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[–]FlamingHotPanda 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah what the person above said. In person 100%. Unless you're like 13 years old, in which case ive done it over text at that age before.
[–]Pringles__ 11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This is bullcrap.
You don't tell a girl that you'd like to be her partner. This is needy and you are being insecure. You feel the need to put a tag on the relationship. Reality is that being with her won't change what she feels for you or what you feel for her.
Instead, you date the girl and you schedule things with her. You must escalate at some point if you are interested, kiss her, and fuck her.
If you achieve this, at some point she'll start wondering if you are together or not. And that's when you tell her "yes of course".
You don't ask someone to be your girlfriend, you make her your girlfriend if you are interested by her and she is interested by you. You assess if there is an emotional connection and if yes, you escalate genuinely and you get physical. You shouldn't care about the outcome. If she's interested, you'll get with her.
[–]kuxan 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is so true.
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Always in person. If it can't happen in person, then do it over the phone. Text is the worst thing you can do for this situation. Hope it helps 😊
[–]TIMEME0045 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
It depends There can't be a general solution to these type of questions
[–]rhofire 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It doesn't depend. There's a reality of how natural sexual attraction works. Texting is not part of that reality.
[–]Johnny-just-for-fun 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You have to do it the way you think it is the best way to do it based in your relationship. Each one has its own answer.
[–]Busterx8 -2 points-1 points0 points 5 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link
There's no rule that it has to be in person. Text is perfectly fine. What do you think socially awkward people do? There are so many people who are much better able to express their feelings over text than in person and are still in healthy communicating relationships. Do what works best for you, if it doesn't work for your partner, then maybe you've found out a problem that would later arise much early on.
[–]rhofire 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
who are much better able to express their feelings over text than in person and are still in healthy communicating relationships.
I think this is a contradiction. So, are you saying, if you have no credit on your phone the relationship is over? What happens if your battery runs out?
[–]kusolace 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
I’m not necessarily supporting op’s statement, but a lot of socially awkward people tend to open up more in person once they get to know others better. Of course it isnt optimal, but its possible
[–]rhofire 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
a lot of socially awkward people tend to open up more in person once they get to know others better
The smart phone culture has created more socially awkward people than anything else. Or rather, it has created a situation that helps people avoid facing these issues. Thus, being social awkward has become normal.
In reality, as with many modern "afflictions", it's just a symptom of deeper issues. Texting, etc makes those issues worse, not better. The only way you could think such a relationship is healthy if you accept not facing these deeper issues.
Being gentle about it as a society doesn't help either. I was once what you'd consider socially awkward. To a suicidal level. I do know what it's like. Excuses will only keep you there.
If you can't express your feelings in person, this means you don't have a connection with the other person. There's nothing deep, it's just a fantasy, even if it's reciprocated. You won't magically make someone want you by sending a text.
Also, texting your feelings will lead to rejection, albeit with an attempt to spare you your feelings.
[–]kusolace 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
I would have to slightly disagree with you on the notion that smartphone culture has “created” more socially awkward people. I believe that the ability to use texting media has allowed many of these people to have a voice and express their opinions more often than before: which makes it seem like their numbers have increased. It is true, however, that the digital age allows a lot of these people to justify remaining reserved instead of trying their best to improve their social and communication skills. I’m very sorry to hear about your darker past, and am sincerely happy that you were able to cope with it effectively. I am personally in the same boat at the moment, and am trying to tackle depression and anxiety with help and support from friends, family, and most importantly: media. Although there is a negative aspect to social media and internet toxicity is real, there are also a lot of resources and support groups available online. I’ve also been reading self improvement books like “How to Win Friends” and “Models,” and they have been extremely helpful so far. I think the problem with a lot of “victims” of social anxiety is just the fact that they consider themselves hopeless victims. Taking the time to introspect and genuinely try to improve oneself goes a long way.
[–]rhofire 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
which makes it seem like their numbers have increased
This is not true. We've always had socially awkward people, yes. But, the socially awkward person from 20 -30 years ago is different from what we see today. Heck, even people who appear to be socially adept have serious emotional issues. Why?
Because people are disconnected from each other and from themselves. We stare into screens - once we used to stare into each other's eyes.
What the hell is social anxiety in the first place?
Taking the time to introspect and genuinely try to improve oneself goes a long way.
Exactly. Don't forget social media has been carefully designed to make you avoid introspection. Introspection is painful. That's not a bad thing, it's growing pains.
Bottom line, the numbers have increased. Before the lockdown worldwide, people were already spending too much time in front of phones and computer screens. Our social media apps turn us into addicts. Plus, we only see or hear things that feed our existing biases. As a result, we have people who can't cope with basic human relations - socially awkward.
[–]kusolace 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
My point is that despite shifting the method of conversation to a new platform and reducing focus on in-person communication, social media has a lot of benefits that aren’t as obvious as it’s downsides: such as anonymity, the ability to freely express opinions, and the simplicity of resource-sharing. I respect your opinion, and hence agree to disagree.
[–]rhofire 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
social media has a lot of benefits that aren’t as obvious as it’s downsides: such as anonymity, the ability to freely express opinions
You can't freely express opinions. Many opinions will get you banned or physically attacked. You could also lose your job. Result? More anxious people. This is not my opinion. This is factual information.
In fact, truth is the easiest way to get attacked on social media.
Plus, how is it a benefit? You're proving my point. Instead of dealing with issues people go to social media. Again, that's fact.
Avoiding reality and only expressing yourself on social media is cowardice.
[–]kusolace 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
A lot of people go to social media to deal with their issues, and this post along with hundreds of others on r/seduction is a live reminder of that fact. As I mentioned before, I personally found a lot of help and support on social media before, and it is what drove me to change my perspective on life and society. A lot of people with social anxiety don’t push themselves to get help because they don’t know it’s possible for them. Social media spreads awareness about these issues, and brings people together in many regards. About the topic of anonymity and the ability to express opinions that comes with it: do you think half the people on self-help forums would open up to people in real life? I’m sure they wouldn’t out of fear of being laughed at or scorned. However, because they chose to use social media to open up, a lot of them were able to actually improve their lives and overcome personal issues. I’m not saying that social media doesn’t have drawbacks, and most of your points were valid to an extent—but I believe that the internet is as good as its user.
[–]rhofire 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
What I am saying is that most of these issues wouldn't exist if it wasn't for social media. And porn.
[–]Busterx8 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Jeez, no. Expressing your feelings in text is just like writing a love letter or a poem. For people who are good at it, it works really well.
[–]rhofire -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No, it doesn't. That's not how sex and relationships work. Except in movies, of course.
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[–]FlamingHotPanda 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Pringles__ 11 points12 points13 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]kuxan 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]TIMEME0045 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]rhofire 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Johnny-just-for-fun 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Busterx8 -2 points-1 points0 points (13 children) | Copy Link
[–]rhofire 0 points1 point2 points (12 children) | Copy Link
[–]kusolace 0 points1 point2 points (11 children) | Copy Link
[–]rhofire 1 point2 points3 points (10 children) | Copy Link
[–]kusolace 1 point2 points3 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]rhofire 0 points1 point2 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]kusolace 0 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]rhofire 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]kusolace 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]rhofire 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Busterx8 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]rhofire -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link