~ archived since 2018 ~

Honestly lost... could use some advice

February 1, 2022

I've been with the first girl I've ever had sex with for about 2 months now, fucking on and off and I may have introduced some potential boyfriend behaviors; holding hands, staying the night, going on dates.

I only realized after I did these things that this may lead the girl to believe that I want to be in an LTR when in reality I was only doing these things because I liked them.

Another thing I realized is that I am severely attached to this girl. She took my virginity and does a lot for me. Treats me, does whatever the fuck I want in bed, and has been well behaved for the last 2 months.

I ignored her for a week because I was butthurt at a comment she made but she doesn't know this. I have never let her know if I was upset or sad/whatever and the interest is clearly fading.

I am now starting to realize that I don't love myself. The thought of not being with this girl is killing me. I have clearly attached myself to her and want to do everything in my power to keep whatever the fuck this is going. She has never mentioned "the talk" yet but I honestly have no fucking idea what to do at this point.

Additionally, I recognize that the sidebar says to find and talk to other girls and the problem will go away. I feel as if I need to learn how to love myself, and I don't know if it's my bluepill self or what but I feel bad for what I have done to this girl. I haven't been completely congruent with myself and my actions and have played petty games with her. She has taken them in stride but I feel bad in pursuing other girls even though that I know that she could drop me in half a second and never think about me again.

Any and all advice is appreciated.

TheRedArchive is an archive of Red Pill content, including various subreddits and blogs. This post has been archived from the subreddit /r/newTRP.

/r/newTRP archive

Download the post

Want to save the post for offline use on your device? Choose one of the download options below:

Post Information
Title Honestly lost... could use some advice
Author St31nway
Upvotes 3
Comments 11
Date February 1, 2022 1:24 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/newTRP
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/newTRP/honestly-lost-could-use-some-advice.1098589
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/newTRP/comments/shi71p/honestly_lost_could_use_some_advice/

[–]curvedbymykind 4 points5 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

what comments did she make that made you butthurt

[–]Heeey_Reyrey 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

This. OP you need to grow up and control your emotions. Otherwise, emotions will play a big role in your decision makings that will eventually fuck you up. This is an internal struggle for you to work on. Scan the sidebar, and get what you feel helps you. There are no shorcuts to these processes. Either you will outgrow your former self or stuck on that faith.

[–]St31nway[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

How do I control my emotions?

[–]Heeey_Reyrey 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

For now you can't. But props to you on recognizing it. It will be a painful journey to start. Let your emotions be felt because they were legit. But how you do it is up to you as it comes from different flavors to people. What I do is sucked it up. 2-3 days of refocusing on my goals then the emotions are gone. But I do not recommend it because its gay if never did the prerequisites to understand things in life before I am able to do it. So you keep reading until you get something that works for you in the long-run.

[–]St31nway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks man. I think I might’ve figured it out. I’ve been beating myself up making mistakes, breaking frame, and even complimenting this girl accidentally, but now that I’ve read some more of the sidebar I’ve internalized the concepts.

Instead of being angry at the girl/myself I’m trying to frame it as I’m learning how to build my frame and stop being a pussy. I should honestly thank the girl for redpilling me a little bit. Obviously have a lot to learn but I’m thankful for the mistakes I have made. Won’t happen again.

[–]St31nway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Said I was replaceable. I know. weak frame.

[–]TangoHack 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I've been in several LTRs, on and off. Some of them for months, other lasted several years. And then back to being a bachelor again, chasing pussy and following Red Pill advice. I am 40+ years old. My advice to you is: relax. Enjoy the relationship while it lasts. Don't anticipate the break up so much. It will happen when it happens. In the meantime, enjoy the ride. Let yourself "catch some feelings" for her. That's Ok. You are not a robot.

But, always be prepared to be a bachelor again. Because it *will* eventually happen. And being prepared means: always maintain your physical fitness (Go to gym, lift, go for regular walks... you don't need to look like a male model. Just look healthy and don't get obese). Dress with nice, new clothes. Keep your male friends, even if you get into a LTR. You will need those male friends later, when you are single again. They will help you to avoid post-break up depression. Keep your financials in order: have a job, stay out of debts, live frugally. Invest your savings.

If you do this, you can enjoy the LTRs while they last. And have the confidence that when you are single again, girls will come to you, without too much effort on your side. You will still have to chase them a little bit, but just by following those basic habits I mentioned above, you will be in the top 20% or 30% of men's SMV.

When you are alone, you can go monk-mode. Learn new things, read books. Plenty of books. Avoid too much exposure to social media. Learn. Educate yourself. Try no-fap. Until a new girl appears in your life.

This may be your first LTR experience. Relax, and enjoy it while it lasts. It's Ok. You will survive, and new pussy will come afterwards. Good luck!

[–]St31nway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This helps man, thank you.

[–]IntelligenceLtd 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

it would be very easy to take the piss but tbh I came to the red pill after my first serious relationship ended horrifically (as in living, travelling together etc) my n count was high double figures and bar understanding how to lay pipe and inadvertandly social circle game i was pretty much as BP as you are now what id say bro is I dont know how you discoverd this sub considering how BP you are but props to recognising what pitfills might happen to you before they happen. Theres no two ways about it rn you are BP as they come but youve got remarkable insight into it and what you say about lack of self love is very common.

rather than bang on ill give you is quick bullet points of advice

  • you can be totally honest and upfront from day one and you will never have to feel bad about seeing other girls
  • it is biology nothing more these dating stratagies are just ways to maximise outcomes for propogation and survival not anything actuallu critival to hapiness
  • I would say in your case for the sake of finding out what you like and getting some more experience fuck around
  • eventually though youll realise quality trumps quantity and long term plates, gfs, meage a trois etc is a much better way of working out how to be better in bed and how to navigate the hardest parts of RP and your psyche how you feel etc
  • because quality, compatibility and mutal atrraction are harder to find get used to being alone and loving yourself
  • READ THE SIDEBAR not just skim it it, go back to it. It will probably seem alien to you at but as you start dating youll see you might have intuitivly known it all along and if not then youll start to see the patterns
  • as far as this girl goes idk id say take a break give an excuse like youre feeling sad (which you are) focus on other things to give yourself the power back, like someone quitting smoking. If you think you can handle it go for it, its clearly young love and sometimes its better to make those dumb mistakes and be heartbroken

[–]pumpthehoedumpthehoe 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I’m in a similar situation. My current LTR didn’t take my virginity (I was spinning plates before I met her) but I have severe oneitis for her. It’s a con of being with a girl you perceive to be a 10. We’ve been together for just under a year.

All I can say is you have keep an eye on the door my friend. It sounds like you’re in the honeymoon phase - may even be some love bombing going on. My girl literally used to wake me up to blowjobs and make me breakfast in bed. I don’t say this to sound pessimistic but it will not be like this forever. You must be ready to leave. I know how hard that sounds - please believe I do because I’m going through the same shit. But the mindset you have is going to expedite the inevitable. Your putting her on a pedestal.

You don’t think you can do better. That’s not true though. You were able to fuck this girl, and you can do it again with an even hotter chick. Once you grasp that, you’re golden.

[–]St31nway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks for the response man and you are right on. I am pedestalizing her. She should be pedestalizing me.

She offers pussy while I offer much much more. I am content with her leaving my life now. If anything it will be a relief so I can go full monk mode.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2023. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter