Hi!

Im in a pretty peculiar situation. My FWB (an old friend and now housemate) is messing with my head, and how. some facts:

  1. when we hooked up for the first time, i was in a relationship. he initiated the drunken making out, and we had a chat later where he made it pretty explicit that he didnt want to date or have sex with me.

  2. we made out a couple of times after, but since i continued to be with my then boyfriend, there was no escalation. i did make it clear then that i didnt want us hooking up to be a thing. i was also taken aback by my own infidelity, and eventually broke things off with my ex.

  3. FWB and I have a strong bond and plenty of chemistry - we're old friends, and before we hooked up, i felt comfortable relying on him as a solid, trustworthy friend.

  4. Post my ex and i breaking up, my FWB and i have been hooking up a lot! we never "plan" to make out in advance, but usually have a night of drinking with friends/at home before we go into either one of our rooms and make out. its not a "lets fuck" calendared situation. The making out is pretty terrific!

  5. lately when we've made out, he's said the following, which has left me feeling pretty confused and vulnerable:

a) "I want to kiss you in public" b) "I think you like me" c) "Do you want to be my girlfriend or something" d) we've never actually had sex but have come close to it several times. he's always making some sort of excuse to not do it. this one time when he tried to, he said to me "are you sure, because there is no going back from here" :s

he also compliments me a bunch/is very tender and loving in bed. i adore him and would totally consider dating him. except im super super contained and not demostrative of my feelings, because i suspect he is PUA-ing me. (which sucks btw, because im an old friend and not some chick he met in a bar)

red flag behavior:

a) Im certain he's also hooked up with our third flatmate. (they were a thing when my ex and i were still together, but i can tell that he freaked out and ghosted her after a bit)

b) recently, i went on a few dates with this guy i met, and FWB literally gave me the sermon of a lifetime because i made out/strung the guy along, even though i wasnt really into him. he seemed pretty shaken that i'd done that ("wow youre a totally different person" etc), and when we hooked up post this conversation, he refused to kiss me. :s

c) this is after he went on a date with an old friend of mine, while fully knowing it would be pretty upsetting to me.

I want to ask:

  1. what the hell is going on? is this guy into me? or is he looking for validation?

  2. why is he emotionally escalating while physically holding back?

  3. what is the highest response to this situation? (eckhart tolle me, please)

Ive been told that in an FWB situation, you take what was said at the get go at face value - my FWB made it clear months ago when we first hooked up that he didnt ever think we could date, and so ive held back and not responded to his subsequent emotional overtures. I'd be pretty hurt and pissed off if i discover that he's saying all of these things to me, only to register another PUA win. Should I express myself when he's saying some of these things to me, or do i still hold him to what he said at the get go?

I've actually never been in a FWB before, and have only ever been in LTRs. I could potentially be a sitting duck dealing with a sophisticated PUA, or a paranoid android coming in the way of my own happiness.

please tell me who i am.

Thank you!