Hi Seddit, long-time lurker here. I have been following the community for several years and have dabbled in pickup with moderate success. I am by no means a professional but I feel that I am in a comfortable place to share some of the insights.

I have seen a lot of great insights on Seddit but I also see a lot of shitty advice as well. Mostly, I see a lot of mis-information and a lot of fake promises (I supposed this is the nature of pickup now that it has become a mass market product.) What I want to do is really step back and provide a framework to what seduction and self-help is, what it can do and list some of the dangers associated with self-help. This is meant as a guide for beginners that who wants to use Seddit to improve their life.

Firstly, I really want to thank Seduction and self-help for kick starting my journey. It has helped me so many ways and help me get into so many good things like meditation, philosophy, psychology, sexuality etc. I wish everyone good luck on theirs. Everyone is a hero and all heroes need a journey.

In my concepts below, I am going to group seduction together with self-help for simplicity sake

Seduction/self-help is a school of thought: Seduction not a way of living. It is a structure for providing insights towards a goal by identifying problems. Through seduction we seek insights into finding a deeper and more meaningful relationship with ourselves and other. IT IS NOT AN IDENTITY, you are not seduction and you are not self-help books. Your life will encompass so many positive things and possibilities. Seduction is merely the kick in the ass to get you started in the direction you want, and the guide in the jungle that leads you towards where you want to go. (FOR THE MISGUIDED: SEDUCTION IS NOT ABOUT SLEEPING WITH X WOMEN TO SOLVE YOUR PROBLEM. You cannot pick up a girl who have absolutely no interested in you, seduction helps influence your chances with those who will. But if you are just here to get laid, that’s cool too.)

There are deep rooted reasons for your actions: Be it to become a better speaker, or to sleep with x women, be it that you want to appear more confident. These are means to an end, and they did emerge something. For me, self-help and seduction meant a way for me to better control my “mind” and “brand”. I felt like an actor in this world, and I wanted complete control over everything (goal) because I was felt anxious and helpless in many facets of my life (reason). More specifically, they were rooted in family problems, concerns about my future and expectations. Power and love is a game that everyone plays, and I saw it self-help as a guide in the game and towards more control. These issues are better left with and counselors to deal with IMO. Much of the inner game is dealing with these problems. Remember that 1) The girls you attract is a reflection of who you are (loosely quoting Models here) and 2) Seduction/self-help is just about letting go as acquiring new knowledge, if not more.

Where the starting line is: Most, if not all of us are entering self-help because we want to fix a problem. Hence it is with a very negative mindset that we enter. It does not mean there have to be a negative mind set when we exit. I find that I was chasing the idea of perfection (self-help presents a lot of these), and I was constantly unhappy, but still struggled to push myself forward until I was burned out time and time. The correct mind set to work towards: you are already good enough, you are challenging yourself to be better. Be better than who you were last week.

Think of your ideals/Have Goals: Goal setting is so important. Chasing perfection has no end. In the words of David Foster Wallace, chase money and you will never have enough, chase beauty and you will die a thousand ugly death before you truly lived. Know where you want to go, know what your cut off is, when you get there let go of self-help and go back to living your live.

Now for dangers

Identifying with self-help (Suffering is interchangeable with sacrifices here): Once you practiced self-help long enough there may come a point when you think “I want to be happier, but I only know how to do x y or z.” In other words, I was constantly making myself suffer; I identified suffering as a constant in my life. It was a way to prove my abilities. How? I was constantly trying pushing myself further and further; Go out more, Lift more weights, Read more books all the time, non stop. I was or am still literally addicted to self-help. I have no free time; it was all taken up by reading, writing, going out, fitness, etc. The star that burns brightly burns quickly. Imagine that you are this lost person in a jungle trying to find your way out, eventually you may forget that you are trying to leave the jungle and you find comfort just being there. This is why having a goal is so important to help drive you towards the end. BREATH!

The Self Help Trap/Insight porn: http://xkcd.com/1027/ I think this comic strip summarizes it perfectly. At some point, self-help material may become insight porn, and reading more and more becomes mental masturbation. You are using it an escape for boredom, a relief from your fears. This is why sedditors push people to go out and practice rather than to read.

Apathy: Apathy is useful, and part of your development to not care as much for useless things. However, It may come to a point where you stop caring about other people, and/or become increasingly angry. I found this case in me, where I was constantly picking apart the negativities in other people the same way that I was picking them in myself. I also became an angry individual. I was angry at my family for the past, at my friends for their ignorance, and at feminism for causing so many problems. Where this comes from is simple, we all want to be understood. We also want other people to suffer because it is easier for them to connect and understand us. When we see people who are not suffering when we are, we have a natural tendency to become angry. Think the rich vs. the poor. HOW DARE YOU TO TELL ME TO EAT CAKE WHEN I HAVE NO FOOD.

With apathy, we lose the ability to forgive. Forgiveness for your parents, for your friends and most importantly for yourself. This is another reason why we push our self so hard, because we cannot bear our present self.

With anger I stopped caring and I stopped wanting to do nice things for others.

If it ever comes to that point, please read: Forgiveness Meditation

I would like argue that we cannot learn to love others if we cannot love our selves, and we cannot love without forgiveness.

The key take away is that 1) Love and forgiveness comes from within, we all have it. 2) The more we have the more we can give, develop love and forgiveness with in so it can be shared. Give yourself an imaginary virtual hug. Then give a virtue hug to others. You are angry because you understand where they are, you feel sad that they have not taken the next step. Sympathize with them and understand them. Everyone is trying their best and everyone is doing something for love.

(IMPORTANT NOTE: WHAT I AM NOT SAYING IS GO TO YOUR FRIENDS AND TEACH THEM SELF HELP AND PICKUP. YOU CANNOT HELP THOSE WHO DO NOT WANT TO BE HELPED. THE BEST ADVICE IS “DO NO OFFER UNSOLICITED ADVICE”)

Ego/Depersonalization: EGO will come up frequently in self help. Ego is who we are, what we want, what we like, what society has told us. If you constantly stepping back and examining your actions, forcing yourself to change your taste and structure, it is easy to lose a sense of who you are along the way. There is a quote in Buddhism that it is all fun and games until someone loses an “I.” You will have egos, you will have wants, just be constructive. This is where knowing what you want ultimately will come in, know who you are and what you stand for.

TL:DR what Seduction and self-help is, what it can do for you, and some dangers of the field. GO OUT AND PRACTICE

If there are interest, I would write up more about suffering and dealing with anxiety.