Just to reiterate,
BE THE GUY YOU WANT TO BE AROUND.
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This part is (to me, at least) the meat and potatoes of the book. If you are to glean anything from this book, it should be from here. Great inner game concepts.
IV. The Most Important Part of the Book: The Four Traits The four traits of the alpha or “20% man” who has the most social success are:
FUN – Think John Belushi in Animal House. College is a time for smiling and enjoying yourself, and more importantly than anything else, popular guys are fun.
DOMINANT - You do what you want. This doesn’t mean break bones or try to take over the world with an army of undead cats, but rather be assertive and confident about what you want and expect from others.
LEADER - Take the initiative. Know when to order a pitcher of beer, how to organize social events, and come up with cool stuff to do.
EASY-GOING - Have fun in your own way, and never be neurotic or overly concerned about anything. Have the confidence to know that things will be okay.
To elaborate on these.
- For now, your focus shouldn’t stray too far from your studies, a hobby or job, and having fun.
DO NOT TRY TO GET LAID . . . Your focus should be having fun.
Remove the “must get laid” thought loop from your mind. Replace it with “fun, fun, pleasure, that’s funny, haha, fun.” And if you find yourself in your old thought loop, snap out of it by asking “How can I have the maximum fun possible right now? How can I make the most people smile? What can I do, right at this instant, that will make me feel fucking incredible?”
Having fun means walking around with a big smile on your face.
Here’s an exercise: Imagine something or someone or some place that makes you feel happy to be alive. Intensely tune into the feeling it evokes, then, in your head, take that feeling as if it was an electric current and run it through an amplifier that blasts through the brain. Tune into that vibe and immediately start sharing it with the world, with a smile and with your energy.
- “A dominant man has strong body language, with his head held high and his shoulders back. He touches with ease and respect, but also with clear intention. In fact, he’s comfortable touching everyone – guys and girls both. He is constantly pushing, throwing light punches, tapping on the elbow, giving hugs, and asserting himself physically. He is comfortable being physical.”
You have standards.
Make a woman feel good about being part of your life by rewarding her when she does something for you—a hug, a tease, a kiss, etc.
Jack Nicholson in The Departed is a great example of a dominant man.
Dominance comes when you set and stick to your priorities, when you are living your life according to your own guiding principles. In the face of opposition you not only stand strong, but you push forward with renewed drive and intensity. When you’re a dominant man, things happen on your own terms. You lead conversations where you want them to go because you’re talking about what you want to talk about, learning what you want to learn about, and you are the one who needs to be entertained by the girl.
- Take the lead. You are a leader of men. You organize, plan, and motivate people to come together and collect around a cause or activity. People look to you for leadership because they know that when they follow you, they will go to great places.
When you are the leader, you are the one responsible for making your own days and nights. You don’t wait around for other people to bring the fun or tell you where to go. You take responsibility for your own life and your own good time, and you make sure to bring as many people along as possible.
- You need to balance the previous three traits with a healthy dose of relaxation.
Try to talk at 50% pace for a full day.
Read “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Toelle.
“There is an exercise I have found that makes me feel very settled and comfortable. I would like you to try it now, and use it whenever you are feeling out of place or socially anxious. Reach deep inside yourself. Shift your focus to your feet, your legs, your thighs, your abdomen, your shoulders, your arms, and your hands. Feel the life force that runs through them. Just connect with the energy that animates you and makes you move. Do it now. Feel the power of being alive, of being wherever you are. Breathe in deeply. Now put a smile on your face and breath out. Connect, in totality, with your present reality.”
Be the guy you want to be around.
As your confidence grows, so too will you become more chill. This is about finding comfort in your own skin, in your environment, and with those around you.
Character traits are not like techniques or lines that can be learned in two hours. Developing these aspects of your personality will take some time.
It is better if you’re the one pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone, finding your own unique ways of having fun rather than reading online posts about others’ experiences.
Emanate Tyler Durden from “Fight Club.”
V. The Four Traits: Specifics
Bros before hos.
A spineless pussy will sell his friends out for a girl or for gain. But staying true to your friends means a lot of things.
You should be able to judge whether the people around you are truly your friends. Watch how they treat others. If you see something you don’t like, keep in mind that you may be next, and act accordingly.
Find and keep people in your life who add to the reality that you want to live in.
There are girls who make your ego feel good, and there are girls who make you feel good. Learn the difference between the two and you’ll be able to deal with each accordingly.
If you’re a fun, easygoing guy, your girls should feel like they can call you for a talk, to come over and take a nap, or whatever else they need. If you’re truly a girl’s friend, you might bust her the way you would your boys, but don’t give them shit to the point of making them feel bad about themselves.
When you meet a girl you’re actually into, you’re not afraid to show it. Direct playfulness is the key here.
The difference between all these other dudes and me is that they try and I don’t. I’m not worrying about where the night is going to end. As long as I’m enjoying myself, I know that people around me will too.
You will be making plans and taking initiative with the expectation that others will follow.
There’s an ease about you, like you know everything is going to work out. Your default mode is easygoing and fun, and you’re a dominant leader when the moment calls for it.
Be social and give love/value during the day.
If your belief is that you’re there to give love, that you’re fun and dominant, that you’re out to build connections; then you can’t go wrong.
VI. The Unified Front
The best strategy of all for meeting college girls? Mark Redman calls it the Unified Front. It means being socially proactive—in class, at parties, at coffee shops, at bars, and DEFINITELY when you’re walking down the street—so that no matter where you are, you’re constantly building connections, expanding your network, and engaging new friends.
Give love, do what makes you happy, and take responsibility for your own social life.
Meet people everywhere—in class, at the coffee shop, at parties…this means men and women both. Make new friends wherever you go.
Follow up on Facebook and over text messaging.
Provide fun activities, ideas, and energy for how you can pull your friends together, at your house, in your dorm room, or elsewhere.
Flirt, don’t game! Flirting is fun, harmless, and conveys high social value. Gaming is directed towards the end of getting in a girl’s pants, and comes across as very low-value on college campuses.
When you do meet girls you’re into, be dominant and direct.
Committing yourself to a Unified Front with all your energy and vigor will generate results, and the more energy you give it, the more you’ll get back.
A man who is additive to his social group has great things to bring, from his attitude to his humor. Bring energy.
Learn some drinking games
Learn to tell a fucking story.
Go out and have experiences that you can tell good fucking stories about.
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