Over the past week, after reading quite a few materials, I had finally convinced myself that approaching is completely okay and everyone needs to do it if they want success in this aspect of their life. I was waiting for the opportunity to approach because my current lifestyle doesn't support approaching women whenever I feel like it.

Anyway, today I had a social event that I had to go to. On the way there, I see a woman who is a local celebrity where I live(upwards of 100k followers in insta, does ads, etc). I get half a mind to approach her but I see her with her friends and as a beginner that is enough for me to reconsider it. So I chicken out. Immediately after the opportunity passes I deeply regret not approaching her. I realize that I should have at least walked up to her and asked for a photo because that's something that is she should be used to and should not be as difficult as trying to talk to her and getting her number or something. Now I don't know what planets were aligned when I wished this because after some time she comes to the event I'm in. Now there she was 50ft away from me, still with the same friends from before(one guy, one girl). All the anxiety I had before when I saw her outside comes back to me. I am scared shitless but deep down I knew that there was no way I'm leaving this place without taking a picture with her or getting turned down for a picture. So I wait and look for a opening when she is by herself. This goes on for a while. 5 mins. 10 mins. 15 mins. Then I decide fuck it. Just when she is not talking to anyone, I walk up to her and say "hey are you x"?, she smiles says "umm hmm". I say, "Yeah I thought it was you but I wasn't really sure so I had to come up here and ask", she chuckles. I say, "One of my friends is a big fan of yours so do you mind if I take a picture with you." she says "sure." We take one, I say thank you and walk back to my friends.

Now for a few moments after this, I feel pretty good about myself. This was the first time in my life I approached women for any agenda. But as I observe her I realize, she is there with 2 of her friends, she isn't interacting much with them, she isn't really doing anything but standing there. So if only I had a fun personality that could draw people in then I could make the event enjoyable for the both of us. I mean this was the perfect setting to do this. Every thing was set up perfectly if only I were skilled enough to do something. I mean how often does one come across these kind of opportunity: getting to know someone you've have had a crush on for years, who until an hour ago had no idea you even existed.

Now I think I have an idea on the main thing I did wrong. I went in with the wrong mentality. I mean even when I saw her outside on the streets, the first thought that came to my mind was how shocked my friend(the one that I mentioned was a big fan) would be if he saw a picture of us together. So my whole approach was motivated by shocking my friends which was very needy and didn't lead me far. I think instead my mentality should have been: screw the photo, I am going to go talk to her, find out what she is like in real life and just have fun. I feel with this mentality, even if she wanted me to leave her alone, wouldn't have left me feeling as bad as I do right now.

But now here I am, beating myself up because I just know that I could have made ALOT more of that opportunity than I did. Who knows, we might have hit it off and dated. Or maybe we could have been good friends. Or at the very least enjoyed the short time we were there, together. But what did I settle for? A picture which isn't even good because the fucking photographer messed it up. I know that if I stick with improving myself, one day I will reach the state I want to reach. What happened today is not going to slow me down, and if anything is only going to push me harder because I never want to blow opportunities like this ever again, but that doesn't take away what I'm currently feeling. THIS FUCKING SUCKS. FUCK ME.