Reason 1: You Haven’t Convinced Her That You’re Worth Her Time (or Worth Her Time Sexually)

Sometimes its easy to forget that girls get a lot of attention. Especially pretty girls. She might be the only girl you approached or texted today, and because of that it’s easy to have the mistaken belief that you’re the only guy who approached or texted her.

The reality is that the girl you’re talking to is getting a lot of attention from other guys. As you can imagine, the more attention she is getting, the less important any particular guy becomes. Said differently, the more important it is for any particular guy to stand out and convince her that he’s worth her time.

Now be careful not to interpret “convincing her that you’re worth her time” for “you should chase her.” That’s not what I said. You should not chase women. However you should stand out. A standing out can be simple. Ironically, it usually takes less work and time than screwing things up and getting ignored (or worse, friend zoned).

Standing Out In Text

The first thing to remember about text is that the ultimate purpose of texting is to set up a date. To set up the “in-person.” So the time to stand out is right at the beginning of the text conversation.

Fix 1: Stand Out Opener - Say Something Random: This would be something random enough to be intriguing. Being random means the message should be some combination of “bold” and/or “unexpected.” It should be something that when she reads it, she doesn’t instantly just swipe it away. It makes her pause and think. Being intriguing means there is something vague about the message. It leaves something open-ended and sparks a curiosity to know more.

Use this in place of “hi” “hello” and “what’s up.” These are boring openers. She got 10+ openers like that already today. Nothing about that stands out. The “random” opener has the added benefit of making you look confident enough to say whatever you want. You’re not trying too hard. That’s refreshing.

Fix 2: Say Something Intelligent (with proper spelling): Early in the conversation, send her a message that’s worth reading. When I text women like this I often gotten a response that starts with “wow!” and then goes on to say how interesting or engaging the message was. The truth is, it probably wasn’t that engaging. It was just more interesting and unusual than all the boring shit that guys tend to text.

A message like this could happen for lots of simple situations. For example, if she asks: “what do you do for work?” Instead of giving a two word answer, give her something interesting to read which shows you’re intelligent. Put some excitement into it. Show her some passion. Don’t worry if it’s a long message. That’s the point.

Very Important: You send a message like this only ONCE to any particular woman. One and done. Intrigue her once. Then revert to short messages and quickly close for the in-person. After that, text is strictly for logistics and everything else is done in person. Doing this only once is critical. If you do it too much, you end up facing the problem in Fix 3 below.

Fix 3: Arrange the In-Person & Stop Talking: This is the flip-side of the coin. This is where you’ve done a great job opening and intriguing her, but then you screw it up by talking too much. This is where she decides you’re not worth her time sexually.

If you text a girl too much; if you use text to chit-chat; she will start looking at you like a “friend.” Because that’s what friends do, they chit-chat over text. In addition, by texting too much, you’re often revealing too much information about yourself, thus destroying your mysteriousness.

Seriously, while you’re blathering on and on in text, her mind starts wandering to the other guy who’s not texting her at all. Why? Because there’s some mystery there to wonder about. You’re mystery is quickly disappearing.

Summary:

Use this basic texting formula:

- Stand-out opener

- Light conversation (5 messages max, ideally less)

- A message worth reading

- Light conversation (a few minutes max)

- Close for the in-person

Reason 2 Why She Doesn’t Respond To Your Message: You Made Her Uncomfortable

Mistake #1: Messaging About Her Appearance

Messaging about her appearance has two problems. First, a lot of guys do it, so it becomes boring. Second, it gives the initial impression that you’re only interested in her looks.

Fix 4: A better message is to comment on anything else you know about her which doesn’t have to do with her appearance. If you want to tell her she looks good, wait till you meet in person.

Mistake #2: Being “Too Familiar”

Does this sound like something you’ve dealt with: “we follow each other on Instagram, and she likes all of my posts, but when I see her in person….”? If that sounds familiar, then here’s what you need to know. Social media makes it very easy to feel like we “know” somebody. It can make you feel like you’re part of someone’s life, even when they don’t know you at all. This can lead to you talking to her about stuff (or in a way) that makes her uncomfortable. Like you’re intruding on her space and she's not sure why.

Fix 5: Use this general rule. If she didn’t tell you about something in person, then you don’t know it. You can use social media to get some insights into a girl, but ideally don’t spend too much time “following” chicks that you barely know. That’s a very one-sided relationship you’re developing with her social profile and it isn’t helpful to you when it comes to communicating with her in real life.

If you're still having problems being ignored on text, it is often because she doesn't see you as a sexual partner. Maybe you've been too "friendly" for too long. Maybe you haven't started incorporating sex into the conversation. If you think either of these are the case, make sure to check out How To Talk About Sex With Women and the Sexual Frame.