~ archived since 2018 ~
Popular
Other
[deleted]
[–]BurnItDownSR 4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Props man. I'm so glad you were able to pull yourself out of that ditch that you fell into.
One thing though...
Technique doesn’t matter at all you need to have more serotonin ie. more confidence.
Didn't you use a bunch of techniques to raise your serotonin? I know Jordan talks about a bunch of techniques to do that in 12 Rules for Life.
I mean, the title of the first chapter in and of itself is a technique to boost serotonin and he clearly explains that it is.
[–]coolcol182 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Oh that’s true Thanks for pointing that out I forgot to put it in the context of techniques involving what to say and how to read body language etc. I’ll edit it there
[–]BurnItDownSR 3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Maybe it would be better to say "learning flirting techniques alone won't work well" because there are certainly techniques that do improve your interactions but if inside you're a mess then they won't be enough.
[–]coolcol182 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I see your point although personally I think a conversation needs to feel natural and planning techniques and actively using them feels unnatural to me. I think you learn from experience you can’t learn how to swim by reading a book you know? Thanks for the feedback though
[–]BurnItDownSR 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
That's fine man. You learn how to swim from experience but putting into practice what you've read in a swimming book does help and books, videos, and swimming instructors all teach techniques. Using techniques and gaining experience are not mutually exclusive.
You know, you learn stuff like the different kinds of strokes, different methods of breathing, how to tread water, etc and build up experience by doing them over and over again.
I think the real distinction that you're trying to make is practicing what you learn vs just sitting there and hoping that knowing it will be enough for you to just make it work perfectly right away.
Like, there's a strong argument to be made for not being able to learn martial arts from a book and I tend to agree with that but when you learn from an instructor who knows what he's doing, he's still gonna teach you techniques.
The difference between the book and him is he can actually see you and refine what you're doing and he also keeps you accountable to keep practicing. The book doesn't give a shit either way.
[–]coolcol182 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
You’re absolutely Right. I feel you can learn from experience without techniques though. In my experience when I just put aside the mentality of using certain techniques as if trying to unlock something. And focused on confidence and just let things go naturally I enjoyed myself a lot better. I feel confident people don’t need to plan techniques to flirt it just comes naturally. You’re right about the swimming analogy.
Maybe the better analogy is if you learn techniques for basketball maybe you’ll improve. But if you go out there with confidence and aim to have fun for yourself. Things will go more naturally and you’ll have more fun.
[–]BurnItDownSR 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Basketball seems to be a good way to create an analogy for this. Because its like, if you don't want to be a pro then you won't need to learn all the techniques but you at least have to learn to dribble, shoot, pass, and not foul anyone. All of which are techniques.
For some people those come naturally and so the awkward slump is much shorter, for others it takes some practice. If you play basketball I'm sure you've seen your fair share of awkward players.
And remember, you started out good with girls. So maybe interacting with them comes a little more natural to you. You just got damaged by that one toxic relationship you fell into so its not really like you started out with a clean slate. It was probably just like a basketball player breaking his leg and having to get back into the groove after recovering.
And I'm pretty sure that you have some habits that you repeat over and over when interacting with girls because they get good reactions but you don't call them techniques because you don't have to think about them, they just come naturally but not everyone is as fortunate.
Some people have bad upbringings that didn't socialize them well enough to know how to interact with people properly so some people just have to go through that awkward slump a little longer on their way to integrating their own habits that get good reactions.
[–]coolcol182 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Keep in mind it’s not only childhood that effects your personality that narcissist had a detremental effect on my mental health confidence and all that my habits were broken that lasted for 2 years.
And I wasn’t as good before the slump as I am now.
I do agree with you. But I don’t like the way you’re dismissing that aspect of the story. I only went into minor details about what she put me through.
But I’ve learned from Jordan Peterson to act as though the person your talking to knows something you don’t so. I’m not digging in my heels on this one. You’re right.
I love how reddit is the only place you can have a civil debate. Much respect man and I hope I’ve affected your life positively with my advice :))
[–]BurnItDownSR 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Jordan Peterson is just the man. I really appreciate how much of a positive impact he is to guys like us.
[–]day_dreamzzz_ 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I don’t know what a fuck tone sounds like?
[–]coolcol182 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It’s sounds like Marvin gaye , let’s get in on😂
[–]STD_Tyler 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yeah bro, I am interested in the story of getting a relationship with a girl out of your league. Where did you approach her? Did you get her # ? Did she reply that easily then went to a date? Where did you sleep with her, I mean if you live in a room, wouldn't it be harder to get a real relationship? I am asking genuine questions because I am stuck with girls below my league, not questioning your story at all...
I was out with my friends and one of them introduced me to some guys in a band and she was the vocalist. I was just talking to them about music and guitar and all that I didn’t focus on her too much. I just went outside for a fag with the less guitarist and she went with us. The guitarist went off to talk to some other guys so I struck up a convo with her and she seemed to like me.
I got in the habit of having more confidence so I wasn’t really thinking about how she was out of my league I just let the conversation flow. I got her snapchat and we started texting later that day. Although I was really busy due to my schedule so I was texting her every half hour or so. Later that night I asked if she wanted to facetime(I hate texting with a passion). Struck up a convo and Later I tried something new I asked her what she was passionate about. She said singing. I found out she was into soul music so i asked her to try a few songs. After a while I think she started to associate me with romantic songs so we bonded really fast after that. And I started falling for her as soon as she sang breezeblocks. I feel like it worked so well because music is a form of expression you know and it’s really awkward if you just say the lyrics. Idk there’s something there anyways the next week we were in a relationship and I’ve never felt happier.
My advice don’t get hung up on the specifics. Work on yourself keep yourself busy and don’t make girls your validation. It’s okay if it doesn’t work out if it’s not meant to be it’s not meant to be not every girl is going to connect with you.
[–]azhu23 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
What did you watch from Dr. Jordan B Peterson?
[–]coolcol182 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Nearly everything I read 12 rules for life I did the self authoring program I watch all the ire podcasts and even the Theo von podcast he was on I watched a lot of his lectures
© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.created by /u/dream-hunter
[–]BurnItDownSR 4 points5 points6 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]coolcol182 2 points3 points4 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]BurnItDownSR 3 points4 points5 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]coolcol182 1 point2 points3 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]BurnItDownSR 1 point2 points3 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]coolcol182 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]BurnItDownSR 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]coolcol182 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]BurnItDownSR 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]day_dreamzzz_ 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]coolcol182 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]STD_Tyler 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]coolcol182 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]azhu23 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]coolcol182 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link