Hi all,
I am aware of PUA techniques from The Game but never really used them as I am only really looking for marriage so I don't have an interest in testing different types of women but I think I need to ask you guys for guidance to help understand what I may be experiencing.
I am having a difficult time with a specific girl. The problem is that it feels like she is in control and this makes me feel like the chump. I don't think I am actually that interested in her but it may be that these tactics she is using is the reason I am feeling occupied and engaged. I feel like I always need to be in control otherwise I am at the mercy of the other party. Then I start acting differently and start confirming to their game - which I am not happy with and it makes me uncomfortable as I start dwelling on it a lot
Backstory
I randomly got speaking to this girl (Her name is Tiffany) through work. We have never had a reason to work together but we have ended up interacting and spending time through her sister Beth who also works at this office and I know her a little bit so naturally I got to know Tiffany. Tiffany is in a long term relationship. I am single.
Before I even really knew her she would come out her way to say hello. She spoke to me with a lot of confidence and good manners. She used to compliment my clothes as well, but thats calmed down now. Perhaps because I don't return the compliments lol
I find her good looking. She knows that. She knows I WOULD have dated her if it was 10 years ago because I told her sister that (but knows I wouldn't now because I require a girl of a certain criteria - which she doesn't meet). I don't know if she finds me good looking or not. What I do know is that both sisters know I have confidence and good banter as they have said it to me. They have said to me openly as well that having banter makes people very attractive (this was not in the same conversation as when they said I have good banter)
People around the office refer to her as my girlfriend. Her sister knows this and has undoubtedly told her this. When I said it is silly and inappropriate that people say this, the sister said to just man up and own it and not care about her being labelled as my girlfriend, which is surprising as I thought she would not condone it as Tiffany is in a relationship. When I am with other female colleagues I have started to notice her sister dropping Tiffany's name into the conversation and trying to establish in front of my other female colleagues that me and Tiffany are familiar with each other
My closer male colleagues say she is quite cozy with me. Other people have noticed me and her spend time together and make jokes like "Are you actually having a work meeting or just chatting again?" When we actually do have meetings together (they are usually 1 to 1 in a private room OR in a quiet part of the office) we always end up getting sidetracked and go off on a tangent talking about life and other casual topics. A senior colleague rang me and told me he can tell she is distracting me and that she is also showing interest in me. Said it could be she is having relationship troubles and may be looking for solace elsewhere.
As mentioned she is in a relationship. I am single. So I am not sure what is going on and I think that bothers me. Is she just a flirt? Is she interested? Am I just a comfortable person to speak to? These questions are bothering me and keeping her on my mind. It's quite frustrating because I am not sure why I am into her as much as my mind thinks. She is good looking but not a stunner. A lot of people find her attractive so I am not sure if that is what makes me think she is more attractive than she appears. She is quite flirty. Has good energy and is quite bubbly.
I will list below the For and against of why she may or may not like me:
For
- She asked me for my phone number (so she could send me a video of something non sexual or suggestive)
- Until she gave me her phone number we used to email each other casually quite often (we then switched to text but the frequency of messaging then dropped)
- She got jealous when I ignored her once when I was with another girl. She ignored me back at the next opportunity and then said to me I always ignore her when I am with this other girl
- She is normally quite reserved about sharing her personal life details but has started telling me openly about her life. She broke down once and cried - but it was an emotional topic so I think she could have done that to anyone who prompted the conversation
- Showed me a picture of herself but before showing said its a pic showing cleavage - I still agreed to see it
- Has said before we would make a terrible couple (due to a quality we share) the point here is she has mentioned us together - although hypothetically
- She has asked me on occasions to spend time together (its always us alone) e.g. lunch or have a meeting where we just catch up
- She doesn't react negatively to being touched (touched her on shoulder and arm a few times)
- I have seen her inspecting me physically when we have been in our meetings
- She often comes to me to ask about work and who is the right person to speak to. It always turns out to be me who she needs to speak to
- I told her about a girl I find really attractive and she didn't seem approving and a bit envious. She then referenced her a few times during our conversations
Against
- On text is forgetful and doesn't always reply (even though I can see she has read the message)
- Has a partner at home
- Is used to being flirted with and getting attention (meaning I am probably just another guy to have a flirt with)
- Doesn't do kino (but says she is a very touchy feely person - however I have reinforced I am not a touchy feely person and always keep distance so it could be she is intimidated by me in that sense as I do come across as a strong Alpha)
- Body language - I am not too sure about this. She keeps arms folded sometimes. Doesn't always lean in. Most time feet towards me and can lean in, which is conflicting to me as this is showing interest.
There is probably more for the against but I cannot think of anymore right now. I am open to being asked questions to which I can respond to help identify.
Some of the things I am not sure about what they mean:
- She tells me openly who she finds attractive (and they all appear to be people of same ethnicity to me) Is this a tactic where she's telling me she likes my type? Is it a jealousy tactic? Or is it to tell me she is interested in other people and not me
- If I decide not to talk to her she also goes quiet. I have gone a few days without talking to her and she did not initiate it either. But sometimes she will randomly text me to ask how I am or what I am up to if I don't talk. So it seems very inconsistent
- Is complimentary towards my character values
- I have seen pictures of her up to 10 years ago and she was a real party girl. Out with guys, really revealing clothing, overly drunk etc. She has also told me about her experiences with guys and its quite loose e.g. she has slept in the same bed as male friend (but said nothing happened) which makes me think this girl is quite loose (possibly when intoxicated) and just open to being close with males without romantic intention (or is fine with having romantic tension) There is a chance these silly stories are made up to play games but I have no way of verifying.
Summary
So to conclude I am just confused by what is going on. I speak confidently or comfortably with much more appealing and attractive girls but this particular one is occupying my mind. Nothing can or will ever happen but thats the case with a lot of other girls and has never bothered me.
Am I just being manipulated and falling into her game? Perhaps there is something I am not picking up on that you may be able to highlight to me.
Is this just a comfortable friendship to her but I am reading too much into it because other people are suggesting it?
Is she a female PUA and just having a laugh with me?
Any help is greatly appreciated and I am happy to provide any more details where possible
Thanks
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