I can get along with pretty much all the time, but some of the nastier ones really bring me down. Throw things at me. Constantly gossiping and being catty. Mocking me. Lying about me. Putting there hands on me or threatening me. It's been going on for a while at work and at the old place I lived with one of my roommates (who was on coke, adderal and or steroids the whole time). It's easy to chalk it up to jealousy and my boss said that was it (he could just be appeasing me though). All in all it really really affected my self-esteem and I've been in a deep depression and causing myself a lot of problems because of it. I'm struggling hard to get out. I went to therapy and they wanted to shovel drugs down my throat so I left. The therapist said I'd end up my like my brother who had recently passed If i left the sessions. None of my friends cared an ounce so I dropped them all. I need to figure out how to handle this stuff in the future. I feel trapped at my current job. I want to leave but my attitude, demeanor and self-confidence is the lowest its ever been and I don't feel anyone would hire me in my current state. I'm just embarrassed of myself and feel like I huge piece of shit. I feel its ingrained in my system to be a push-over and not know how to stick up for myself without getting angry and still being one of the "boys". I don't even respect the "boys" though if you don't take pride in the work you do. I need to learn how to handle all this better and move on from this bull shit. Any advice would help.