So, there’s something I’ve used for years now (On casual dates as a student and beyond etc.) and have continued using, about conduct while on a date.

The tip is this: keep the focus on the other person. Sounds extremely obvious, but so many don’t do it. People love to talk about themselves, that isn’t a secret to anyone and NO-ONE has ever come home from a date complaining that ALL they did was talk about themselves.

Encouraging someone to talk more about themselves makes them more comfortable around you, and as they talk more, they open up. People are flattered when you show a genuine interest in them, and you do that through the conversation.

That sounds great, but the conversation can sometimes seem awkward, and awkward silences are definitely not what you want on a date. So this is what I do to keep the conversation flowing and on the other person:

The 5 W’s. The who, what, where, when, why of quite literally any topic.

Their favourite series: What’s it’s about? Where’s it set? When does it show on TV? Why do you like it so much? Who stars in it?

Firing off those W questions can sound odd, so phrasing them differently is something you’ll need to figure out for yourself. E.g instead of “Where’s it set?” say “I’m guessing from the name it’s set in a...?” Sometimes you’ll need to phrase the question differently, but it should still covers one of the W’s. E.g:

Their work: What do you do there? Where’s your workplace? Have you been working there long? (When) Why did you choose to work there? Do you get along with your boss and co-workers (Who)

While these are great for starters, don’t stick to them religiously. If the other person goes off on a tangent, FOLLOW that tangent, and ask questions about whatever the new topic is. It’s important not to make it sound like an interview, so try to throw in some comments or compliments after they’ve given an answer. Eg

“I’ve worked there for 8 years now” “That’s impressive wow, what made you stick with it for so long”

Finally, I’m not say to just NOT answer any questions they have for you. Do, but don’t make the focus entirely on you for too long, carry it back to the other person. And of course, Through all of this, keep to the standard conversation rules. Don’t interrupt, don’t go on your phone, don’t get distracted. It can be tempting to bring the conversation back to you if they talk about something you’ve had experience with yourself or can otherwise related to (e.g “oh, I know what you mean, this one time...”) but it’s important not to interrupt their narrative.

Well that’s it, hopefully you all found this useful, or interesting at the very least! I know some may disagree with it, that’s only natural, but this is just what I’ve learned and used, and it’s worked fairly well for me. If anyone has any other ideas, or things to add, it’s always interesting to hear about them.