Dealing with flakes

TallDarkandBot · 2018-06-18T16:38:15+00:00

When girls act like that, they move further away from the top of the list of women I give my attention too. Move onto the next one and she'll come back eventually.

recyclablebanthas · 2018-06-19T03:03:20+00:00

1

One of my FWB has flaked on me several times. She has told me she’s coming over after work, will be there at x time, and has asked me what days I’ll be off so she can come over. She then doesn’t respond or won’t text me for days and sometimes weeks. It’s happened about 5 times in the span of 2 months.

Look, shit happens. Sometimes things pile up at work or just basic life things take precedence over meeting with an FWB. That said, obviously, this doesn't apply to what she's doing and this is not something that should have happened more than once because you shouldn't have given her a pass after she had a shit excuse for ghosting the first time.

These kinds of decisions, shape your life, man. The kinds of people you choose to prioritize and who you choose to cut out. Your schedule is a zero-sum game for sure. If you're spending any time at all on her, that's time you don't have for people that would be healthier and positive.

2

Last night she did it again and I took her off my snap.

I told her I don’t appreciate my time being wasted and I don’t take that behavior lightly.

She blew up my phone and called me a hypocrite because I made plans with her then backed out 10 or 20 minutes later.

She’s also flaked on me for another dude and gladly had no problem putting that on her snap story an hour after making plans with me.

....tell me she can get sex anywhere, which made me wonder why she was blowing my phone up if that was the case. I didn’t respond to the 4 snaps and 7 or so texts.

Honestly, it sounds like one or both of you are lying to yourselves about what's going on here. Look at the big picture here:

You're both clearly unhappy about the status quo.
Neither of you have cut things off definitively. Whatever happens, you've both been selling yourselves and your values out to meet up again at some point.
Both of you are engaged in vindictive behaviors that you tell yourselves are "what they deserve." You by deleting her/unfollowing her on Snap. Her by making plans with you and then posting on social media about being with another dude.
Both of you seem to just hope that the other will change some aspect of their behavior.
Neither of you are changing, really.
All of this makes the whole "FWB" thing more like a really shitty on-again, off-again relationship, with both of you entirely too emotionally wrapped up in how to get the other's attention back or wrapped up in how to get back at the other one.

3

It looks like things went WAY the fuck off the rails. And there were likely red flags along the way. If this were a true FWB situation, clearly it would be fun and wouldn't involve all this manipulation. So I have to ask some questions to clarify what's been going on:

How did you enter this FWB arrangement? How was it proposed and what exactly was the reaction to this proposal?
How often were you guys seeing each other? More often than once every 8 days or so?
Were there PDAs?
Any cuddling?
Any notable romantic gestures or statements?
Anyone proposing making plans in the future, even something like a trip together, etc.?

4

One of my friends told me I should’ve let it slide and just kept her around,

Yeah, this is shitty advice. Keeping her around, is going against your personal values and keeping you down. You clearly want something different from her. Whatever she says about being fine with FWB, she clearly isn't fine with it. And the longer you keep her around, the more chance her manipulations will affect you.

5

Tbh, it felt really good to stand up for myself and tell her I’m not putting up with that shit.

It sounds like both of you have not been standing up for yourselves, for awhile, just doing this manipulative dance of neither of you saying what you want and putting up with shit you don't like.

If you're peacing out, you're doing the right thing for both of you here.

life-of-TT · 2018-06-23T16:26:24+00:00

Just gotta deal with the flakes, bro. Attractive girls flake because of their estrogen, also they have so many options/offers from guys that it’s easy for them to dip out of a date

tab13092 · 2018-06-18T19:26:14+00:00

Seems like you handled it the best you could.

Though you don't owe an explanation, I always find when dealing with flaky people it's generally in everyone's interest to call them out on it but then leave it at that. It allows you to say your piece and feel better, and for them to see that their behavior won't be tolerated.

I used to get all annoyed and bothered when people flaked, then I one day finally just let go and stop caring. If people flake on me now, I honestly appreciate it. It tells me what kind of person they are without me having to actually invest any amount of time.

Dugg_Deep · 2018-06-18T18:55:20+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Dealing with flakes
Author	Dugg_Deep
Upvotes	5
Comments	9
Date	June 18, 2018 3:30 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/8s0eky/dealing_with_flakes/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/dealing-with-flakes.1448402 https://theredarchive.com/post/1448402

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