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[–]smoothmax 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Easy to say in hindsight and from a distance, but in those moments you ideally want to get out of your head and get in your body. In that state you can focus on her body state and deal with it on that basis. Rather than focusing on the actual words which to a woman aren't nearly as important.
For example if she's flushed with embarrassment because you hit the nail on the head. An emotional spike, perfect. Touch her or hold her hand and say, "Kidding, kidding!" because you're her protector not her singing critic.
Start to pick up on girls' body language more, by using your own body language radar and let that be your guide. Her emotional state and your emotional reactions are what's important.
[–]ken_34 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I like this. To clarify, if anything she was indifferent in her emotional state when you said it. The more I’m thinking about, I think in retrospect I should have said what you proposed and just moved to the next topic. She was already starting to kind of turn away toward her friends at the start of that statement so she wasn’t super invested right then anyway. Maybe handling the external interrupt by reopening her friend group. I also was just not very well locked in with them so I was kind of boxed out at that point.
[–]pnadlerlaw 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Honestly, dude. Just relax. You’re talking to a person. It’s not a big deal. Worst case scenario is she has her ego feel like you’re not working hard enough to be “worthy” of her ... and you dodged a bullet.
So, what are you so fucking anxious and nervous about? Most people on here are saying the same thing. Just relax and calm down. Breathe. Take it easy.
If a girl acts offended, and asks you, “How did you intend what you said,” flip the focus to the more important question ... “how did you perceive what I said?”
How she perceives what you say is more telling about her than your mere stated intent behind what you said.
I once had this girl flip out because I said she looked like she ran the show at work. In my mind, it was a compliment. She had this alpha female resting bitch face going on, and I figured, she got shit for it, might as well turn it into a positive. She fucking lost it. “Fuck you too! What the fuck is the point of talking to me if you’re just going to insult me?!?” Blah blah blah. I literally just raised my eyebrows, did a micro eye roll, and in a very fatherly and paternal way, low key condescending, gently patted her on the shoulder and was like, “Okay, okay, I’m sorry,” and just turn around and walked away.
Don’t waste your time with people like that. When a girl filters herself out like that, don’t fight it. Stop fighting people who filter themselves out. She’s showing you who she is. She’s showing you what a relationship with her will be like. Why would you invest a second more of your time or calorie more of your energy?
Just calm down and take it easy. You have nothing to worry about. Women who get easily offended are not worth being with anyway, so you haven’t lost anything or done anything wrong. Don’t let that ruin your authentic self for women who will appreciate who you are and how you communicate.
[–]ken_34 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I really like this line “how did you perceive what I said?” That seems really useful. And that’s hilarious a girl would freak out on you like that to your statement haha. I definitely agree that a response from her like that is an immediate red flag and reason to just walk away.
In this case, this girl had been really enjoying the conversation and laughing up until that point although not attracted to the point of initiating any kino. After she said she wasn’t sure if it was insult, that’s where just just kind of dropped in interest a bit but there was definitely no overly negative reaction. Just less investment in the conversation and then turning toward her friends.
I heard a friend of mine (whos very successful with women) once say to a girl, Him: “oh you’re drinking whiskey? You know that means you like it rough, right?” Her: “are you asking me if I like it rough??” Him: “I’m not asking you, I’m telling you. You like it rough.” She was all about it. I guess I was just trying to have a good standard go-to reaction to these response that doesn’t necessary just defuse a situation but actually makes the girl more attracted because of how you responded to the test and showed you are not reaction seeking.
[–]pnadlerlaw 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Could be either of intentional game playing on her part, or she had this idea in her mind of what she fantasized a man to do to show her how amazing and important she is (and then lose respect for him for being that way) ... and you didn’t do it (aka, she wasn’t really open to having a real connection with a man, she was just looking for attention and validation). Don’t feel like you did something “wrong.” Don’t change yourself and your positives just to try and close every single interaction you have. It’s 100% okay to let people go.
Idk if you should be thinking about it like that or even that consciously. For me, it’s just about communicating, “I’m not a shy timid nice guy pussyfooter. So, if you want to play and have fun, I’m more than comfortable going at that pace.”
That’s really what you’re communicating and doing when you’re doing things like that. Everything else is just in your head.
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[–]smoothmax 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ken_34 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]pnadlerlaw 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]ken_34 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]pnadlerlaw 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link