I have a lot of disagreements with the traditional PUA orthodoxy. I generally think it’s a scam where confident, good looking guys try to convince ugly, socially awkward, low self-esteem guys that they can get laid too if they just learn a few tips and tricks.

My biggest disagreement with traditional PUA is this idea that to get girls you need to learn a few routines, or openers, or tricks, or whatever. I think of picking up girls in a completely opposite way: it’s not about what you DO, it’s about what you DON’T do. In other words, PUA shouldn’t be a list of DOs, but rather a list of DON’Ts.

Some of the DON’Ts are obvious. Don’t be an asshole. Don’t be too sexually aggressive. Don’t make her uncomfortable. Don’t tell her you hate black people. Some of the DON’Ts are less obvious, which is why you might need PUA theory. Don’t be needy. Don’t try to validate yourself to her. Don’t supplicate. Don’t buy her things. Etc… Once you’ve learned what those DON’Ts are, you can do and say whatever you want. In fact, the most attractive thing to women is a guy who is confident, and the definition of confidence is doing whatever the fuck you want. If are mid-conversation with a girl and you hear an awesome song, she will not be mad if you start doing a funny dance, she may even like you more.

Breaking down barriers and building comfort

Think about it this way. Human beings are animals. And animals are wired to seek sex and affection from other animals. It’s in our genes, and it’s one of our strongest impulses. Eddie Murphy had a hilarious stand up joke where he said “don’t let women lie to you, any of them would rather have a dick in them right now.” It’s true – every single woman would rather have a dick in them than doing whatever they are doing. Humans are wired for sex and love and affection.

The problem is that our society creates barriers to women expressing their sexuality. Women who fuck a lot are labeled “sluts.” Women compete for men and they also shoot each other down and belittle each other. Society also makes women feel ashamed of their bodies because of unrealistic beauty standards and stuff like that. Women are also bullied and treated like shit for their personalities and even for being hot by other women.

Stupid, socially awkward, asshole men also create barriers to women fucking. A lot of men act creepy, overly aggressive, and downright hateful if they don’t get what they want. Going out as an attractive woman is often a scary experience because she is constantly being harassed and bombarded by creeps. That’s why women have to put up a bitch shield.

But despite all the barriers to women expressing their sexuality, their default mode is to want dick. If there were no society, no media, no judgment, no bullshit, women would be fucking all day. In fact, you would probably be able to just walk up to women and fuck whoever you wanted whenever you wanted.

That’s why the most important part of PUA is building comfort. Building comfort is necessary because you need to remove these barriers. You need to keep women in their emotions. Their emotions want to fuck you, but their rational brain is worried about the practical realities of what’s happening and what society thinks and stuff. Seduction is a two-pronged game of assuaging her rational mind and stimulating her subconscious mind. But you don’t really need to do anything to stimulate her subconsciously – just being a man is going to turn her on. You just need to put her rational mind at ease, and keep it from overthinking everything.

So the main goal is to remove barriers. The biggest barrier, obviously, is that you don’t know her. Under society’s rules, it’s not acceptable to just walk up to a random person that you don’t know and start talking to them. This is because a lot of people are crazy or mean, so people naturally build up walls. A woman may see a really hot guy and want to fuck him, but she can’t because society says that it’s weird to talk to somebody you don’t know. Some women are self-aware and courageous, and they break society’s rules to get what they want, but most don’t. That’s why it’s the guy’s responsibility to make the approach and break that barrier. An approach isn’t some grand introduction that must be done in the right way, it’s just building comfort that the fact that we didn’t know each other 20 minutes ago is not a big deal. I hate to say this, but about 50% of seduction is convincing her that you are not a serial killer or a rapist.

Here are some of the other barriers:

  • Guys being sexually aggressive and making her feel unsafe.
  • Guys being judgmental or an asshole, making her feel inferior.
  • Guys being arrogant or bragging.
  • Guys being weird, making her feel uncomfortable or self-conscious.
  • Guys being jealous or controlling.
  • Guys supplicating (it’s weird, it’s not attractive, and puts pressure on the girl)
  • Guys being sad and pathetic and expecting the women to do things because she feels bad for them.

You would be amazed at the fact that if you just did NOT do any of these things, you would already have better game than 99% of guys. Guaranteed.

Here’s what’s incredible: A lot of guys feel like they need to DO stuff, but all the stuff they DO creates barriers. For example, a lot of guys brag to get women to like them. But women can see that you are trying to manipulate her with your bragging and they are seriously turned off. For example, a lot of guys buy women things. I know dudes that get bottle service in clubs and spent literally thousands of dollars buying women drinks, thinking that will get the woman to fuck. But not only does it not help, it hurts.

Let’s say I walk up to a girl. We start chatting. A beta would say “I need to buy her drink to get her to fuck me,” but in my mind, I just assume she already wants to fuck me because she is a woman and I am a man. I don’t say “I know you want to fuck me,” because I need to build comfort first, but that’s how I’m thinking. If I DID buy her a drink, I would be creating a barrier because now she is thinking to herself “why is this guy buying me a drink? Does he want something from me? Does he think I’m a prostitute where I will just fuck a guy cuz he bought me a drunk?” The hamster wheel in their mind start spinning and now she can’t just relax and let the interaction go where it wants.

The next biggest barrier is guys being weird. I don’t mean weird as in having a handlebar mustache and playing a kazoo, but weird as in “you’re acting weird today.” You see, women are very sensitive to men’s emotions, and they can tell when the man is hiding some negative or weird emotion, like jealousy, coldness, anger, etc… A lot of guys “flip” on women and go from being cool and nice to aggressive, mean, and shitty, so women are constantly on the lookout for that. That’s why your best demeanor around a woman is positive, happy, friendly, with no trace of weird ulterior motives or shitty emotions. This is why it is important to not be anxious around women – your anxiety creates weirdness and therefore a barrier.

A key part of seduction is establishing a “direct line” between you and her. If you’ve ever had a really good friend, you know what I’m talking about. In the Cold War, the White House and the Kremlin had a direct phone line in case there was a nuclear crisis. (Fun fact: when the heads of state were not communicating, people constantly read each other poetry over the direct line because they needed to make sure it was constantly working). The best way to seduce a girl is for her to feel like she has a “direct line” to your soul, unencumbered with other emotions like jealousy, negativity, neediness, weirdness, etc… I hate to sound braggy, but I have about 10-15 girls I can fuck whenever I want (the number fluctuates because sometimes they get boyfriends and I can’t fuck when they’re in a relationship). The reason I can go back to all these girls is because I have a direct line to them so when we see each other there is negativity or weirdness or anything. Sometimes I just run into one of them at a bar, we chat from an hour, and we go home and fuck. They try to create weirdness (usually “why don’t you call me anymore”) but I just play it off and act happy and positive and their attempts at weirdness melt away because their subconscious emotions are stronger than any weirdness they can create. I certainly have had relationships with girls that I can’t go back and fuck, usually because I created some type of negativity or weirdness that clouded our direct line.

Creating a direct line isn’t rocket science. It just requires you to be happy, nice and joyful.

I can already hear some of you complaining “bro, all this shit you wrote assumes that women are already attracted to you, and I can’t get women attracted to me.” You are right. For any of this to work, the woman has to be attracted to you. If she’s a Victoria’s Secret model, she is just not going to fuck a short, bald poor guy, no matter how much of a direct line they have with each other. So you need to become attractive. You need to work out, dress well, etc…

But no matter good looking or rich or whatever you are, you aren’t going to get laid if she doesn’t feel comfortable. Women will take a huge downgrade in a man if he makes them feel comfortable. A lot of super hot girls are with “losers” because he makes them feel comfortable. In fact, I think its easier to fuck super hot girls because very few men can establish a direct connection with them that is unencumbered by anything weird. Just the presence of that girl in their life is so crazy that they can’t control their emotions and they start acting shitty.

Becoming attractive enough physically to fuck hot girls is very easy: I would say about 50% of guys are good looking and well dressed enough to fuck a 10. The challenge is having the confidence to not act weird around a 10, which most guys can't do.

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