I feel like I have completely fallen off the rails. To be clear, I’m not here to discuss women at all. That’s not a problem I have. Instead, I come here asking for advice on how to be the best version, or at least a better version, of myself.

Over the past two years I’ve created and grown a YouTube channel, I won’t share what it is, but it’s been making me good money. Roughly $2k per upload. However, since I have no boss, clear direction, or self-discipline, my mental health has taken a dive recently. I smoke weed everyday. I used to take edibles a lot until I took too much and vomited all over a parking lot. I get bad munchies and often eat 4000 calories throughout a day when stoned, so I’ve gained weight. I’m 6’2” 195lbs of fat. It may not sound bad, since I’m not fat in appearance, but it’s not muscle, that’s for sure. I’ve tried quitting weed many times but always come back to it. Perhaps I should throw all my weed away? I’ve tried weaning off before and end up just going crazy until I’m out, only to then have withdrawals and buy more. It seems like time passing causes my motivation for quitting to disappear. Because I spend most days getting high, I barely work on my YouTube channel. I upload once a month even though I could upload 2-3x a week if I simply tried. For some reason, I lack motivation and discipline.

I don’t go to the gym, in fact, I don’t do anything. I don’t know what to do. I have an LTR, she’s great, but when I’m alone (we don’t live together, I live alone in a one bedroom apartment while she lives with her parents still, we are both 23). TV shows and movies bore me now. I can’t sit still and read a book. Video games are too tedious to be fun. There’s nothing to do where I live outdoors. I just feel depressed. Perhaps it’s the weed. Perhaps it’s the fact that I’m wasting away my YouTube channel’s potential. But there’s no joy in life, and I have no direction in my life. I have no true father figure or role model. I have no one in my life I truly respect. Everyone I have ever met seems more flawed than me. Even by coasting along with my channel, I still make more money than anyone I know.

I guess I need guidance, so I’ve come here. Right now, my life feels like it’s at rock bottom. I used to think life sucked as a helpless teenager trapped in school with girl problems. Now I feel like there was never a point to any of life