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[–]InFa-MoUs 5 points6 points7 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
The alternate is really nice.. I'm a straight guy and almost sent you a message lol
[–]joshsway 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Starts well and overall a much better profile than most, but show some diversity and make it shorter. It comes off a bit too try hard and nerdy as you just keep going and going on the same vein.
[–]warm_gun_mama1 points 11 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Thanks man. Do you mean the carbon-based life form/mammal stuff? I know the "I'm really good at" section doesn't add much, I guess I just have it in there to make it more clear it's a big joke.
[–]joshsway 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
the carbon based life form is ok (though I would take out the sexual stuff...you automatically exclude a lot of girls if you go even a little sexual in profiles, and you gain almost nothing by doing so). It's that you continue with that tone for far too long in my opinion. They get it already that you are funny, shorten it and don't milk the same joke for too long.
[–]hardly_incognito 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
First and foremost, I want you to look at it from this perspective.
I'm a female, one of which you're attracted too. It's late, I have gotten many messages, read through many bios to the point where now I'm simply skimming through things as quick as possible. I come up to your monologue here... What would I do?
More than likely, I'd skip it entirely. As sad as it is, the majority of people are too busy and want fast information. Look at what is typically trending. Quick videos, quick topics, quick summations of events. Yes, there are exceptions, but being that this is /r/seduction, I assume you want to maximize your time with women.
I do lean towards short and sweet. Many people have suggested to me one sentence bios, I myself would suggest no more than 1 paragraph. This segues into my main point...
The story of you should be told through your pictures. Things that catch interest, lead to open-ended conversation, and leave the mind wondering. I will assume by now you have built a decent foundation for yourself as an individual, and being that you are unique, have an interesting life of many hobbies and aspirations. Capture this! Have for instance, a picture of you at a special event with some of your favorite artists or a picture of you hiking in the woods. Do you even lift? If so, show off your damn body! Have a pic where it seems natural: swimming, running, etc. And of course, have a good face and body shot where you feel you portray yourself in the most realistic fashion.
It comes down to selling yourself. Those quick catchy ads are what stick with people the longest. You're not going to stick out if you write a novel to people, I'm sorry, but it's the cruel truth. You need to allow people to quickly get a feeling of who you are, and save the actuality of getting to know you for when you decide to take things further.
Cheers!
tl;dr Short and sweet bio. Showcase yourself through a small selection of pictures (personal preference, I say no more than 5) that tell the story of who you are and capture interest. You're advertising yourself and we don't have all day to listen!
[–]faux_hammer 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The novel approach actually does work to a certain degree, at least compared to a standard issue boring bio style description. I wrote a short story, 5 short paragraphs, and actually started getting activity and some dates. It maybe a bit polarizing but it does work for some people.
[–]warm_gun_mama0 points 11 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Thank you, and I'm definitely picking up what you're throwing down. I do agree that pictures are the most important, and I think I have some pretty good ones.
Brevity is key, and I am open to trimming the thing. That's really why I am submitting for criticism. That's part of the writing process... write a ton then take a machete to it. I've already scrapped the "I'm really good at," and I'm highly considering scrapping the "six things," because on examination, they don't really add anything. It's probably better to have one really good joke than a bunch of OK ones.
Honestly, I really enjoy the process of writing these things and I'm proud of them when they're done. I've gotten messages that say my profile is hilarious (actually that's how I met my ex) and it makes me feel good. Maybe I should start a blog or something.
I look at the profiles of my competition, and most of them are laughably bad. I frankly enjoy having mine be infinitely better than theirs. I enjoy making 18 drafts of my profile and tweaking it to perfection. I enjoy the unique opportunity to flirt via essay.
As far as ads, and which stay with people the most, I had an interesting observation during the Super Bowl tonight. They had this gross toenail fungus ad, maybe you saw it. It had a big toe in a football helmet. Everyone I was watching the game with was talking about how nasty the ad was. But they'll all remember that ad. It's not only about being the shortest... it's about eliciting emotion, good or bad.
TL;DR - don't write off the profile entirely.
[–]hardly_incognito 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
it's about eliciting emotion.
Exactly. I don't know what your pictures are like, but that essentially is what I am trying to convey to you. People are visual creatures.
Best of luck.
[–]Endoss 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Take the alternate and make that your whole profile. Short, sweet and it screens out women who don't share your sense of humor b
[–]jodwilso 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
1) Post this in the okcupid subreddit for review. 2) Lose the sexual reference. 3) Lose the negativity (intellectually starved).
[–]warm_gun_mama3 points 11 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
already did, they wanted to remove all the fun from my profile and make it super boring and generic
you may be right. i am trying to push the envelope a bit though, just not too much. which sexual reference do you refer to? I think the ones at the end about mating rituals may be pushing it. The beginning, however, is simply listing maslow's hierarchy of needs, of which sex is such a need. I don't think you have to pretend sex doesn't exist in your profile. Just don't go crazy with it, and don't message girls asking for sex.
while I agree with you that negativity in general is to be avoided, this is a very true and factual statement about who I am, and it needs to be thrown out there to properly answer the question. I'm just saying that I plan on a career change, and I tell the reason why my current career is unsatisfying. The type of girls I am going for usually wouldn't be into accountants, and they need to know that I'm somebody who wants more than that out of life. I think the important thing is that I have a plan to deal with it, and I'm not just whining and moaning about it and how unfair life is.
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[–]InFa-MoUs 5 points6 points7 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]joshsway 2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]warm_gun_mama1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]joshsway 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]hardly_incognito 2 points3 points4 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]faux_hammer 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]warm_gun_mama0 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]hardly_incognito 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Endoss 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]jodwilso 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]warm_gun_mama3 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link