Warning: Long post. (Cross post from main sub, trying to get as much RP clarity as possible.)

Hi guys, I need to get some clarity on this situation, I can't square the circle on my ow this time. Thought I'd post on r-askTRP, but there is some valuable stuff for guys starting out as well. The background:

Her: Post wall, but barely touched it. Post mid-thirties as well. Great fake tits, in shape and pretty fucking gorgeous, 8.5. Emotionally broken. Not going into the details, but she is broken. Problem? It's the kind of fucking broken that vibes with me, big time. Yeah, personal oneitis red flag here... I know. Keep reading, that's key ingredient 1 for the perfect storm.

Me: Older than her, in shape. She thinks I'm early thirties, though, as I keep telling her that and I can pull it off easily. Not a clueless newbie, have other plates and no illusions when it comes to women. But I'm also only human: a certain type of broken does resonate with me, a lot.

 

The story. We met at work, not the same department, and the tension escalated immediately. She was conducting a review, I took the lead in our conversation and never dropped it. But she was taken, plus "don't shit where you eat", and I never did anything other than keep the tension up. About a year ago she got single, again. After some initial hesitance because we worked together, I asked her to hang out. Got rejected. Did not let it affect me one bit, and kept the tension up. Over the next 9 months I asked her out 4 or 5 times, and always got shot down. I still didn't let it bother me. After a while, I introduced the whole thing about how my ego is too big and I need deflating, so I'm asking her out again. And was also telling her she had bad excuses, she needed to step up her BS game. Plenty of laughter, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't start to think that I'm just her ego boost. There were also serious mixed signals, though. The conversations were very sexually charged, and once she touched my hands and commented on the energy she just felt, without me prompting. But then she shoots me down again. Not too bothered at this point, but it did end up making the second key ingredient of the perfect storm.

About a month ago, I find out she's no longer with the company and I text her to see what's going on:

She's happy to hear from me, and we agree to meet

She's there on time

We go out for some food, and she's completely following my lead. I spoon feed her, and she eats whatever I offer with no hesitance. Conversation is sexual again. After dinner I walk her to her building and start kissing. She's ecstatic. After we kiss some more, she keep blabbering and giggling like a little girl. Even comments on it herself:

"Why do I keep talking? This is so funny and embarrassing. Blah, blah, blah... giggle, giggle, giggle..."

Needless to say, I'm loving it. She's putty in my hand. We keep making out a bit more and after some more sexual talk and innuendo, I say let's go up. She replies:

"Oh no... my flat is a mess! Besides, I trust you, but I don't trust me!"

It's not the first time a woman doesn't want me to get in her flat because it's a mess, I've heard this before. An ex would clean everything spotless before I came over. A current FWB did it more then once, and when I finally did go over, it was all perfectly clean. When women are attracted to you, they will want you to see only the best of them, to give you the appearance of unicorn. A perfectly clean flat, great make up, follow your lead.

I'll admit I didn't respond too well, can deal with LMR/ASD but this one left me somewhat disarmed. Any suggestions? Did not insist, got laid the day before and given the full dynamics, I was confident I'd seal the deal at some later point.

Before going up, she tells me she's got tickets for a concert in two days and that her friends are bailing on her. I tell her to check with her friends, and if no one is going, I might go.

Of course she wants to go with me.

At the concert, I up my dick/asshole level. Not intentionally, and when I realize I'm actually pushing her away, I tone it down. After a bit, the tingles are loud again. We leave and go to a park, where we start kissing. I undo her bra and she fakes going mad. I don't budge and she's giggling some more. More kissing and groping, until I challenge her to flash me right there in the park. Some fake complains, and she does. Then she complains I have to show her my goods, and I invite her to grope me. Not sure how she should go about it, I unzip and pull her close to kiss her, just slightly on the side so her hand naturally ends up in my crotch area. She happily checks the goods, I'm hard. Not long after we get kicked out of the park, it's getting late.

Into a taxi together, first to my place and then at hers. I was getting tired and work was intense the next day, wanted to sleep. Plus it's now been three days since I got laid, so it's not really a big deal. We kiss goodbye.

She's off for the weekend and is back in town on Tuesday. At this point it's been about 9 days without getting laid. This is the third, and last, key ingredient of the perfect storm. (Did not call my FWB as i wanted to fuck her silly and unload it all over her, but I'm starting to get aggressive because of it. Also, I don't fap... the tension is high.)

Happy to restrain myself, on Tuesday afternoon I ask her out

My sexual energy is growing by the hour, and I'm not getting any replies. I know I must wait, not follow up and chase her, I'm having a hard time talking myself out of it. This is normally just what I do, or better, I don't do - Chase women like a thirsty beta! But with her all the elements in place for the perfect storm - The perfect broken, her constant rejections that made me just want to revenge fuck her badly, and not getting laid for 10 days at this point - and after a morning of fighting my desire to text her

I caved

Yes, a fucking beta... go ahead, insult me as much as you want, I deserve it. (Not for the link, we've always had this whole thing where I was the man and she was protesting against the patriarchy and what not. I've previously texted her similar shit and it was always as a provocation.)

For a bit I allow myself to believe I didn't really fuck up all that much.

That same night I meet my FWB and get finally laid. God damn, when your sexual frustration is pent up, you can hardly think! It's all so much clearer after you get laid!

The next day, she finally responds again and...

Who am I kidding? Yes, you guessed it, of course she rejects me again.

Sounds legit? It's not... note how she didn't propose to reschedule.

At this point, I'm a bit pissed, and also cannot be bothered too much. I got laid the day before, largely back to my old self.

And this is where it basically ends. I don't talk to her until Wed, two days ago, and i ask her if she want to join me for some friends' birthday celebration drinks, and suggest she should. Got no reply, and before I text anything else, I wanted to ask people what their thoughts were. Especially from the seasoned veterans.

 

I'm attracted to this girl like a moth to flame, which is why I realize it's probably better to just let go, it would end up in flames. Letting go would also not be something I'd cry over. But precisely because I'm attracted to her this much, I'm also interested in hearing about ideas on how to recover this. Please don't tell me "Oneitis, next!", I've got a FWB and plates. This is just my personal perfect storm, my personal fire that I want to play with.

As for the lessons learned, if you can't see red pill truths all over, you should spend more time reading the sidebar.