TL;DR: Focus on getting as many interactions with girls as possible. Techniques just make things too complicated and you'll not need them once you understand the basics.

Hey seddit.

If you browse our forum here, you can count on the following questions to come up constantly:

  • “How do I get her out on a date?”
  • “How do I kiss her?”
  • “How do I get her back to my place?”

What you then find is a ton of articles and videos explaining technical solutions to all those problems. You will read that you need to wait for a silent moment in your conversation, slowly lean over with your head tilted at a 15,4° angle, look deeply into her eyes and then hope that she reciprocates the kiss.

When you finally meet her out, your head is spinning and you’re even more nervous than usually. Maybe all this information didn’t actually help you.

For the longest time, I had problems successfully inviting a girl over to my place to celebrate the “afterparty”. When consulting the internet, I found a couple of tips for dealing with this problem. One of them was to suggest going to my place using an excuse like “making tea”, overplaying the idea (“I make the best tea in the world”), then confidently grabbing her by the hand and leading her to my door.

Which left me awkwardly pulling her arm while she just stood there over, and over, and over, and over again. My frustration was so massive, I don’t want anybody ever to feel this way.

Looking back, I had not needed to be frustrated like that. I was just not supposed to get laid that easily yet: I was focusing on doing the right thing that would lead to sex so much that the vibe on the date was suffering a lot. It would’ve been unfair to the universe (and the girls I went out with) if it had worked.

The matter of fact is: I was overthinking the whole deal, which distracted me from the #1 goal you should set for any date: Just having as much fun as possible.

The actual problem I needed to fix was my lacking understanding of social interactions, and this is a problem I see a lot of guys having.

Most guys that are new to pickup don’t get laid and want to change this as quickly as possible. For some reason we’re thinking of this problem the same way we’re thinking about times when our car broke down: Some mechanical part is broken and needs reparation or replacement.

Learning how to flirt with girls works quite differently though. We don’t need a manual to fix a broken part in ourselves. Instead we need to develop a whole new ability, and doing so takes dedication and practice. Looking back it took me even much more practice than I would’ve ever thought before getting into this.

The thing holding me back was actually a lack of emotional intelligence in regard of making her feel comfortable around me. I was nervous and just tried to get her to my place to get it over with, rather than chatting and getting to know her. Emotional intelligence is a skill set and thus needs practice in order to improve.

I should’ve focused less on tricks and techniques and more on the person in front of me, and so should you probably. Now I am a lot more comfortable going on dates and I succeed despite (or because) not planning to use certain routines.